


8

by carolineinacar



Category: Teriah, The Young and the Restless
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2020-06-09 14:34:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 63,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19477900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolineinacar/pseuds/carolineinacar
Summary: This fanfic is loosely based off of the show, referencing some of conversations they've had before; unfortunately I do not own the characters. Consider this an alternate version to what ensued in 2017.This takes place before Tessa ever runs her hand through Mariah's hair on the couch and they catch feelings. Ya'll know what scene I'm talking about. They never were roommates before, and they're still in relationships with the boys. Though I love happy Teriah, I've been missing the angst between them on the show. This will be my release of that need!The number 8 will make sense later.Bold text is Mariah's journal entries.Italic is Mariah and Tessa's inner thoughts.Plain text is conversations and actions.





	1. burnt pancakes

**Mariah's Journal ~**

**For starters, I never thought that I would be with someone like Devon. I don't even know what to say about the situation, hence why I haven't written about it till now. We've been dating a few months, but seeing that yesterday I wrote in here about how I'll never order ranch with a salad again, one could say I've been avoiding the topic. I'm scared that once I acknowledge the relationship, it will disappear. This is the best guy that I have ever been with, and not for nothing, but he is also a Hamilton. Needless to say that messing this up is surely a fear of mine. Since we're on the topic of him though, he invited me to a music festival this weekend in San Francisco. Me. San Fransisco. With a billionaire. I'm not even sure what to pack for the occasion -**

There's a knock at the door.

**Gonna have to cut this short, journal, the outside world persists.**

Mariah closes her journal and tucks it away in her purse for safe keeping. She was already expecting her guest prior to the knock, so she knew who it would most likely be upon opening it.

"Hey!" Tessa greeted, before she shuffled past Mariah with her black duffel bag hanging from one arm, and a tight grasp of her pillow in the other. "I hope you don't mind me crashing here. Noah said he would pass along to you that it should only be for a week or so while we wait for the renovation to be complete on our half of the building complex."

"Yes, of course it's fine! We have this giant house with plenty of space, I'm sure we can find a room you'll be comfortable in." Mariah looked at the bag Tessa had slung over her shoulder. "Is that all you brought with you?"

Tessa looked at her bag with some hesitation. "I didn't want to bring too much and seem like I was overcrowding you guys."

Mariah motioned Tessa to follow her up the stairs as she responded. "Oh no, again, lots of room for you to occupy here. Anyways, can't you go back and get more even while construction is going on?" Tessa shook her head no when Mariah looked back at her. "That's alright, you can borrow mine when you get sick of wearing the same clothes after the first few days." Tessa smiled to herself as Mariah pointed towards the room at the top of the stairs. "You can take this room." She then pointed to one more down the hall. "Or you can stay in that one down there. It's right across from mine, but it's farther from the bathroom."

Tessa looked between the two rooms. "I think I rather be closer to where you're sleeping than the bathroom. It just makes me feel safer when I'm sleeping somewhere I'm unfamiliar with." _Though Tessa knew she was only telling half the truth, she knew Mariah didn't know that. The full truth had much more to do with her past. What others may fear as a run of the mill intruder, Tessa knew that if she had anyone break in, they knew exactly who they were looking for. Having someone close by did make her feel a little better._

Mariah cut off Tessa's thought. "Okay, works for me!" They walked towards the room so Tessa could put her things down and get settled. "Have you heard from Noah since he got off his flight? Convenient of him to be working this weekend and out of town during the construction. I know I won't be as exciting to have as a roommate but..

Tessa didn't hear the rest of Mariah's sentence as she zoned out at the mention of Noah's name. She did find Noah very sweet, and easy to pretend to adore, but because she was pretending, she sometimes forgot her role as his girlfriend. "Oh no, I haven't yet, it must of slipped my mind." Mariah gave her an odd look because they both knew that meant that Tessa hadn't tried to call Noah for the last four hours from the time his plane should have landed. Tessa pulled a t-shirt and shorts from her duffle bag. "I'm just gonna shower if you weren't planning on taking one. I'll call him afterwards, seeing that he's probably already asleep at his hotel."

Taking the hint that Tessa didn't want to keep talking and probably just wanted to go shower and sleep, Mariah brushed it off. "Go for it, I usually shower in the mornings anyway so we shouldn't be having any run ins with that."

"Great, I guess I'll see you in the morning then?"

"Yeah, and Sharon always makes pancakes on Thursdays, despite the fact that they always come out burnt. If you're not into the whole charcoal taste, we can always whip something else up for you." Mariah smiled widely, genuinely, and Tessa was reminded of how gracious she really was for the hospitality.

"Pancakes is perfect, thank you. Also thanks again for letting me crash here."

"Don't mention it! Those who matter to Noah matter to us too." She paused for a moment. "I also don't usually get along with his girlfriends so this is a 'twofer' for me." She laughed at her own wordage and Tessa smiled as Mariah tossed her long red locks over one of her shoulders and made her way to the door. "I'll leave you to it then." She closed the door behind her and Tessa had her own moment of pause.

_God this whole family has such mesmerizing hair. It's amazing I can keep my game face on when interacting with anyone. Seeing where I came from and where I grew up, it's no surprise everyone here is so shell shocking to me. Genoa City, Wisconsin. Who would've thought. Hopefully I won't be here for too long, maybe a year of marriage to Noah and I can make my way back to Crystal with the money we always deserved, but never had the chance at having. Not until now that is, and nothing is going to get in the way of my plan._


	2. spilled wine

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**The last several hours sort of flew by. Burnt pancakes started the day. A rude guest appeared on GC Buzz around midday. I spilled coffee on my dress at some point but who even knows when that was, and the rest of the day is a blur. I think I just need to have nothing else planned for the rest of the night so I can relax and regroup, mentally. Sharon already texted me that she's staying late at Crimson Lights to do a mass cleaning since the crew she hired to do it didn't meet her standards. I personally think she's meeting up with Nick or someone else, but that's her business. I'm just gonna crack open a bottle of red wine, make some popcorn, and get into my pj's.**  
  
Mariah closed her journal feeling a little bit of relief since she was able to release the tension brought on by the day. She hadn't seen Devon all day since he was in the studio with Tessa for the majority of it. Although her recent submission in her journal felt like she was complaining, she just knew it was one of those days she felt justified for it. Devon would've probably thought she was only noticing all the negatives of the day anyway. She had a moment of contentment realizing that when one outlet didn't work, at least she had the other.  
  
The front door opened and Mariah slid her journal out of sight per usual when someone else entered the room. Tessa walked through the entryway and closed the door with a bit of a thud. Mariah, who was sitting on the couch, let her eyebrows shoot up as she anticipated commentary to follow such an entrance. Tessa, who was mumbling something under her breath to herself, looked over to Mariah when she realized she wasn't alone.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry I slammed the door. I didn't expect anyone to be home yet." She set her guitar down near the door and walked over to join Mariah on the couch, showcasing a little bit of defeat in each step she took. "Devon and I were in the studio all day trying to agree on one of the hooks in a song but we kept butting heads on what would fit best." Shrugging her shoulders into the couch, she let out a big sigh.  
  
"Seeing that we had the same sort of day, and ate the same burnt pancakes this morning, can I interest you in joining me for popcorn, wine, and perhaps a movie?"  
  
"That sounds like the only possible solution to cure us of this day." Tessa gave the side smirk she was best known for and they both changed into their pj's.  
  
x  
  
They met back on the couch, with the cushion between being used to hold the bowl of popcorn they were sharing. Mariah began scrolling through the movies and chose a random romantic comedy that she figured they both may get a few laughs out of. She started sipping her wine and glanced over at Tessa who was looking back at her. She had just finished taking a sip as well. "How do like it? We have white as well, tons actually, since no one ever drinks it. Haha."  
  
"The wine is perfect, I only drink red as well." They clinked glasses and both took another sip while the movie ran through the opening credits.  
  
Mariah hadn't yet shifted her gaze to the television screen. "Why do you have that look on your face then?"  
  
Tessa was consumed with her usual thoughts on music and Crystal, but she settled with an answer that would be more appropriate, given her audience. "I think being away from Noah is just now catching up with me. I really miss him, and we didn't get to talk all that much today."  
  
Mariah gave a sympathetic nod, and then had what she considered to be a brilliant idea. "Hey, I know this is short notice seeing that we're leaving tomorrow, but you're more then welcome to join Devon and I on our trip to San Fransisco. To get your mind off of things and have a little vacation." Tessa brushed a loose hair behind her ear and gave a hesitant look. Mariah knew she needed to be more convincing. "It's not like you'll have much going on here seeing that your boyfriend, temporary roommate, and boss are all out of town for the weekend. Devon also said that he has some business to take care of while we're there, so you won't feel like a third wheel! At least, not the entire time." They both laughed at such a scenario. Tessa still felt slightly reluctant, even though she's always wanted to go there.  
  
"I don't know, I don't want to ruin your couple vibe."  
  
"He won't care if you tag along. If anyone is going to ruin our couple vibe, it's going to be me." Mariah looked off to the side, indicating that she was being slightly sarcastic and slightly serious when she said that.  
  
Tessa wondered in that moment how someone so sweet, generous, and funny could have such doubt about their abilities and what they had to offer. She had sensed this uncertainty in Mariah before with comments she had made, but just brushed it off as her sarcastic, didn't really mean it self. Tessa observed her friends side profile as Mariah continued to look at a spot on the ground. Her freckles were the first thing that really stuck out to Tessa. They made their presence known on Mariah's cheeks effortlessly. Between the lighting in the living room being so bright, and her make up now being a faint memory to her face, Tessa couldn't help but stare. While Mariah continued to gaze off, its as if Tessa finally noticed that her eyes were pure green. Unlike Tessa's eyes imitating a deep area within a forest, Mariah's had the ability to make emeralds themselves be jealous. Mariah unlocked her gaze from the floor and let her train of thought go. Giving Tessa a smile that said, 'I'm just overthinking it.' To which Tessa felt like she was noticing for the first time, seeing that she was just now becoming aware of how many little treasures Mariah's face had to offer.  
  
_I could probably look at her all day and keep finding characteristics that I never noticed before. I - oh boy._  
_No, you can't._  
  
"Um, earth to Tessa." Mariah started waving the hand that wasn't holding the wine glass in front of Tessa's face. "Did you zone out for a minute there?" Mariah had to laugh. The alcohol was kicking in and Tessa was so out of it that her mouth was slightly ajar.  
  
"Oh yeah, sorry. I was considering what could go wrong as well since I'm definitely coming." She tried to change topics in hopes that she could change her own thoughts.  
  
"Yeah?" Mariah did a cheerful dance in her seated position.  
  
"Yeah it'll be fun!" They clinked glasses again, and Tessa let out a sigh of relief as they refocused their attention back on the movie.  
  
_I'm not sure where that thought came from but I'm not letting it come back around. Mariah is a nice looking girl, that was more of an observation. I have to stay focused on the plan and not deviate._  
  
x  
  
Half way through the movie, with the majority of the popcorn and wine consumed, Mariah looked over to notice that Tessa had fallen asleep. She thought it was unfortunate when Tessa stopped laughing at the same parts that she did, but now she felt less offended given the circumstances. She glanced at one of Tessa's hands and noticed that while she was still holding onto her glass, she had split some of the wine onto the floor. Probably as a result of her dozing off. She turned off the movie and lifted herself as quietly as she could from the couch as to not wake Tessa up. Grabbing the bowl of popcorn and Tessa's glass out of her hand, she went to the kitchen and retrieved a few towels to soak up the wine with. When she came back into the living room, Tessa made a disgruntled sound and slowly opened her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry," Mariah whispered as she placed the towels down, "I was trying not to wake you."  
  
Rubbing her eyes, Tessa sat up and looked at the clock hanging on the wall. "Its only seven forty-five! I didn't expect to fall asleep so early."  
  
Mariah laughed as she pressed down onto the carpet, feeling the liquid beneath it start to spread throughout the towel. "Might've been the wine, plus your day sounded exhausting in itself."  
  
Raising herself up onto her elbows, she watched Mariah's hands continue to press against the carpet. "What happened?"  
  
"It's no big deal, you just feel asleep with the wine in your hand and spilled a bit."  
  
Tessa got off the couch and onto her knees to join Mariah on the floor. "Oh no let me do it, I'm the one who spilled." She took one of the towels that had yet to be used and placed it next to Mariah's hand where it was still visibly wet.  
  
"I'm more sad about losing perfectly good wine than I am about the carpet being ruined. Tessa looked up from her mess to see Mariah smiling at her, clearly not bothered by the carpet or the loss of wine. Mariah's words were met with silence as Tessa glanced from Mariah's wide grin up to her green eyes.  
  
_Tessa, what did we agree to earlier. She's a cute girl. Why are you looking at her as if you weren't already aware of that._  
  
She didn't realize she was staring with an unreadable expression until Mariah scrunched her eyebrows together and tilted her head to one side.  
  
_Why isn't Tessa saying anything, and yet looking at me like she has a million things to say._  
  
Their hands were close to one another as they kept them pressed against their towels. Tessa didn't even realize she had lifted her thumb up until she felt herself brush it against Mariah's pinky finger. They both looked at their hands and then back at one another.  
  
_Say something! Anything! Mariah is going to realize w-h-y you're staring._  
  
Just as Tessa thought faking a sneeze might be a good out, Mariah brushed her pinky finger against Tessa's thumb and left it there, holding the tiny physical connection in place.  
  
_Wh - Why did I just reciprocate Tessa's touch?_  
_Why are we still not saying anything?_  
  
They both looked down at their hands again, but for longer this time. It felt as if minutes had passed, and neither of them had yet to move. Tessa raised her gaze to Mariah's slightly red lips. Realizing that without her make up on, they were naturally more of a peach color. Mariah looked up to see what Tessa was looking so intently at. As if reacting to the energy she was getting, Mariah felt the need to lick her bottom lip, knowing it would leave behind a glossy look. Their eyes met again, and Tessa now looked confused, as she wasn't expecting this moment between them. More so how Mariah was responding to it.  
  
They both heard the key turn in the lock at the same time. Mariah stood up in a matter of milliseconds and turned to greet Sharon as she came through the door.  
  
"Hey!" Mariah knew it sounded forced. She whipped around and looked down at Tessa who had yet to get off the ground. "Let me finish cleaning this up, you should go lay down, seeing how tired you are."  
  
Standing up to face Mariah, she handed her the towel she was using. "Yeah, I should probably pack the rest of my stuff for the trip tomorrow." They both knew Tessa had all of three, maybe five outfits, in her already packed duffel bag. "Night, Sharon."  
  
"Sleep well." Sharon put her purse down and waited till Tessa was out of sight. "Did you invite her to join you and Devon in San Francisco?"  
  
"Yeah. She seemed lonely without Noah around. Thought she could use the trip." Sharon nodded, satisfied with the answer and too tired to inquire anymore. She made her way into the next room as Mariah looked back down at the wine stained carpet.  
  
_Noah._ She looked off to the side at nothing in particular. _My sweet brother Noah, who's dating Tessa. The girl I just had a moment with. I mean, was it? What exactly was that?_  
  
She knew it'd be best to not give it much more thought, finish cleaning up, and head to bed. Even though her intention was to just forget about it, Mariah thought about Tessa up until she was finally able to fall asleep an hour later.


	3. the red dress

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**Sexuality.**  
  
Mariah lifted her pen after the period and pondered before continuing.  
  
_I told myself I wasn't going to write about this, but here we are._  
  
**I guess if I can't be honest with myself, at least I can be honest with you, journal. Last night, I had a significant moment with -**  
  
She always used everyone's real name when she wrote, but she felt like she needed to use a pseudonym for Tessa. It made Mariah feel better not to write out her full name. As if seeing it made the whole situation that much more real.  
  
_Ta.. To.. Th.._  
_Can I not think of one random name.._  
_Whatever, I'm just going to call her T._  
  
**T and I had a moment in time where everything around us cease to exist. We were interrupted and I'm not sure what would have happened had we not been. I didn't even realize I didn't want the moment to pass until it was gone. I didn't know that I was _enjoying_ it. I can't even say I've formed a concrete thought on what even happened. What still very well may be happening because since we got up, ate breakfast, and drove to meet Devon at the airport, T has yet to look at me. She responded when I asked if she was ready to go, if I could change the station on the radio when we were driving, and what her airline was when we got there. Without looking at me once. So what do I make of someone who is responding to me in one way, and not in another? That has to mean that she felt the tension last night too. Why else would she be avoiding eye contact? **  
**Also, why was I upset our moment ended abruptly last night?**  
**Why do I care if she looks at me today?**  
  
**Let's state what we know -**  
  
**• She didn't respond to my joke, which was unusual**  
**• She was staring at me until our fingers touched**  
**• Then I reciprocated the touch**  
**• We didn't move away**  
**• She was staring at my lips**  
**• I felt the need to lick them because -**  
  
  
  
She paused with the tip of her pen hovering over the space on her paper she was reluctant to fill. The resistance wasn't one she was anticipating because the reason behind it was unfamiliar.  
  
_Just write what you're thinking.. what you're feeling.._  
  
**I knew that she was looking at my lips, and I knew that I didn't want her to stop. So I reacted by licking my bottom lip, in hopes that she would continue to stay focused on them.**  
  
_I wanted her to kiss me._  
  
**I want to know what it's like to kiss T.**  
**Whoa, okay.**  
**Based on my bullets made earlier, I think she wants to know what it's like to kiss me too.**  
  
The plane rattled back and forth a bit and then made contact with the ground.  
  
**Our plane just landed and I should probably wake Devon up.**  
  
She reread to herself all of the words she wrote. For no real reason, she traced over all of the "T's" to make them bolder. Then added -  
  
**Probably for the best that she insisted on getting her own ticket even after Devon offered to pay. I'm not sure if I would've written this if she was on the same plane as me. Even seats away would've been too close. At least I'll have an hour to settle in before the continuation of this weird tension.**  
  
x  
  
Devon just came back from the front desk, making sure the reservation for Tessa's room was still good before she arrived. "Are you doing alright?" Devon asked as he closed the door to their room. "You look like you're pacing back and forth."  
  
Mariah stopped and turned to him, not even realizing he had returned. "Oh yeah, yes, I was just contemplating what outfit to wear for our date tomorrow night."  
  
Devon smiled, "Must be quite the toss up given the strides you were taking. Let me see the options and I'll help you choose."  
  
Already knowing what she was going to wear tomorrow night, she shuffled through her suitcase like she was torn on what to pull out. Finally she revealed the red dress she wanted to wear, a white blouse with a black skirt, and a t-shirt and jeans combo. She waited for Devon's unnecessary feedback.  
  
"My vote is for the skirt and blouse. What do you think?"  
  
She figured why not, she can just wear the dress tonight. "You're right, this is the one."  
  
Devon walked over to Mariah and kissed her. "Can't wait." She reciprocated the smile he gave her.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
Devon looked at his watch before walking over to open the door. "It's a little early for Tessa to already be here."  
  
As he opened the door, Noah was met with confusion. "Noah?" Devon and Mariah said in unison.  
  
"Don't sound so excited." He gave Devon a hug and made his way to give Mariah one too. "Tessa said you guys were going to San Fran and invited her along. I planned my business trip during the renovation because it seemed like the best time to do so, but I reschedule once I heard the whole gang would be out here."  
  
_Why am I annoyed by this?_ Mariah thought to herself.  
  
"Anyways I'm gonna go see if this place is booked up or if we gotta find somewhere close by." He turned to walk back down the hallway.  
  
"Don't worry about it," he stopped as Devon spoke, "we already got Tessa a room down the hall."  
  
"Oh. Thanks man, but we can cover the charge for it." Noah said.  
  
"It was the least I could do since Tessa was going to be keeping Mariah company while I was doing business. Speaking of, I'll be meeting with a few executives tonight to discuss expanding Hamilton Winters. Maybe you can both keep Mariah company for the night."  
  
_I would rather not spend alone time with Tessa and Noah at the moment._  
  
Mariah looked up to the ceiling and gave whatever god responsible for this a dirty look. Then she blurted out. "Unless you guys already made couple plans, cause if so then don't let me get in the way."  
  
"Actually," Noah rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers. "after switching time zones three times within a few days of one another, I'm feeling some jet lag."  
  
_Oh god please don't recommend -_  
  
"How bout you and Tessa have a girls night?" Noah seemed proud of his solution. "I'm going to take a much needed sleep session. Then tomorrow night we can have a double date?"  
  
"Sounds good to me. Mariah?"  
  
_No good reason to say no. No good reason that they know of anyway._  
  
"I'm game if Tessa is." She smiled, hoping that Tessa could come up with an excuse instead.  
  
"Great, I'll catch her up when she gets here. Should be within the hour."  
  
Devon grabbed his room key. "Let me go down stairs with you so you can get your room key before she gets here."  
  
They left the room and Mariah went to sit at the foot of the bed. Still holding onto the outfit that Devon had pick out.  
  
_Tessa would've picked the red dress._  
  
She ran her fingers along one of the seams and sighed.  
  
_A perfectly good trip that was meant for me and Devon. Why did I invite her? Now we might be forced to hang out all night and she won't even look at me._  
  
In that moment she had an idea. She walked over to pick up her red dress and tossed the other outfit back into her suitcase.  
  
_Unless I give her a reason to look at me._


	4. borrowed clothes

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**Where to begin..**  
**Devon has a meeting tonight, and so we won't be able to spend time together until tomorrow. Noah showed up not long after we arrived! For some reason, for the first time ever, I really don't want him around. It didn't click at first as to why, but I realized I prefer T and Noah separately ever since I realized I might have a thing for T. It's as if them being together, side by side, has become a nauseating thought.**  
**Luckily, with all of Noah's recent traveling, he's too tired to hang out tonight. Unluckily, that leaves only T and I as the only ones without plans tonight.**  
**Her plane landed a few hours ago and I have yet to hear from her or Noah that our plans have been canceled. So naturally my mind is running a mile a minute wondering if that means she wants to hang out, she couldn't think of any reason not to, or feels some sort of guilt since she knows I already know that we're suppose to.**  
  
**What do I have to lose?**  
  
**I've decided to wear my red dress tonight. The one that leaves little wonder to where certain curves end, and where others begin. I'm not saying this will work, but the possibility is still there. The plan starts with T acknowledging my presence, since there has been a lack of that. Then if she does, maybe I'll flirt, or do something that will force her to show her cards. I haven't worked that part out completely yet, but it'll come to me.**  
  
Mariah feels her phone vibrate in her pocket and pulls it out to look at it. It was a text from Tessa. _She's probably going to cancel now that I have established some sort of plan of attack._  
  
Tessa Porter: _"Hey, before Devon left for his meeting, he came to our room and dropped off a list of all the festivities that are going on and bands that are playing tonight. I picked out a few that I think we'll both like. What time do you wanna meet downstairs?"_  
  
Mariah was taken back by not only the willingness of Tessa wanting to hang out, but also by how normal her text was. It was written as it would have been if they were planning something any other time.  
  
Written like last night never happened.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"You still want to go?"_  
  
Tessa Porter: _"Why do you sound surprised?"_  
  
_I can't read her vibe over text message. I guess she does want to meet up? What does this mean?_  
  
_Just be smooth._  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"No reason, just checking. Eight o'clock sound good?"_   
  
Tessa Porter: _"Works for me."_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I'll text you when I'm leaving my room."_  
  
x  
  
Tessa was staring at her outfit in the bathroom mirror. She decided on wearing a black tank top, shorts, and one of her looser cardigans that draped off her shoulders a bit. Twirling to one side, and then the other to see herself from all angles. _Well if you keep this up your plan isn't going to work.You have to act like you would any other time you and Mariah would hang out. You've had enough practice with every day leading up to yesterday. So don't pay any mind to whether you look good, don't pay any mind to whether she looks good. Act, talk, and respond to her, normally. None of that 'I don't even know how to look at you' stuff you were pulling earlier. You've had time to regroup and refocus._  
  
x  
  
Mariah and Tessa spent an hour and a half listening to various bands, eating junk food, and picking up little knickknacks such as stickers and pins from the booths. Throughout the time they spent, they both stuck to their objectives. Mariah was trying to be flirty in such a way that if Tessa wasn't interested, it could still be played off as her just being extra friendly. Which is exactly what she had to do each time because Tessa was not wavering from her stance. She was acting as if everything was normal between them. Still picking up on Mariah's failed attempts at flirting, she knew Mariah would get over the other night so long as she acted like she had as well. Tessa wasn't as unsure as Mariah was when it came to reading one another. She knew that in that moment, Mariah started to look at her in a different way. Tessa felt it too, and wanted to let Mariah know that she wasn't the only one who did. If it weren't for her plan to marry Noah and take off with half of his money, she would've. This wasn't the situation that Tessa thought she would be getting herself involved in, and as much as it went against her gut feeling, she was choosing to not act on it.  
  
They ended up having to leave the festival earlier than they had planned because it got rained out. When they got back to the hotel, they went to Mariah's room.  
  
"Again, I'm sorry that I have to borrow clothes from you." Tessa said as Mariah closed the door behind them. "I already didn't pack enough when I came to stay with you and Sharon. I wasn't planning on taking a trip to another state. Then to top it off the outfit I was going to try and use for at least a day and a half while here gets rained on."  
  
Mariah handed Tessa a towel that she grabbed from the bathroom so she could dry her hair off. "It's no problem at all. I'm sorry it rained and we had to cut the evening short."  
  
"At least we got a few songs in." Tessa said as she was drying off her arms and legs. "Anyways, who said the evening was cut short?"   
  
Tessa really was having a lot of fun with Mariah, as she always did. She figured if she could keep the normal momentum going, Mariah wouldn't attempt any other vague comments.  
  
Mariah pulled out a black v-neck and sweatpants and handed them to Tessa. "Are you sure?"  
  
_Maybe the red dress is working._  
  
"I mean Devon did text me that he'd be running late because the meeting has been going so well."  
  
"Yeah, why not? Noah has yet to text me since we left which means he is probably still asleep anyway." She walked towards the bathroom to change out of her wet clothes. "If I go back now I'll probably be awake for the next hour watching cold case files."  
  
"Excellent points you make. Should I open some wine, or we can order pizza?" Mariah pulled out a purple short sleeve shirt and her black shorts that she had been planning to sleep in.  
  
"How about both?" She gave the most natural smile she could muster before she closed the bathroom door and let out a heavy sigh. She knew this would be difficult for both of them, but that's exactly why she had to do it. They needed to get past this so Tessa could continue on with her fake love affair with Noah.  
  
Mariah began to change out of her wet clothes while Tessa was in the bathroom doing the same.  
  
_Okay, let's assess the situation up until this point. Tessa could've easily canceled our plans tonight, which means she willingly came to hang out with me knowing it would only be the two of us. She picked out the festivities and bands we should check out, which shows initiative. Not that she made it rain, but she could've gone back to her room tonight and wore something of Noah's to bed and then came by in the morning for a change of clothes. Then, she names off reasons why she is in no rush to get back to her own room. Finally, she suggests the night doesn't have to end and we can hang out some more. By ourselves. With our very own kryptonite; red wine._  
  
_One could easily say I'm no expert at reading people, signals, and relationships in general because I was in a cult and loss my sense of self awareness. Though, I like to think I know Tessa well enough by now to know what her intentions are. Even if my subtle, flirtatious comments at the venue were overlooked by her, all of the 'I don't want this night to end' evidence that has built up since then suggests she has the same intentions as I do tonight. So I've decided I'm going to try and kiss her, and whether she stops me from doing so or not will give the situation some clarity._


	5. control the narrative

Tessa was staring at the door handle while she was standing in the bathroom. On the other side, she could hear Mariah hanging up the landline having just placed their pizza order. She was reluctant to open the door because she hadn't yet thought about what she needs to be mindful of. This would include how long she would allow them to hold a stare, where they will be sitting and the distance placed between them, whether she laughs at everything she says like she usually would, or if she should hold back some. She started to feel the palms of her hands gather little pellets of sweat in them. Turning around, she gripped the edge of the sink as she looked at herself in the mirror.  
  
_It's just Mariah. You have known her for how many months now? Never letting your thoughts wander past platonic correlations. It's like I set myself up for failure by ever letting that moment between us happen. For waiting past my window of opportunity where I could've said I spaced out and she would've never touched me back. I don't know why I didn't stop it, and I don't know what I was expecting from letting it happen. It's not like I knew I would be thinking about her every hour since it happened. It's also not like I knew she would like me back, and so much so that she would keep flirting with me._  
  
She shifted her weight off of the counter and gave herself a reassuring nod.  
  
_You control the narrative, and the purpose of staying is to make Mariah see that you're better off as friends._  
  
Mariah's voice broke up Tessa's inner monologue.  
  
"Everything alright in there?"  
  
They were both well aware that Tessa had been in the bathroom for two to three minutes longer than one would need to change out of clothes.  
  
Tessa considered what good excuse she could say besides, "trying to talk myself out of liking you, or, man those cheese fries caught up to me."  
  
"I'm writing a song!" In a way, she said it before she thought it. She knew Mariah was making a confused face on the other side of the door by the lack of response at first, and the infliction in her tone when she did respond.   
  
"You're writing a song.. in the bathroom?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
_I could just stay in here the next thirty minutes saying that opening the door will release the creative energy I've created._  
  
"Oh, okay, so are you just going to stay in there, or?" Tessa could hear the sarcasm in her voice. "Would you like me to slide a piece of paper and pen under the door?"  
  
_Now she's going to think you're weird._  
  
Tessa opened the door. "Sorry, I just kept repeating the lyrics so I wouldn't forget them."  
  
"That's exactly why," Mariah walked over to the desk next to her bed and grabbed the small notepad and cheap pen that the hotel supplied with their insignia on them, "you should write it down before you forget." Walking back over and holding the two items out for Tessa, she smiled when Tessa took them. "I'm going to crack open this wine, you can write down whatever you have swirling around in your head and it should be about," she glanced at her phone for the time, "ten to fifteen minutes till the pizza should be arriving."  
  
"Sounds good." Tessa looked over to the open space in front of the television. Her plan was to see where Mariah was going to sit first, then choose a reasonable spot. She thought about the desk but Mariah was now leaning up against it, uncorking the bottle.

 _I guess I could just sit on the couch and say I have to leave if she sits too close to me._  
_Why am I overthinking this so much?_  
_Stressing out for a situation I can totally manage._  
  
x  
  
For the next ten to fifteen minutes, Tessa was seated crossed legged on the couch, hunching over her pad of paper. She could feel Mariah's eyes on her every few minutes, and then sense that she was looking at her phone again. Knowing there was a slight chance that Mariah would ask to read what she wrote, Tessa wrote a song she had written years ago that no one has ever heard. It wasn't anything special, just about how fast life goes by. She just needed it to fill her paper as if it was fresh on her mind. Instead of reliving the lyrics as she wrote them, she thought of a new approach for what to do about Mariah. _I'm just going to let her down, easy. Stop it before it starts, and by stop it, I mean anymore attempts she makes to see if I feel the same way about our moment. If there's anything I have realized in the last twenty-four hours its that if anyone or anything is going to ruin my plan, its going to be Mariah Copeland._  
  
The knock on the door made them both look up to meet eyes with one another, then say simultaneously, "I'll get it!" Mariah laughed as she made her way to the door and whispered "jinx" as she passed Tessa.  
  
Tessa sat the pen and paper down on the coffee table in front of her and picked up her glass she had already chugged all of except for one last sip. "I would say you owe me a soda but," she drank the last bit, "I suppose a refill of this red will do."  
  
_That was definitely flirting._ Mariah thought to herself as she tipped the delivery guy.  
  
Setting the pizza down on the coffee table next to Tessa's 'new' song, Mariah opened the box to reveal a half cheese, half pepperoni pizza.  
  
"Did you get half cheese for me?" Tessa couldn't help but smile as she grabbed a slice and started eating.  
  
"Of course. What kind of host would I be to make you pick off all the pepperoni, and yet still taste the remanence of its presence. Mariah went to get her glass and the bottle where she had left them on the desk and made her way back to sit on the couch with Tessa. She left ample amounts of space between them, to both of their surprises.  
  
_Wow okay. I'm much more nervous than I expected to be about this. She watched Tessa pour more wine into her glass, and began sipping on her own to give her an excuse to not be the one to start talking first._ Tessa put the bottle back on the coffee table and grabbed another slice of the cheese side of the pizza. _She's on her second slice already, and I know she only eats fast when she's nervous. Maybe she has the same plan as I do. I'm sipping to avoid talking and she's eating to avoid talking. This is good, right? I mean, she's nervous too which should make me less nervous._  
  
Tessa knew where Mariah's mind most likely was, and she knew just the topic to get it off that.  
  
"Thanks for letting Noah and I crash your guys weekend. I know seeing San Francisco has always been on his bucket list."  
  
"Oh yeah it's really not a bother." _Why is she bringing Noah up if we're on the same page?_ "I mean it's not like we're going to be hanging out all of tomorrow. Not sure if Noah told you but we're having a double date with you guys tomorrow evening. Devon and I will be spending the day together though, and of course after our date, the night." Mariah watched Tessa's face for any sign of jealousy, but there was none.  
  
"He did tell me about our plans together. Besides that, we'll probably end up doing something similar, after we check out the city for a few hours." Tessa felt the need to be even more convincing when it came to being excited to hang out with Noah. "It'll be nice sleeping next to him again. Even one night apart made it hard to sleep." She could feel the gears turning in Mariah's head, but she knew she needed them to be turning so she pushed her buttons a bit. "What about you and Devon? Is it hard on you when he goes away on business?"  
  
Mariah was now eating her pepperoni side of the pizza, feeling defeated but looking unbothered. "Absolutely." _Two can play this game._ "I always have a surprise for him though when he gets back. To show him how much I missed him." She winked at Tessa and could see the uncertainty in her eyes. "I could go into detail if you wan - "  
  
Tessa held out one of her hands to indicate that she knew enough. "No need. I think I can piece that riddle together." _Don't indicate that you're at all bothered by the idea of them being together. Don't give her that power._ She held up her glass to toast Mariah, since they always toasted to something positive when they drank. Although this time it was in an effort to rid the nauseating thought of Mariah and Devon, _missing each other._ "To us," Tessa said as Mariah followed her gesture and held up her glass, "for finding such great guys." Tessa clinked their glasses together and took a sip while Mariah had a moment of pause as she was hesitant to drink to something that went against her intentions tonight. She drank a few gulps and set her glass rather heavily onto the coffee table, causing a tad to splash up to the rim of the glass and then fall back into the glass.  
  
"Better be more careful." Tessa laughed at Mariah's clumsiness. "Remember the last time we drank red wine.."  
  
It's as if they both thought of the exact same moment just by her saying that sentence. They held each others gaze for a moment but Tessa wouldn't let it go on even a second longer. "I split some, remember?"  
  
Waiting for Mariah to break the silence on her end, Tessa sat her glass down as well, deciding that she's had enough to drink since her sentences were becoming too loose.  
  
Mariah, on the other hand, was embracing her liquid courage. "That's not all I remember."  
  
They fell into another moment of silence and staring and Tessa knew by the determination in Mariah's eyes that she wasn't going to leave that hotel room tonight without addressing what happened between them.  
  
"Mariah," Tessa began to say as she shifted her gaze to the space between them on the couch, "I know that - " She stopped mid sentence when she noticed Mariah had gotten off the couch to stand up. Only for a moment though as she walked the two steps she needed to take to be closer to where Tessa was sitting. She reached down and took one of Tessa's hands that had been resting on top of the other. Pulling upwards, Tessa's body followed suit. Though Tessa knew exactly where this movement was leading towards, knew that it was against the rules she had set for herself, there was something so indulging about the way Mariah was looking at her. Her standing was almost involuntary, like her body was speaking for her mind.  
  
Mariah glanced at Tessa's lips, and then looked back into her eyes, as their bodies slowly closed the distance between them. She brought one hand up to cup Tessa's cheek, and felt Tessa let out the tiniest gasp as a result. Waiting a moment to see if there was any sign of Tessa wanting her to stop her advances, and she wasn't met with one. Instead, Tessa placed her hand on Mariah's waist and tugged her closer so that their hips were pressing against one another. Mariah took this as the green light to proceed. She leaned in and Tessa mimicked her actions.  
  
They both smiled as they got closer to knowing what it would feel like to kiss the other. Something that had been on _both_ of their minds since last night. The side of their noses grazed against one another, and they could feel the others breath hit their lips -  
  
The door knob made a small buzz sound. The kind it made when someone was sliding their card into the electronic slot.  
  
They pulled back a bit sharing the same worried look on their faces. Both knowing what was about to happen, and what was actually happening. Tessa let go of Mariah's hip and flung herself back to where she was sitting on the couch and Mariah did the same.  
  
The door opened and Mariah began to fake laugh, as if Devon had just walked in on a joke being told. With her back to Devon, Tessa gave Mariah a weird look since the laugh was not her usual, _natural_ laugh. Regardless, she knew it would be best to join in on the diversion anyway.  
  
"Well you two seem to be making the most of a rainy night." Devon shook his jacket off of his shoulders and hung it on the coat rack, clearly unaware of what Mariah's fake laugh sounded like.  
  
Mariah let her laugh die out. "Oh yeah, just eating and drinking, talking about girl stuff."  
  
"Well don't let me interrupt." Devon walked over to Mariah and leaned down to give her a kiss.  
  
Tessa watched him pull his lips away from hers and the smile that formed on Mariah's face as she looked at him. "You're not interrupting." Tessa looked at the area on her wrist where a watch would be, but wasn't. "It's time I hit the sack anyway." She got up and gathered her wet clothes, and grabbed one more slice of pizza before heading towards the door.  
  
"Alright, well have a good rest of your night." Devon focused his attention on Mariah again. He started to undo the buttons on his shirt. "I'm going to take a quick shower before I come to bed. Mariah nodded towards him and he made his way to the bathroom.  
  
Tessa turned the door handle with her elbow, seeing that her hands were full. She was successful and slipped out of the room without saying anything else to Mariah. Having a hunch that Mariah might follow her now that Devon wasn't present, she walked briskly down the hall to get to her room a few doors down.  
  
She heard the unlatching sound the doors made when opened and then, "Tessa." Mariah's voice was behind her and she stopped walking.  
  
Opposed to turning around entirely, Tessa turned her head to the side so that Mariah would hear her, but so that she didn't have to look at her while she said, "We have to forget this ever happened."   
  
Without giving her time to respond, Tessa walked the last few feet to her room. Struggling to open the door with pizza in one hand, and clothes in the other, she managed to slip her card in the slot. Looking down the hall, she could see a mixture of sadness and confusion on Mariah's face. She felt awful about not saying more, but she now knew that she lacked resistance when her and Mariah were alone together. Without even risking a conversation leading to more, she pushed the door the rest of the way open and went into her room. Leaving Mariah to feel abandoned in the now empty hallway.


	6. water is fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bridesmaid at a wedding this weekend, and it's been hectic putting this together while maintaining the brides sanity. Thank you for your patience!  
> Sorry in advance for the hetero-ness happening in this chapter. I assure you it's for the greater good of homosexual-ness to follow!

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**Holy Cannoli do I have story for you. Where to begin..**  
  
**Mentioning how I tried to kiss T was of course something I was gong to write about, but I'm not even sure how to elaborate because I'm not entirely clear on what happened passed that point. I will say that I don't think she had _any_ intention of stopping me. If you saw the way she was looking at me.. **  
  
**She was fully aware of what was happening, so much so that she even pulled me in by grabbing onto my hip. I have no doubt in my mind that she wanted to kiss me too. The thing that hasn't left my mind though is whether that was only for the moment. As in she probably hasn't even thought twice about it being a big deal. Which in the case of two straight friends, kissing one another after drinking wouldn't even need to be brought up again because they both know that they want to be with men.**  
  
**Will us talking about this rely on whether T thinks I'm straight or not?**  
  
**The only reason she would question my sexuality, besides my advances last night, would be from conversations we have had in the past about Devon. Who is the only person I've been with since T and I became friends. I never fully allowed myself to fall for Devon, and she knows that because we have analyzed the reasons why quite a few times. Whether it be my up bringing, Devon's never-ending love affair with Hilary, or my inability to trust anyone, we have considered it all. She always felt that it was something I wasn't allowing because I wasn't ready, and that only I would know when that time was. I'm starting to wonder if it's not a matter of when, but a matter of who. The way I felt last night when we were seconds away from kissing, that feeling leading up to it, I haven't felt that feeling once with Devon. Not even with our first kiss, which I can honestly say right now as I write this, I can't even remember when that was.**  
  
**Maybe that's why karma sent him to break up the moment, to remind me of who I'm with. Just another thing to feel awful about. Beyond being emotionally and physically attracted someone else besides Devon, possibly ruining T and I's friendship, and then hitting on my brothers girlfriend.**  
  
**I don't know how to not like her, and that's all I'm sure of right now. Maybe if I can figure that out, I can avoid everything else falling apart.**  
  
**But wait..**  
  
**I haven't even told you about what happened in the hallway! After Devon came in he went to take a shower and T left the room and I followed her and when I said her name she stopped walking and told me that "We have to forget this ever happened." Not "I" have to forget, but "We." Maybe I'm reading into the wordage, but I think that means that us not being able to finish what we started affected her too. Since it's something she's intending to forget ever happened as well. Like I said earlier with straight friends, they don't think twice about kissing each other, let alone force themselves to forget about it because they can't bare the thought of never getting to do it again.**  
  
**Ugh, I rest my case. Which is, I think T likes me back. Now it's a matter of where to go from here. I was thinking before I fell asleep last night, maybe I should let her lead. I'm either going to get T that wants to talk about it, or T that's going to act like nothing happened. For the second time might I add!**  
  
**Maybe there's a reason she felt the need to invite Noah.**  
**To distract her own feelings for me?**  
  
**Maybe there's a reason Devon's meeting ended when it did.**  
**Because he's the one I'm suppose to be with?**  
  
**I'm asking the universe for one clear, unmistakable sign.**  
  
x  
  
_Well I have successfully managed to avoid Mariah all day. Not that it wasn't already apart of the plan to spend the day with Noah in the city, and then meet up with Devon and Mariah later tonight for our double date. Though I made sure to ask Noah this morning where Mariah and Devon would be visiting, and the one place he knew for sure was Fisherman's Wharf to see Pier 39. Not knowing where they would go from there, I made sure that Noah and I avoided North Beach all together to stay on the safe side. No need to make this double date be for both lunch and dinner. Instead I was easily able to convince Noah that we go to Haight-Ashbury. There were plenty of record stores with live music, vintage clothing shops, and bookshops for us to explore. Golden State Park was adjacent to the neighborhood, and we spent the rest of the afternoon walking through there. I was really trying to use this time to enjoy Noah as a person. Obviously not romantically, since I don't feel any sort of "in love" feeling with him. More so as an individual, and he was fun to be around with our jam packed day of adventures._  
  
_The only thing that had nothing to do with today but was certainly present was last night._  
  
_I found myself enjoying my time one moment, and then thinking about Mariah the next. I'm not unaware to the fact that I have a crush on Noah's sister, and my best friend. I am however just becoming aware of how big of a crush that is. Though kissing Mariah last night would've changed everything between our platonic dynamic, I've never not wanted a door to open so bad in my life. If only it could've happened and we knew the feeling. At least it would've given us something with substance to hold onto in our memories. Instead we have this 'almost' moment. Which I realized we can't have again unless we were really laying it all on the line. You know before I could feed that urge and get to kiss Mariah, and then later deny the meaning behind it. Now if one of us tries to kiss the other and we both go through with it, the feelings are laid out for us. We would've put ourselves in a situation twice, and that would mean I would have to admit that I like her. Which would then make her want to leave Devon and ask me to leave Noah, possibly. None of this can happen, which is why I'm disappointed we didn't get to do it._  
  
_Same goes for the hallway. We couldn't have carried on there either because it would've clearly meant more than lets drink wine, eat pizza, and make out in San Francisco on a rainy Friday night._  
  
_I'm not even going to pretend with myself anymore, thinking that I have any sort of control around Mariah. I know that I don't._  
  
_Noah is still getting ready in the other room and we're planning to meet up with them within the next twenty to thirty minutes at a restaurant Devon made reservations at. The new plan I derived somewhere in-between the last antique shop we went into, and the hotdog stand Noah insisted we stopped at, was no longer about avoiding Mariah. Dodging her the second we got back in to town was the original plan as I walked down the hallway last night with pizza grease running down my arm. Now it's more of a falling out. I'm going to do my best, without at all indicating that it was on purpose, that we just drifted apart as friends. Then Mariah may forget there ever was a connection, so long as I become someone she no longer has one with._  
  
_I also decided that I'm not returning the clothes she gave to me to wear last night. They maybe the only thing I still have of hers after all of this is over._  
  
x  
  
Tessa looked at her phone for the time and realized Devon and Mariah were running late to dinner. Noah, who was seated beside her, was still looking over the menu. "What do you thinks taking them so long?" Tessa needed an answer, and she sure wasn't going to text Mariah to ask.  
  
"Who knows. Mariah does take forever to get ready." Noah flipped to the next page in the menu.  
  
"You think every girl takes _forever_ to get ready."  
  
"Says the girl who was trying to pick between two shirts for at least five whole minutes."  
  
_Maybe I should tell him that I wasn't really trying to decide on shirts, but was actually weighing the pros and cons of our relationship. Factoring in whether his sister was worth losing everything for._  
  
"They both looked good on me, what can I say?"  
  
"Fair point, they both did." Noah gave her a kiss and pulled away to acknowledge the waitress that had just walked up.  
  
The waitress addressed Noah. "What would you two like to drink?"  
  
In that moment Tessa saw Devon and Mariah looking around for their table as they entered the restaurant. Devon started talking to the hostess at the front while Mariah's gaze searched around the room till she met eyes with Tessa.  
  
_Whoa_. Tessa thought.  
  
Tessa couldn't help but stare as she admired the white blouse with the black skirt that Devon had chosen as Mariah's double date outfit the night before.  
  
"Babe?" Noah nudged Tessa's arm. "She wants to know what you'll have to drink."  
  
She gave the waitress a small smile. "Sorry, I blanked out. Water is fine, thank you."  
  
Tessa could see out of the corner of her eye that Devon and Mariah were walking towards them now and it took all of her strength not to look Mariah up and down again as they approached them.  
  
"Hey guys." Devon said as he gave Noah a pat on the shoulder and sat down across from him in the booth. Mariah took the seat beside him, now being across from Tessa.  
  
_Wonderful. When I look up she's directly in front of me._ Tessa thought to herself but showed no wavering in her face.  
  
"Thanks again for giving me the number of that booking agent." Noah said to Devon. "I really was in search for new acts to perform in the Underground." Noah turned to Tessa and gave her a small peck. "Not that you haven't been holding down the fort perfectly fine on your own."  
  
Mariah felt a twinge in her stomach at the display of affection.  
  
"Don't mention it." Devon said.  
  
The waitress came back to the table and set down four waters. "The other two just wanted water, would either of you like something else as well."  
  
Devon put his arm around Mariah. "You drinking tonight, babe?"  
  
Tessa felt the same twinge in her stomach now.  
  
Mariah had become very aware of how much Tessa was not looking at her since they had sat down, and she couldn't help but feel justified in saying, "Depends, what kind of night are we trying to have?"  
  
Devon laughed while pulling Mariah even closer to him. "I guess we're drinking." He looked at the waitress. "Jack and Coke, please."  
  
"I'll have the same." Mariah said as she leaned her head against Devon's.  
  
"Coming right up." The waitress spun around on her heel and was off to get their drinks.  
  
"Look I know we're in the city of love," Noah said as he took a sip of his water, "but you guys don't have to be gross about it."  
  
Devon and Mariah smiled at one another and Mariah nuzzled her head into Devon's neck. Tessa was starting to feel very confused because this wasn't the Mariah she had planned on proving to that they needed to keep things friendly.

x  
  
The waitress had brought Devon and Mariah's drinks, and taken everyones orders. The conversation for the next hour was mostly made up of Devon and Noah talking about what they had seen that day, and business ventures they thought the other would be interested to talk about. Mariah kept sipping her jack and coke, taking a few bites of her chicken and parm, while nodding along to the boys talking. Tessa ate the least out of everyone, and was pushing her food from one side of the plate to the other. Mariah of course had noticed, but after seeing Tessa and Noah together for the first time since last night, she had this annoying feeling while looking at the two of them. She felt the need to give it back, in a way. In hopes that it would bother Tessa. That's why she kept rubbing Devon's back, laughing at his jokes, and smiling at him as he spoke. She did have something to give to Tessa though, since it was hers. The boys continued talking while Mariah shuffled through her purse.   
  
"I uh," Mariah pulled out a piece of paper from her purse, "wanted to make sure you got this back." Mariah handed Tessa the song that she had written last night and had left on the coffee table.  
  
"Thanks." Tessa took the note from Mariah's hand, and for the first time that night looked up to see Mariah looking back at her.  
  
Tessa did her half smile she did when she was trying to assess where the other persons mind was at. She didn't want to be too forward now that she had Mariah's attention. Mariah gave the same hesitant smile back, kind of feeling bad now for her stand offish attitude.  
  
"Thank god we decided on doing dinner and not going to see that Norwegian punk band that only Mariah wanted to see." Noah's voice broke up their visual love affair.  
  
Devon laughed and Mariah gave him a look. "Hey you know I would've gone with you had there been more time in the day."  
  
"Easy to say that now." Mariah and him shared a look for a moment and Tessa felt that she had sat through enough of this avoidance, and cute shit.  
  
Tessa turned to Noah. "I'm ready to go when you are." She whispered into his ear and he raised his eyebrows as she looked at him with her, 'let's go back to our room' look.  
  
"Well, I think it's time to call it a night." Noah said as he took his wallet out of his back pocket.  
  
Devon and him fought over who was going to pay the check while Tessa began rubbing Noah's back with one of her hands. Her gaze shifted from the table to Mariah who was already looking back at her. Mariah was watching Tessa's hand for a moment before she moved one of her hands to rest on Devon's leg. They locked eyes once more but this time with more of a shared competitive look. Mariah leaned her head onto Devon's shoulder while maintaining eye contact. Tessa leaned in to whisper something into Noah's ear, while never breaking the stare off with Mariah, and Noah looked very intrigued from whatever she had said. Mariah could feel herself filling with jealously. She took the hand that was on Devon's leg and used it to pull him into a kiss, ending whatever exchange he was in the middle of with Noah.  
  
Devon pulled away from the kiss. "Alright, alright, we're leaving!" He threw some cash in the middle of the table to cover the tip. "You guys have a good rest of your night."  
  
Noah raised his water before drinking a final sip. "You too."  
  
Devon and Mariah started to walk away from the table and Mariah looked back at Tessa. There was something so unfamiliar about the way Mariah was looking at her. Like they had just taken on some unspoken challenge to prove to the other that their current relationships were stable. Mariah turned her head back around and they walked out of the restaurant.  
  
_What is she trying to prove?_ Tessa thought to herself. _Maybe it's the same thing that I was trying to prove. That yesterday meant nothing and we should appreciate the people we're already dating. Maybe that's how she really feels now.._  
  
_I'm so confused as to what that whole exchange even was. More so, why am I so irritated that we might be on the same page? If that's the case, then I can continue to focus on manipulating Noah._  
  
_What do I care if she's more into Devon than me?_  
  
x

Mariah _spent_ the night with Devon, and Tessa _spent_ it with Noah. Neither of them felt anything towards their partner during their intimate moments, though Tessa feeling nothing with Noah, to include sex with him, was nothing new to her. Even so, there was something different about it this time, and Mariah's mind was in the same place. They thought of the other throughout the night, and neither of them fought the thoughts they had. They both knew that there was no going back when it came to how they felt about one another. They both also knew that they weren't going to be the one to do anything about it.  
  
It was a restless night in the city of San Francisco, and both Mariah and Tessa tossed and turned until the sun came up. Their minds swarming with uncertainty of where they stood as friends. More so, if either of them could even handle being 'just friends,' anymore.


	7. write her full name

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**It's around noon on Sunday and I just got back into Genoa City. I'm currently at home but plan on meeting up with Kyle at Crimson Lights later. There is truly no one else for me to talk to about this and although journaling is good for self reflection, it's not giving me the kind of feedback that I'm in need of right now.**  
  
**Everyone wasn't suppose to leave San Francisco till tomorrow morning but I was able to convince Devon that Sharon really needed me to come back because her and Nick had a fight. This of course is not true, but also not the farthest stretch when it comes to Sharon drama. I made it sound like such a bad fight that she couldn't go a day longer without her daughter here by her side to comfort her during this _difficult_ time _._**  
  
_I have to remember to tell Sharon this plan._  
  
**Anyway the reason I made up that excuse was so that I didn't have to continue hanging out with Devon, Noah, and T today. Devon and I were probably going to get brunch with them and then go back out into the city for more sight seeing activities. He wanted to go out to eat later tonight just the two of us, and I'm sure Noah and T had something similar planned as well.**  
  
**It's just that, when I got up this morning, I was still fuming a little from last night. So I booked a flight a day early, lied to Devon about why I needed to get back home, and now I'm going to meet up with Kyle to talk about all of this.**  
  
**This being, the last two nights. The first night where T and I stayed in and we almost kissed. Which could've very well have continued in the hallway when I stopped her from returning to her room because she left without saying anything. I don't know what I was expecting to happen in the hallway. Like what would happen if she had turned around and walked back towards me? I'm not even sure I have the guts to approach her _like that_ again. Once was nerve racking enough. Then last night we all went out to eat and it's like T and I were treating one another as if we didn't even know each other. Like we were the dates to two guy best friends. I don't know what I expected to happen at dinner that hasn't already been a constant draw back from T. All I knew was that once T didn't even acknowledge me when we walked up to the table at dinner, my plan of let her lead, shifted. Beyond just seeing her and Noah together making me feel ill these days, she clearly made up her mind about how we were going to approach this situation; by avoiding even saying hello. It was then that I decided that it was my turn to do whatever I wanted. Then when I did just that, she basically mimicked me. Every time I touched Devon, she would touch Noah. Like we were trying to prove where our loyalties lied.**  
  
Mariah took a moment and looked up from her journal. She was sitting on her bed and glanced across the room to her suitcase that she hadn't unpacked yet. On the outside she had a new sticker that she had placed next to the others she had gathered from past travels. The sticker was in the shape of a circle that read, "San Francisco" on the top and "1776" on the bottom. It was one that she had picked out at a booth her and Tessa came across on Friday night.  
  
_Before the almost kiss_. She thought to herself, and began to feel anger stir inside of her again.  
  
_Write her full name in the journal, you coward._ She looked back at her journal and began to spell out the name she had allowed to have so much power over her writing.  
  
**Tessa. Her name is Tessa.**  
  
She closed her journal and got ready before making her way to Crimson Lights.  
  
x  
  
Kyle added some creamer into his coffee before he joined Mariah at the booth she was sitting at. She had been sitting there for the last twenty minutes trying to find the right words on how to explain to Kyle what she needed to talk about. She decided to just paraphrase what happened and hope that he would have an answer to her problems.  
  
Kyle had barely sat down when Mariah blurted out, "I almost kissed Tessa."  
  
He raised his eyebrows as he looked behind him to see if the people at the table closest to them had heard. They continued to converse which means they probably hadn't heard her. He turned back around to face Mariah. "Well say it a little louder I don't think the entire coffee shop caught that."  
  
Mariah reached across the table and lightly slapped Kyle's arm. "This is serious! We almost kissed, then we had this moment in the hallway, then I avoided her all day to include through text which is so unlike us because we text all the time, and then we had dinner and we probably didn't say more than fifteen words to one another, then we were both flirting with our boyfriends, which usually makes sense because we're dating them but now it's starting to feel unnatural and forced, at least for me anyway, and this morning I came back to Genoa City so I wouldn't have to deal with being around Devon, Noah, or Tessa, all of whom I lied to just so I wouldn't have to be uncomfortable for one more day - "  
  
"Whoa whoa whoa," Kyle held up his hand without the mug in it, "can I at least have a cup first before we get into this?" He finally had his first sip.  
  
"There's no time!'' Mariah held up both of her hands dramatically. "I need you to tell me what to do."  
  
"What do you mean there's no time you just said that you left the city and that they're all still there."  
  
"Yes but it's going to be tomorrow before I know it and I doubt I will come up with any solutions by myself by then." Mariah took a sip of her coffee as well, even though it had become cold from her waiting for Kyle.  
  
"I hope that's decaf." He smiled at his own joke and he could visibly see Mariah's shoulders relax a little at his sarcastic, yet worthy advice.  
  
"I'll drink decaf when I feel more prepared with my current situation. Kyle, you're the only person I've confided in about this. So your advice is truly all I have to go off of. What do you think I should do?"  
  
"Well, have you talked to her about any of this yet?"  
  
"No. I mean I was going to in the hallway, but she said we had to forget about it."  
  
"Forget that you two almost kissed?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He looked over Mariah's shoulder to think as he rubbed his chin. "Huh. That's kind of weird of her to say seeing that you two talk about everything together."  
  
"Right! I thought that was weird too." Mariah looked down at the light brown liquid in her cup. "The thing is I don't think I would've ever thought of her in that way had she not made a move. I mean, if you can even call it that. She split wine at Sharon's house and I was cleaning it up and then she started to help me and she ever so slightly let our fingers touch. Like, for a long time, and she didn't move it for a good minute or so. Then I reciprocated the touch and it's been weird between us ever since. I have yet to place her back in the friend folder in my mind since then because I'm not sure I can handle being "just friends" with her anymore. I don't know what it is between us, but it's definitely something."  
  
Sharon was going around topping everyone's coffee off and walked passed their table. Mariah stopped her by grabbing onto her arm as she was passing. "Hey next time you see Devon he may ask about an emergency you had, just say it worked itself out."  
  
Sharon looked between Kyle and Mariah and put her hand on her hip. "Does this have anything to do with why you're back in town so soon? Or the thing that you said you didn't want to go into detail about, but is clearly bothering you?"  
  
"I'll explain later."  
  
"Mhm." Sharon looked between their cups on the table. "Either of you want some more?"  
  
Kyle raised his mug. "I'll take some." Sharon topped him off and Kyle placed his hand over Mariah's cup before she could answer. "She doesn't need anymore at the moment." Mariah gave him a look and Sharon left to check on the other customers. "I can't say that I'm surprised that this happened, but I can say that I'm surprised that it hasn't happened sooner."  
  
"Wha - Tessa and I?"  
  
"Yeah you guys are _really_ close."  
  
"A lot of best friends are, that's what makes them best friends."  
  
"Eh, you and I are friends, but we don't text each other all day everyday."  
  
"Well I hate to break it to you since Lola hasn't, but you're a boring texter."  
  
"You know that's not my point." He sat back in the booth and raised both of his arms to rest along the back of his seat. "I know you don't need me to tell you that what you two are doing, or will do, is not fair to Noah or Devon. I know you know that. I also know that you won't let anything else happen now that the moment has passed, unless you and Tessa both became single again. So what I'm saying is that you have a good heart because you recognize this, and I think that you should go off of what it's telling you. If it's telling you to break up with Devon because you have feelings for someone else, or you don't feel anything romantic towards him anymore, then you should end it. I think you need to start there because unlike with Noah and Tessa, you do have a say in where your relationship goes from here. Just be true to yourself, while also being  
fair to Devon."  
  
"You may suck at texting but you're really good at relationship advice."  
  
"Isn't that the reason why you called me?" He smiled widely. "So what is your heart telling you to do?"  
  
Mariah let out a heavy sigh she hadn't realized she was holding in. She thought about the way she felt around Devon verses how she felt around Tessa. The feeling she got when each of them smiled at her, talked to her, and were close to her. She smiled to herself because of the clarity she felt, but still felt awful saying out load what she knew was the right thing to do.  
  
"It's telling me to break up with him."  
  
Kyle nodded in agreement, already having an idea on what her answer was going to be. "Not because I think Tessa is going to leave Noah for me. I mean shoot we haven't even talked about what each of us are feeling. I don't even know if she would even consider dating me. I'm doing this because I don't feel that spark with Devon, and if I can feel it elsewhere, then he's not the one I'm suppose to be with right now."


	8. the position did not exist

_When I woke up yesterday morning, Noah informed me that Mariah had gone home a day early. Something she typically would've told me about by now, at least through text. Apparently she gave Devon a vague answer about why, something to do with Sharon. This following all the events that have happened from Thursday to Saturday, I find the timing of all of this to be suspicious. No matter how convincing she thought she was when she was flirting with Devon in front of me, I'm not buying it. As I'm sure she wasn't buying the spark between Noah and I since I was just copying whatever she was doing. In hopes that both of us were coming off as equally normal. I'm not even sure of where we are at right now, friendship wise. The best way I can put it into words is that I don't want to lose the friendship, but at the same time I don't know how to be friends with her. Not when I feel this thing that's been building up for a while. Also not while she's acting like we're less than friends. I would like to think we still are._  
  
_We got back a few hours ago and she has yet to come by the house. Sometimes she comes home from work for lunch, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that this was not one of those days.._  
  
_I can't believe she thought she could skip town like that and leave everyone hanging on the last day. The. Last. Day. Am I that difficult to be around that the thought of one more day would be unbearable to her? Well I decided on the plane that she's got another thing coming if she thinks she can out-avoid me. I basically created avoidance._  
  
_I thought this was the answer to the problem but now that she's taking the same route and it's a reality, it feels like the wrong answer._  
  
_We have to talk about what is going on between us._  
  
_I didn't have anything lined up with Devon and the studio today, so I guess I'll be waiting here till Mariah gets home. I already thought about texting her but why bother when there won't be a response to it._  
  
_No. We're going to have to do this thing in person._  
  
Tessa made herself busy for the remainder of the day. She did the little bit of laundry she had to do, showered to pass the time, called Crystal to check up on her, and even vacuumed the floor she was staying on. She took a break after vacuuming Mariah's room, and when she did she glanced at the same sticker Mariah was fixated on the day prior. The orange and white sticker stuck out among the rest. Beyond it being bright because it was the newest one to be added, it stuck out to her in a rhythmic way.  
  
_"San Francisco, 1776."_ She thought to herself.  
  
A grin formed on Tessa's face as words began to buzz around in her head. As they often did when lyrics flooded her mind, all of them trying to be apart of the chosen few that would become a melody.  
  
"1776." She said out loud to no one but herself.  
  
Not bothering to vacuum the extra spare room down the hall, as it was the last one she had left to do on the floor, she put the vacuum away and went to her room. She pulled her notepad and pen out of her duffel bag and began writing each and every thought that came to mind, deciding that she can sort out the order the lyrics go in at a later date.  
  
x  
  
Mariah kept shifting her weight from one side to the other in her chair while she waited for Devon to meet her at the cafe they decided to have lunch at. It's as if she were trying to find the most comfortable position to sit in when breaking up with someone. Nearly falling out of her chair as she did the last shift, she decided that -  
  
_The position did not exist._  
  
She wasn't only thinking about Devon, but of course Tessa as well as she sat there. It was Monday, which meant that Tessa would most likely be home when she finished work, seeing that the renovation at Noah's is still underway. Tessa’s presence at the house again was another motivation for her to break up with Devon that much sooner. Seeing Tessa roam about the house and more likely than not, checking her out while she did, was not fair to Devon. Even though her pining over Tessa would lead to nothing, her thoughts made her feel like she was cheating emotionally.  
  
_Like Kyle said, I have to do what's right for the both of us. This is right for Devon as much as it is for me._ Though fully aware of this being the right decision, by no means was it any easier to digest.  
  
"Hey." Devon's voice was approaching behind her and she turned slightly as they gave each other a cheek kiss before he sat down across from her.  
  
With him now looking at her with his great big smile he almost always had on his face, she felt the need to rush the topic. Like looking at him being happy, and knowing that she was about to take that away, waiting any longer would be agonizing.  
  
"Wow this is going to be harder than I thought it was going to be." She brushed some of her loose strains of hair behind her ears before placing her hands back on the table.  
  
He reached over and placed a hand on Mariah's that were resting on one another. "It's okay, you know you can talk to me. What's going on?"  
  
"I thought this could wait till after we ordered but looking at you now the guilt is taking away any appetite I had."  
  
With genuine concern in his eyes he asked. "Guilt over what?"  
  
She hesitated with her words before deciding to just rip off the bandaid.  
  
"I invited you to lunch today to break up with you."  
  
Devon removed his hand and sat back in his chair. "Well I can't say I saw that coming."  
  
"If it's any conciliation, I mean any, a few weeks ago I wouldn't have expected to feel this way."  
  
"Weeks?" The hurt in his voice shattered Mariah's heart.  
  
She took a moment to gather her thoughts so that she could find the best words to express what she'd been feeling. "It's been more apparent in the last week or so for me, but I can't say it hasn't been a build up. I thought I could do this, I thought I could keep pretending, but I can't."  
  
"What were you pretending? Your feelings for me?"  
  
"No. I had, and still have some, feelings for you. The fleeting of those feelings, that's what I can't ignore any more."  
  
Devon nodded, not really sure of what to say next.  
  
"I would understand if you were not ready to be friends yet, but I would like to consider us still friends even if we're not together anymore."  
  
He rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm going to need some time."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"But- I would like us to be friends as well." He scooted his chair back to get up. "If there was anything I did wrong, or could've done differently-“  
  
"For once in the history of break ups, believe me when I say it's not you, it's me."  
  
He did a half smile and stood up. "I know you mean that, so thank you for saying it." He looked over to the menu on the wall behind him then back to Mariah. "If you don't mind, I think I'm going to get my lunch to go."  
  
"No by all means. I don't even feel hungry anymore."  
  
Devon turned back around and made his way to the person standing behind the counter.  
  
Mariah dreaded the last few minutes more than anything, but she also felt a huge sense of relief spread throughout her body. She wasn't at all sure what her plan was after breaking up with Devon, but she knew that she had just made the right decision based on her gut finally unwinding all of the knots she had created within the last few days. Now she just had to prepare for what interactions Tessa and her will be having now that her feelings have become more transparent. She was being fair to herself, and she was just fair to Devon. It only made sense to her now that she owed that same respect to Tessa. She didn't want to be the reason Noah and Tessa broke up. Even if the only thing existing between them was a crush and nothing more, she didn't want to play a role in her brother and best friends relationship ending. Mariah felt like if Tessa happen to share the same feelings as her, then the stars would align for something to come of that. Until then, she's not going to pursue anyone who is in an on going relationship. Anything Tessa had to say to her, she was going to be reacting to it through platonic ears.  
  
x  
  
When Mariah got home form work, Tessa wasn't there. She assumed she was working on music or hanging out with Noah somewhere. After showering, making herself some dinner, and finally unpacking her suitcase, she ended up downstairs at the table behind the couch. Writing about how much Devon had helped in ways she couldn't have imagined before he came in to her life. He did make her believe in love again, even though she only loved him and wasn't in love with him. She felt that he deserved a spot of dedication in her journal for being one of her stepping stones to figuring out what she really wants in a partner.  
  
Pausing after writing a paragraph, she looked out the window to watch as rain began to fall onto the pavement outside. It started out slow but within a matter of minutes had turned into a full on thunderstorm. She placed her pen in her journal as a placeholder and closed it. While taking a sip of the herbal tea she had made, she admired the puddles as they formed around the shrubs lining the side of the house.  
  
The front door swung open so fast that it made her jump a little in her chair. A drenched Tessa walked through the doorway, who then closed the door with a thud. In one hand she had an umbrella that had turned inside out. She was shaking it up and down in an effort to have it turn inwards again. With no luck happening and the sound of Mariah now laughing at her actions, she gave up and opened the front door again. She tossed the umbrella onto the front porch and closed the door, not wanting to even look at it anymore.  
  
"Ah yes, why have a coat closet when you can just leave umbrellas on the porch." Mariah hadn't stopped laughing at her, but Tessa was just happy to hear the sound again.  
  
"I mean why is there even a weather channel," Tessa said as she shrugged off her jacket and hung it up in the closet Mariah was referring to, "if they can never predict the weather?"  
  
"You have a point, they're usually wrong."  
  
Tessa walked over to where Mariah was sitting, squeezing the water out of her hair with one of her hands.  
  
Mariah was admiring how Tessa's hair always got a little curlier when any water or humidity hit it. She caught herself before she slipped into too much of a trance.  
  
"May I?" Tessa said as she placed a hand on the back of the chair across from Mariah.  
  
"Oh yeah, have a seat." Mariah moved her journal to the side and dragged a large vase that had flowers in it out of the way so they could see one another.  
  
"Seems like the rain has followed us back to Genoa City." Tessa smiled as she crossed one leg over the other.  
  
"Seems so." Mariah smiled back. "I thought you would've been home by now."  
  
"I hadn't eaten all day and went out to grab a bite real quick." She looked back at the wet footsteps that she had created from the door to the table. "Obviously not quick enough."  
  
Mariah laughed once more and they both felt a little less stressed about talking for the first time since things became weird between them.  
  
Though comforted in her presence once more, Tessa didn't see any reason not to ask some of things that have been bugging her. _You're not going to be avoided anymore on the topic, just ease into it._  
  
"So why did you leave San Fran early? Noah gave me the short version of it, I assume."  
  
Instead of continuing to spread the fake lie about Sharon, she went with something Tessa would soon find out anyway, and was actually the truth.  
  
"Between you and me, it had nothing to do with Sharon. I was planning on breaking up with Devon, and I didn't feel right spending another night with him knowing that my heart wasn't in it. I, of course, couldn't tell him that and then leave, so I said Sharon needed me back here."  
  
Tessa wasn't expecting that answer, but was more surprised by how calm Mariah seemed while saying it. "I don't understand, I mean you guys seemed to be having such a good time this weekend, at least at dinner on Saturday night.." Tessa drifted her gaze to the side remembering what Saturday night probably led to.  
  
"How I acted on Saturday night, and what I was actually feeling were two different things."  
  
Tessa looked up to meet eyes with her again.  
  
"I knew that Devon and I were troubled from the start. He just got out of a serious relationship, I have never really been in one, and we were more so going off of convenience than connection. I never felt like he was fully over Hilary either, and now he can explore that if he wants. While I figure out what I want, and at the very least, I know that's not him."  
  
Tessa observed Mariah for any uncertainty about her decision. "You don't seem too deviated by this, so I guess that means you made the right move."  
  
"It's definitely the right one."  
  
There was a pause and they both knew the topic was about to shift. Mariah wanted to continue doing the right thing, like she had talked about with Kyle. She knew that what she had to say could alter Noah and Tessa's relationship, and that wasn't something she wanted to be apart of. If they were to break up, she wanted it to happen organically.  
  
"We need to have a conversation." Tessa said as she uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair a little. She rested her elbows on her knees and brought her hands together.  
  
Mariah let out a sigh. "I know I should've texted you when I left the city. I was a little out of it once I decided that I was planning on breaking up with Devon. Leaving as soon as possible was the first thing that came to mind so that I wouldn't have to do it on the trip."  
  
"I get that, I really do. It's just that it's unlike you to not talk to me about this sort of thing before you do it. Or before you leave a town you invited me to. At the very least, a call would've been nice so that I knew you made it back here safely."  
  
Mariah set the tea down that she had been holding in both of her hands and got up from her seat. She walked slowly to the couch, figuring out how to word - _I really like you, but I don't want to admit it_ \- without actually saying that.  
  
"Devon wasn't the only one I was avoiding."  
  
Tessa stood up and walked over to where Mariah was standing in front of the couch. "I know you were trying to stay away from me. I'm just trying to understand exactly why that is."  
  
Mariah opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again when she realized she still hadn't found the best words to gloss over the situation.  
  
"Is it because of Friday night?" Tessa kept looking at Mariah in an effort to get her to look back, but she was fixated on a spot on the floor. When Mariah didn't respond she said, "Or because of Thursday night? Maybe a combination of the two? Because that's when all this weird tension started."  
  
"I would say it's been a combination of the last four days." Mariah met eyes with Tessa. "I didn't want you to feel embarrassed about what happened on Thursday night, and I didn't want to lead you on past Friday night, and I thought that if I seemed extra into Devon on Saturday night, maybe this thing would blow over."  
  
"This ‘thing’ being you trying to kiss me on Friday night?" Mariah gulped at the bluntness. "You hardly talking to me since then is your way idea of this blowing over and us getting back to the way we were?”  
  
"I didn't know how to approach the topic, and Friday night wasn't what it seemed, Tessa."  
  
"It wasn't?" Mariah could hear the frustration in Tessa's voice begin to emerge. "Your hand cupping my cheek while leaning into me wasn't you trying to kiss me?"  
  
"I'm not saying those weren't my actions. I'm saying that however you've perceived them isn't the reality of the situation. It was a mixture of being in a different town, drinking wine, and the excitement of the festival."  
  
Tessa closed her eyes for a few seconds and shook her head. "That's not how I remember it."  
  
"Well then we're remembering it differently. This is the perception I was talking about. If there was something I thought we needed to discuss further, I would bring it up."  
  
Tessa looked at her with a genuinely confused look on her face. "I don't understand why you're acting this way, I thought we were on the same page."  
  
"I think we are for the most part, but just not about this one thing. I'm sorry that I haven't been the greatest friend lately when it comes to expressing what's been going on with Devon and I, but what happened between us was a reflection of that. I think my subconscious acted out to give me a reason to get out of my relationship."  
  
"Let me get this straight. You're saying that night you acted out because you weren't sure you wanted to be in your current relationship anymore? Like you wanted to prove to yourself that if you could kiss me then that must mean that you didn't want to be with him?"  
  
"I know, not the healthiest approach, but yeah, that's what I'm saying. I needed something to happen to prove to myself that I didn't want to be with him. If I was able to kiss someone else, then my gut was right about him and I. After we got interrupted, I called for you in the hallway to explain all of this. It had _nothing_ to do with you." Mariah walked back over to the table she was sitting at and picked up her journal so that she wouldn't forget to take it up stairs with her. "Did you think it was more than that?"  
  
Tessa weighed her options when it came to a response. She decided that so long as they were acting like friends again, and Mariah was trying to let this all go, then why stop her. Her plan would stay unscratched, and she'd still have her best friend. Even though it pained her a little to let it go, she decided not to push any further on the matter. "No. I'd say that we're finally on the same page. I just want us to be on good terms again." She walked passed Mariah to make her way up the stairs. Turning back around once more before heading up. "Now don't be such a stranger and text me back."  
  
Mariah smiled and nodded. She watched Tessa disappear up the dimly lit stairwell. Gripping her journal tightly with both of her hands, she waited till she heard Tessa's door close till she slowly made her way up the stairs.  
  
_I would say that was successful for the most part, seeing that I didn't ruin the friendship._ Mariah thought to herself. _As for where that leaves us now, I guess we're suppose to just fall back into the norm. I don't think that'll be too difficult for Tessa, seeing that she's fine with where we left things. As for me, it's going to take a little more effort to forget these feelings I have for her. She clearly isn't in to me, and even if she was, what would I do with that knowledge. Nothing has changed. She would still be dating Noah. I can't believe I ever thought if they broke up we stood a chance. Not only is that so messed up from a sister stand point, but Tessa doesn't even think of me as anything more than her best friend._  
  
Mariah closed the door to her room and placed her journal on the nightstand. As she set the journal down her phone that was also on the nightstand lit up. She picked it up and smiled at the text because it was worded like this past week never happened. Like they were talking normally again.  
  
Tessa Porter: _"I'm performing a new song at The Underground tomorrow night. Eight o'clock. Be there or be lame, the choice is yours!"_  
  
Mariah's thumbs hovered over the screen. _I suppose this would be good for me. The more I go with the flow and hang out with her like I usually would, the more likely I'll get past my not-so-friendly feelings. Immersion therapy.. here we go!_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"You know I'm too cool to be lame. I'll see you then!"_

In the room across the hall, Tessa smiled to herself. Relieved to see that Mariah was still a huge dork.


	9. is that all you're drinking tonight?

Tessa was waiting in her room, pacing back and forth. She was listening to hear when Mariah opened her door so that she could "run into her" in the hallway.  
  
_Obviously the reality of the situation isn't ideal, but that doesn't mean I can't still hope for run-ins with her. We may have decided last night that this whole weekend was just a "misunderstanding," but that doesn't make my feelings for her any less real. Seeing her feels like little victories, and since we never have been more than glances and hugs, I can't let some of my favorite interactions we have dissipate._  
  
_I invited her to The Underground tonight and she said she was going to come. I told her that I had a new song, but the one I've been working on recently isn't ready yet. I'm not even sure I would have the guts to be able to perform that song in front of her, seeing the direction it has taken. It started out rather innocent, and unsuspecting. I can't imagine her hearing the few verses I've pieced together and not be able to figure out who inspired it. So it's going to be the song I wrote down on a napkin at the hotel. This way it's still new to everyone else, and I don't have to spend all day practicing it since I already know it by heart._  
  
_It's just nice to know that she agreed to come, like she would've before all of this. I miss her being around more than anything else. Having her sitting in the audience makes the performing part less nerve racking._  
  
_Now if she would just leave her room so I can make my way over to Devon and we can work on some studio stuff._  
  
x  
  
Mariah was rummaging through her closet taking an extensive amount of time to look at each dress that she came across.  
  
_Why am I so concerned about what I'm going to wear tonight? It's not like we didn't come to an agreement last night that the moment between us was nothing more than a moment. She's not going to care whether you're wearing green or blue, sweatpants or a skirt, heels or sneakers._ Although Mariah thought this, she didn't stop herself from going through her blouses as another option.  
  
_Maybe I should go casual and then it won't seem like I'm trying so hard. It's not like I'm going to look good for a purpose. Tessa will have her eyes on Noah, if anyone. I'll probably sit at a booth while one or two artists perform and then leave. So long as I see Tessa play her song like I promised, I can come back to the house and watch a movie like I had planned to do tonight anyway._  
  
_Ah, screw it._ Mariah thought to herself. _I'm wearing my black leggings. Why not go for comfort since I'll be in and out of there within forty-five minutes, an hour tops._  
  
Mariah finally got on her work day clothes and left her room. The door across the hall swung open and Mariah laughed.  
  
"Wow we've lived together for long enough now that we're on the same schedule."  
  
Tessa laughed too, even though she'd been ready for the last twenty-eight minutes. "Guess so."  
  
Mariah made her way down the hall to get to the stairs and Tessa followed.  
  
"So are you still coming to the show tonight?" Tessa asked as nonchalantly as she could.  
  
"Yeah, wouldn't miss it!"  
  
_How could I? I've been sorting through my clothes all morning like I'm heading to some gala._  
  
They reached the door and Mariah held it open for Tessa to walk through before she locked it. "Do you need a ride to work?"  
  
"Oh no, Noah's coming to pick me up."  
  
"Right, like any other day." Mariah gave Tessa a smile but internally felt off her game. "I'll see you at eight!"  
  
Tessa watched Mariah walk to her car. She appreciated the few minutes they had just had, and felt each second was worth the wait this morning. _God, could you be more pathetic._ She thought to herself. _I get to see her later to, which makes me feel far more excited then I should, but it's like I decided earlier. Seeing her is the only victory I get out of these feelings._  
  
x  
  
Mariah drove off, waving goodbye to Tessa who was still standing on the steps leading up to the house. In those few minutes and up until Mariah's car was out of view, Tessa was looking at Mariah, but Mariah wasn't really looking back. She was of course making eye contact with her, but she wouldn't hold it for long. She was trying not to fall into a trance when looking at Tessa's face, which she had been doing recently. Her trying so hard not to get wrapped up in Tessa's beauty distracted her in another way. Already having a few mishaps happen this morning. She completely forgot the coffee that she always makes and pours into her travel mug. She also forgot to eat breakfast, and check to see if she needed to pick up groceries on her way home from work. Then she asked Tessa if she needed a ride to work which she has never asked her before because Noah _always_ drives her. Or at the very least sends a driver, if he's out of town.  
  
When Mariah got to the parking garage of GC Buzz, she pulled out her journal. _At least I remembered this thing._ She wrote down the conversation they had last night, at least the short version. Touching mostly on how she somehow managed to convince Tessa that Friday night was a misunderstanding. Which mind you, was completely on the fly. Saying that she needed to make herself believe that she didn't want to be with Devon, but didn't know how to express that beyond action, was truly a last minute, genius thought. _I was just going to deny, deny, deny, but that was a great fake excuse._ She then started to write about the morning. To include a dream she had of her and Tessa.  
  
**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**Now's not the time to be forgetful, or anything out of the norm for that matter. If I'm going to convince anyone that it's business as usual with Tessa and I, including myself, I can't seem like I have my head elsewhere. Which it certainly was, because the dream I had last night was an alternate version of the conversation we had in the living room. Last night Tessa looked upset when she said, "That's not how I remember it," after I denied the meaning behind the almost kiss. My dream took on a different form and instead of Tessa shaking her head at me, she made our almost kiss an actual one.**  
  
**Ugh, and it was good.**  
  
**So clearly that's how I wish the conversation had gone, but only a small part of me. The part of me that spoke for me last night, that's the part of me that's looking out for our friendship. That part of me wouldn't let stuff like my dream actually happen, because too much is at risk.**  
  
Mariah heard a tapping sound on her driver side window and saw Hilary standing there looking frantic. Reluctantly, Mariah rolled the window down.  
  
"Yes, Hilary?"  
  
"Would you quit writing in your diary about Devon and come meet me in the office. Our special guest for tomorrow dropped out so now we have a time slot to fill, so let's get moving!"  
  
Mariah looked at the time on her radio. "Work doesn't start for another fifteen minutes." She looked at her journal and then back at Hilary. "Also, Devon and I broke up."  
  
"You - When?"  
  
"Yesterday, actually."  
  
Hilary let out a sigh. "I am sorry to hear that, but I can't say I'm surprised, I thought he would've done it sooner than now."  
  
"For your information, Hilary, I broke up with him."  
  
"Sure you did." She began looking through some of the folders she had in her hands and with out looking back at Mariah she said, "Fifteen minutes and you better be upstairs." She turned on her heel and was headed towards the elevator.  
  
**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**On a final note, have I mentioned how much I despise my boss lately?**  
  
**No?**  
  
**Well I do.**  
  
x  
  
Mariah had dressed for her after performance plans; movie and popcorn. She had decided on tennis shoes and a white v-neck to go with her black leggings. As usual, she showed up a little early so that she could get a good seat, and wouldn't be forced to stand among other people. There were a few open seats when she arrived and she picked the corner spot at the bar that was a few feet from the stage. She got herself a Shirley Temple to start, and asked for extra cherries on the side. When eight o'clock rolled around not too long after, she placed an order for some nachos.  
  
Mariah had been enjoying the performer that had just been playing. It was a woman playing the piano and who she thought sounded a lot like Tessa when she hit her high notes. She wondered if Devon knew about her because a collaboration between Tessa and her would be magical, range wise. The lights brightened as she bowed, and they dimmed once more when Tessa came onto the stage a few minutes later. Mariah's nachos had arrived and she started to eat after Tessa and her exchanged a glance. Tessa looked happy to see her and Mariah gave her a double thumbs up, like saying " _You got this!_ " Even though she had no doubt she would do great, it was something Mariah did before every performance, like a positive reminder.  
  
Tessa began strumming her guitar. Mariah recognized the lyrics from when she read them before giving them back to Tessa, because how could she not. The melody was faster than what Mariah was expecting given the lyrics being bittersweet, but she enjoyed Tessa's rendition none the less. Tessa was only half way through the first of the three songs she was going to sing when Noah came up to Mariah.  
  
"Hey! Tessa said you were coming. Glad you could make it."  
  
"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" Mariah said as she wiped some of the nacho cheese off of her hands with a napkin.  
  
"I wanted to introduce you to Jordan." Noah stepped back and behind him stood the woman who had performed before Tessa. "She's been helping around here so much since we've been understaffed by taking extra shifts, and I wanted to return the favor. I figured I could introduce you two, and you'd consider putting her on the show. You heard for yourself, she can sing. I was hoping my favorite sister in the whole world might do this one thing for me.." Noah batted his eyes at Mariah.  
  
"Well you can certainly sing." Mariah held out her hand and then retracted it seeing that she missed some of the cheese. "Sorry, I don't ever make a good first impression." She continued to wipe off the cheese with her napkin.  
  
Jordan laughed and walked over to the opening doorway in the bar. She opened the wooden gate and grabbed an apron that she began tying around her waist. "I won't hold it against you. A Shirley Temple and nachos is more important than a hand shake from me." They both laughed.  
  
"I can't believe I haven't seen you around here before." Mariah said as she looked at Noah. "How long has it been since I came down here?"  
  
"Last week." He laughed. ''Though Jordan has been getting here early and cleaning, dealing with the morning crowd, and day drinkers. You wouldn't have seen her unless you had come here earlier in the day. She's been working here for about a month but has yet to perform. We had a spot open tonight and I thought it would be perfect for her to fill it after I heard you would be here and could hear her sing."  
  
Mariah looked back at Jordan. "Lucky for you there is an open slot we still haven't filled on GC Buzz tomorrow. I'll have to check with my boss but I'm pretty sure she'll take anyone at this point." Mariah picked up another cherry but paused to eat it when she heard how that may have sounded. "No offense!"  
  
Jordan laughed. "It's fine. I'll take what I can get, and GC Buzz is a platform I'm more than willing to perform on if you guys will have me."  
  
"Well why don't you give me your number and I'll get back to you by the morning. I know it's short notice but the time slot isn't till the evening, and I'll have an answer for you by seven-thirty AM." Mariah opened up the contacts area in her phone.  
  
"Sounds good to me." Jordan took Mariah's phone and began typing in her number.  
  
Noah gave Mariah a half hug before walking around to check on everything.  
  
Tessa had just ended her second song by now and had hardly looked away from Mariah since Jordan started talking to her. She then saw Mariah give the bartender her phone and the woman began to enter what Tessa assumed was her number. _What are they talking about? Who is this girl?_  
  
She began to strum the beginning part of her third song and messed up on one of the chord transitions. Only Mariah, who knew all of Tessa's songs by heart, heard the mistake. Luckily Tessa was able to play it off and the other patrons probably thought it was apart of the melody. Mariah looked at Tessa who had since looked away after messing up because she knew Mariah noticed it.  
  
_That's so unlike Tessa to mess up on a song, especially one she's played a hundred times._  
  
"Here you go." Mariah looked back at Jordan who was handing her phone back to her.   
  
"Is that all you're drinking tonight?" Mariah looked down at her Shirley Temple that had become watery from the ice. She looked hesitant till Jordan said, "Consider your next drink on me since you're looking into that time slot for me to possibly fill on your show."  
  
Mariah pushed the ice around with her straw. "I suppose I should get a glass of wine since you're offering."  
  
"I pegged you for a wine drinker." Mariah blushed when Jordan smiled at her. "Which bottle would you like it to be poured from?" She pointed up to the wine bottles that were being held by a fancy vine like design made out of copper that went all the way around the bar.  
  
Mariah had her usual drink that she got when she went to Noah's bar. Although she wasn't convinced on Jordan's intentions, she hadn't stopped smiling at Mariah, and it just dawned on her that she might be getting hit on. By a women she wouldn't consider to be in her league. Jordan was wearing black jeans and a black short sleeve shirt, both of which that definitely let those looking at her know that she was toned. She was the same height as Mariah, but had long blonde hair that she had draped over one shoulder. She had blue eyes, had a nice tan going for herself, and had tattoos along one of her arms.  
  
Mariah looked down at her clothes momentarily.  
  
_Am I seriously being flirted with right now in this outfit of all outfits?_  
  
Mariah glanced over at Tessa who was almost towards the end of her third song, and who was looking back at her. She suddenly felt worthy of the possible advances.  
  
_I deserve to be flirted with._ Mariah thought to herself. _Even if it's not coming from the person I would prefer it to be coming from. I deserve to still put myself out there, and at the very least get free drinks in the process._  
  
Mariah broke off the eye contact she had with Tessa and looked back to Jordan. "Well since you were able to predict my drink of choice, let's see if you can guess my flavor of choice." She pushed her Shirley Temple glass forward, indicating that she was done with it.  
  
Jordan grabbed the glass. "You're on." She began circling the inside of the bar looking up at all of the wine bottles. "I don't think that you drink white. I'm getting more of a dark red vibe from you."  
  
"Getting warmer." Mariah popped another cherry into her mouth.  
  
Jordan looked at a few before she finally grabbed Mariah's favorite bottle and poured a glass. It was one of the more bitter tasting reds, and Mariah was beyond impressed.  
  
"How did you know?" She took the glass out of Jordan's hand and drank a sip.  
  
"I have a knack for guessing people's drinks." She picked up a rag and used it to clean up some of the water residue that was on the counter before throwing it on top of her shoulder. "I am a bartender after all."  
  
Mariah laughed and took another sip.  
  
_Flirting is my least favorite thing to do, but what do I have to loose?_  
  
"You know," Mariah picked up one of her cherry stems that she had begun to make a tiny pile of, "they say if you can tie one of these into a knot with your tongue, that means you're a good kisser."  
  
"I've heard that before. Are you challenging me to a cherry stem tying contest?"  
  
Mariah nodded and they both took one of the cherry stems and placed it in their mouths. Mariah didn't think about how unattractive it probably looked to move her tongue around inside of her closed mouth from an outside perspective, but Jordan couldn't stop laughing which made her feel more at ease.  
  
They both pulled the stem out of their mouths at the same time. Jordan's unraveled in whatever progress she had achieved in the minute they dedicated to the task.  
  
"Dang it!" She threw the stem into a trash bin that was under the counter. "I swear I'm a good kisser. This game is rigged."  
  
"If it's rigged what does this mean for me?" Mariah held up her stem that was tightly knotted and Jordan observed the stem before Mariah put it back on the pile with the others. She smiled to herself because of her skill level and took another sip of her wine.  
  
"It means you're impressive!" Jordan laughed. "I guess it also means that you're good with your tongue."  
  
Mariah chocked a little on the wine that was currently in her mouth. She tried to recover as Jordan continued to laugh at how she made Mariah blush.  
  
_What's a good response to that?_ Mariah thought to herself as she ran her hand through her hair and pushed it back to give it a messier look.  
  
"I mean, that's what I've been told."  
  
They smiled at each other once more before Jordan was needed across the bar to assist another customer.  
  
Mariah swirled her glass around, watching the wine form a tiny hurricane in her glass. She couldn't stop smiling so she kept her gaze fixed on the liquid in hopes that no one would notice the schoolgirl crush look that was definitely showing on her face.  
  
She was so into the conversation that she was having, she hadn't even noticed that Tessa had stopped singing. Mariah always applauded the loudest out of everyone in the room after Tessa performed. Tessa knew that Mariah wasn't paying attention when she didn't hear her clap, and also because she had been watching Mariah flirt with the bartender during the majority of her last song. Tessa had since left the stage and was standing a few feet behind where Mariah was sitting, pretending to be listening to whatever Noah was saying. She watched as this girl flirted with Mariah, and how Mariah was flirting back. She felt a sense of betrayal, even though Mariah was not hers.  
  
In that moment she wished the song she was working on was done already just so she could go back on stage and prove a point. That if Mariah was going to be into any girl, it was going to be her. Tessa knew it was unfair to feel this way. Immensely unfair because it's not like she was planning on leaving Noah for Mariah. At the same time though - what the heck was Mariah doing?  
  
_Flirting at a bar was so out of character for her. Especially given the timing because I don't fully believe our almost kiss was only to help Mariah 'figure out' what was going on with her and Devon. There was more to that night, and I don't understand how she's moving on so quickly from this. It seemed to me that we both were agreeing to something we didn't even need to say out loud. There's no way this was one sided._  
  
"Hey," Tessa waited for Noah to take a pause from talking, "who's that girl Mariah is talking to?"  
  
Noah looked over to the bar then back at Tessa. "Well if either you or Mariah bothered to check out my lunch special you would know who that is by now, but you're both night owls and wouldn't know the day crew if I put them right in front of your faces."  
  
"She's been working here?" Tessa didn't avert her gaze from the back of Mariah's head and the bartender.  
  
"Yeah for a few months now, her names Jordan." One of Noah's dishwashers began waving for him to come to the kitchen. "Listen babe, you had a great set tonight." Tessa looked at him once again. "I have to go check on something in the back, but let me know when you're ready to head out and I'll take you back to Sharon's place." They kissed and Tessa felt underwhelmed as usual by the contact. Noah made his way to the kitchen and Tessa decided it was time she met this 'Jordan.'  
  
"Hey." Tessa said as she took the seat next to Mariah.  
  
"Hey!" Mariah turned in her chair so that she was facing Tessa more. "You did so good! Except for that one part of the song. What happened up there? I even did the good luck thumbs up which usually leaves you with a perfect performance."  
  
"Oh, you heard that?"  
  
"I know all of your songs like the back of my hand, Tessa, of course I heard it."  
  
"Probably just nerves. What'd you think of my first song?"  
  
Mariah started nodding her head before answering because she definitely missed the majority of it and was trying to think of a generalized answer.  
  
"It was great! Like all of your songs."  
  
"Can I get you something?" Jordan had returned to their side of the bar again.  
  
Mariah was thankful for her interruption because she didn't have to go into detail on what she liked most about a song she had only heard half of.  
  
Tessa met eyes with Jordan and was annoyed off the bat by how stunning she was. "I'm good, thanks."  
  
Jordan turned to Mariah. "How about you?"  
  
Tessa watched the eye flirting that was going on between the two of them and started to feel nausea as a result.  
  
"I probably shouldn't. I was planning on leaving after her performance anyway." Mariah looked at Tessa who she just realized looked uncomfortable.  
  
_She seems off tonight. Maybe it's because I haven't introduced them to one another yet._  
  
"Where are my manners!" Mariah gestured between the two women. "Tessa this is Jordan, Jordan this is Tessa."  
  
"It's nice to meet you." Tessa said it in a way that Mariah could tell that she didn't mean it.  
  
"You too." Jordan said before she looked at Mariah again. "Did you know your friend here is a good kisser."  
  
Mariah tensed up at the thought of whether Tessa would agree with that statement, had they ever gotten to the kissing part of that evening a few nights ago. Tessa on the other hand already assumed that Mariah was, but was more taken over by the thought of how this girl would even know that.  
  
"I did not know." Tessa said as casually as she could. "How do you know that?"  
  
Jordan began wiping off the glasses in front of her with her rag. "Well I haven't confirmed it if that's what you're asking." Jordan and Mariah burst out laughing while Tessa looked confused.  
  
_How does she already have inside jokes with someone she just met?_  
  
Mariah sensed the uneasiness coming from Tessa and wanted her to feel included. "It's this old trick that if you can tie a knot with a cherry stem inside of your mouth, it means you're a good kisser. I was able to do it, unlike someone else." Mariah smiled at Jordan.  
  
"I stand by what I said earlier, this challenge is falsifying my abilities, and proves nothing."  
  
The two of them shared a moment, long enough for Tessa to feel like she didn't want to be witness to this _intense_ flirting anymore.  
  
"So I think I'm gonna get Noah to drop me off at Sharon's." Tessa said as she got up from where she was sitting and pushed the bar stool in. "I'm pretty beat."  
  
Mariah leaned over and picked her purse off the floor. "Let me drive you. I was going to head out soon anyway." She stood up next to Tessa and pushed her seat in as well. She put her hand out to shake Jordan's. "It was very nice meeting you."  
  
"Likewise." Jordan said as she shook Mariah's hand.  
  
Tessa gave Jordan a forced, but unsuspecting smile. _Be nice._ She thought to herself.  
  
Mariah led the way to the door and Tessa followed. Before they went through the doorway Mariah turned to Tessa. "Did you wanna say goodbye to Noah first?"  
  
"We already said goodbye." Tessa lied. She decided she would just text Noah on the way home informing him that she had caught a ride with Mariah.  
  
Mariah nodded and made her way to where she parked her car. The short ride home consisted of them listening to the radio and not saying a whole lot to one another. Mariah was too busy driving and thinking about the great night she wasn't expecting to have, while Tessa was on her phone. She texted Noah like she had planned, and she sent Crystal a text as well asking if she needed anything. Beyond that, Tessa used her phone as a barrier between her and Mariah from starting a conversation. She didn't feel like talking, and it wasn't even an anger that had built up inside of her from the events of that night. It was more of a sadness.  
  
So she decided to do what she always did when she had something to say, but didn't actually want to say it. She opened up the notes section in her phone, turned a little towards the window so Mariah wouldn't be able to see if she looked over, and added a few more lyrics under a tab she titled, "1776."


	10. arsenal of charisma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just inner thoughts of what happened last night. Both Mariah and Tessa's perceptions.

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**I finally have more to tell you then usual. It's not all I hate my boss, who broke up with who, who did what, and my everyday boring life. Last night was.. unexpected.**  
  
**Look, I'm not saying anything will come of it, but it sure did feel nice to be noticed. The bartender at The Underground was definitely flirting with me, I'm 97% sure of it. I even got her number before I left. Even though yes, it was for work purposes, I still got it didn't I?**  
  
**Which reminds me, I have to text Jordan (that's her name) about the time slot. Hilary finally answered me this morning after I texted her last night. Her response, and I quote, "Fine, but she better not suck or else that's on you."**  
  
**A delight as always.**  
  
**Her response also woke me up in the wee hours of the morning. Why Hilary is awake at 3:30 am is beyond me.**  
  
Mariah picked up her phone off the night stand and texted Jordan.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Hey, this is Mariah. Just wanted to let you know that you got the spot to perform later on the show. The time slot for your performance starts at four. You only need to show up thirty minutes before you're expected to be on the air so you can set up your equipment and we can put a mic on you."_  
  
She set her phone back down and continued to write in her journal.  
  
**There was something about the way we were interacting with one another. Not only did she guess my favorite kind of wine, but she didn't make fun of me for still drinking Shirley Temples. Which I sometimes get made fun of every now and then because I'm a grown woman who orders Shirley Temples at bars. She was really nice, too, and I'm not saying all bartenders are assholes, but I've found that the majority just take your order and move on. It's not like I want them to know my life story either. Like in the movies when someone sits at a bar and tells a stranger all of their struggles in life thus far. The fact that she took the time to talk to me though, it really does make the difference. I'm of course bias because we were flirting but still, it's something all bartenders should try. It wasn't just me though, when she was helping customers on the other side of the bar, she would talk to them for a few minutes as well. This is why I think she's a nice person in general, and not just with me. Maybe I'm reading into our interaction and thinking that it meant more to her, but I have this gut feeling about it. She's suppose to be somewhat personable working with the public so directly, but I'm just going to pretend I was the only one she paid so much attention to last night. She was so easy to talk to. Like we had known each other for years and were picking up where we had last stopped. Then there was our eye contact that was being held for far too long on many of the glances that we shared. Also easy on the eyes, which is probably why I kept staring. Oh, and she's sings! I even thought to myself last night that she sounded a lot like Tessa when she hit her high notes.**  
  
Mariah paused her writing.  
  
_Tessa. Wow, I haven't thought about Tessa all morning. Or at all last night when we got back and I was watching my movie and eating popcorn. Could it be that Jordan was sent by the universe to help me get over Tessa?_  
  
She began writing again.  
  
**Even though all of her best traits make her basically the blonde version of Tessa, I think the stars are aligning in a way that I need to be paying attention to. Not that anything will absolutely come of it, but I figure what's the harm in flirting with Jordan since she's a healthy distraction from my heart aching over Tessa. What better distraction than someone who encompasses everything you like in your crush?**  
  
**Speaking of Tessa, she was acting so weird around Jordan.**  
  
**Tessa is typically outgoing when she meets someone new. She once told me that's the best way to make a good first impression. So for her to say 'nice to meet you' in her most unenthusiastic voice was beyond bizarre for her. Not only that, but she kept that tone for the remainder of the conversation. I get how she could've felt left out because Jordan and I were laughing about something she didn't know about, but the weirdness continued after I explained the cherry stem challenge that Jordan failed. There was no beginning and end to it, she didn't like Jordan the minute she met her. It's unlike me to not call somebody out, like in the car ride home, that's when I totally would've asked what's going on. The reasons I didn't were because I was far too distracted by how great last night went. Beyond meeting someone who was enjoyable to talk to, which never happens, I actually had fun. The other reason I didn't bring it up though was because it was Tessa. The friend / crush who I just got back on good terms with. I'm so freaked out that bringing up anything negative right now, to include her not getting along with someone I get along with, is going to tip the scale again. Not that the reason it tipped in the first place was even Tessa's doing, but mine, I'm not risking it. Maybe she was jealous that I was making a new friend when she's my best friend, but still, the reaction was so abnormal. I'll only bring it up if it continues, otherwise knowing Tessa, she'll get over whatever it was soon -**  
  
Mariah's pen stopped producing ink on the page.  
  
_Really?_ She thought to herself as she shook it up and down, like that would somehow move ink that wasn't there to the tip. _I guess that means this is a good stopping point._  
  
Her phone lit up and she glanced at it to see who it was. The screen displayed -  
  
**Jordan**  
_Text Message_  
  
Mariah felt twelve years old by how seeing Jordan's name made her feel.  
  
Jordan: _"Sounds good, I'll see you then! :) "_  
  
Mariah's eyes got wide as she tried to decode what the smiley face was implying.  
  
_Is she being friendly? Maybe that's how she ends all of her texts. Maybe it's a default setting and it automatically sends with each text. Should I send a smiley face back?_  
  
Mariah put her phone down.  
  
_I really need to chill and get some game, fast._  
  
x  
  
Tessa was pacing in her room again, but not because she was waiting for Mariah to leave her room at the same time as she did. Would it be nice to see her, of course. Though the strides she was taking from one side of the room to the other and back again had a different motive. They were full of confusion, annoyance, and bitterness. She kept fiddling with her hands, trying to make sense of last night.   
  
_I should have never invited her to The Underground last night._ Tessa ran her hand through her hair while trying to think of how she can cut herself some slack. _How was I suppose to know that Malibu Barbie, with a bit of an edge, was going to be there. Or that her and Mariah were going to hit it off. The way Mariah was looking at her.._  
  
_I don't know if I can handle seeing her look at someone else like that for a second time. It's not like I can knock Jordan for being proactive when seeing Mariah. She's a beautiful woman. Who once you get to know, find that she's sweet, sarcastic, and brilliant as well. If I was a friend of Mariah's who wasn't also into her, I would be shocked if someone didn't like her. Since I do like her, someone else noticing how great she is feels more like a threat._  
  
_"Did you know your friend here is a good kisser."_ Tessa said it out loud in a mocking tone.  
  
_What's so great about Jordan anyway? She couldn't even tie a knot with a cherry stem._  
  
_I should've intervened right then and there instead of saying I was tired. I had so much energy last night, but had become emotionally drained. So in a way, yeah, I was beat. Defeated. Then when we got back to Sharon's, Mariah watched a movie that she invited me to watch with her but I passed on the offer. I should've watched it and spilt wine again so we could've cleaned up the mess and I could get back to Jordan on whether Mariah was a good kisser._  
  
Tessa's calves began to cramp from how fast and for how long she was pacing back and forth. She sat on her bed and closed her eyes. Each finger gripping the comforter beneath her.  
  
_She's going to get in-between us I can already sense it. She's going to become Mariah's new best friend and then actually get to date her because she's not dating her brother._  
  
_Also, why does she have to be good at singing? As if she didn't have enough ammo in her arsenal of charisma._  
  
_I really hope I'm overthinking this and nothing will come of it. Mariah might not even like Jordan and may have just been flirty last night. Yeah, I'm sure that's why she let Jordan put her number in her phone.._


	11. july 29

"Thank goodness you're back." Hilary grabbed Mariah by the arm and pulled her to the side. "Do you think you took long enough of a lunch break?"  
  
"Well I can leave and come back in an hour if you want." Mariah said as she pointed behind herself while displaying a sarcastic face.  
  
"I don't have time for you and your leisurely lunches today. I barely got any sleep last night, and your act has yet to show up."  
  
Mariah looked at her phone for the time. "She has two hours before she's thirty minutes early. What are you talking about?"  
  
Hilary took Mariah's hand that had her phone in it and looked at the time. "Oh." She turned away from Mariah and began shuffling some papers around on the desk in front of her. "Well make sure she's not late to being early. You think you can handle that?"  
  
Mariah walked around the desk to face her again. "How much sleep did you get last night?"  
  
Hilary smiled with annoyance in her eyes. "Well you know how it is with Devon. He can last all night."  
  
Mariah honestly felt no hostility to the thought of them spending the night together, she even expected it to happen. What did bother her though was how Hilary was using this to get under her skin.   
  
"Wow Hilary, you really waste no time on sloppy seconds."  
  
"Technically he's my sloppy seconds that you tried to get a taste of. I know rejection hurts, Mariah, but don't let it get you down."  
  
Mariah put both of her hands on the desk and leaned forward a little. "How do you know he didn't meet up with you after I turned him down last night?"  
  
Hilary took a moment to consider that being the case, and it showed on her face. "You think you're hilarious don't you."  
  
"Devon clearly thought so." Mariah gave her a smug look.  
  
Hilary rolled her eyes and grunted as she walked away, but not before saying. "All those papers on the desk, consider that you're evening." She pointed to a giant stack of papers on the desk behind Mariah.  
  
_Did she really just give me homework?_ Even so, Mariah smiled to herself at her ability to still out do Hilary's one liners. _I know I should be the bigger person, for the most part, but sometimes she's really asking for it. For that alone, I feel no shame in my comeback game._  
  
x  
  
Jordan ended up showing up exactly when she was told to, despite Hilary's doubt. Choosing to perform in jeans and a t-shirt once again, while playing on her keyboard. Mariah appreciated the grungy, yet modest look she always sported. They talked a little bit before the performance, mostly about where she would be sitting and the angle the camera would be at. Mariah was trying to show off her work life a little by explaining aspects about live television to Jordan. She was trying to come off as a professional and it wasn't because she was at work, because when does Mariah ever take work too seriously. No, she was trying to treat Jordan as any other person taking a tour of the set because she was so nervous. She still wasn't confident in her flirting abilities, or whether Jordan was even into her. So she tried to distract herself in front of this beautiful and kind woman by spouting out information.  
  
Jordan appreciated the tour, and could tell that Mariah was nervous while giving it. She thought it was cute, and kept asking questions since talking too much was something Mariah needed to do at that moment. After she got set up in her corner of the room, Hilary announced her presence and the camera shot shifted to her playing an original song on the piano. Mariah was in awe of how classy she looked while playing. Her presence came off as badass, but moving between notes also showcased an elegance about her. When she finished, Hilary asked her a few personal questions as they usually did for guests, and where those watching could see her perform. She mentioned The Underground as the only place she has played at and said how everyone should stop by for the great food and company. Then the camera light turned red after Mariah sent the audience to a commercial break.  
  
"You did so good!" Mariah gave Jordan a hug.  
  
"I was so scared I was going to mess up." Jordan said as she brushed some hair behind her ear.  
  
"It was flawless." Mariah grinned.  
  
Jordan looked down at the floor nervously. "So my shift ended earlier and I don't have anything going on later. Any chance you would want to hang out later, maybe get some food?"  
  
Mariah looked over at the papers on the desk that Hilary had told her to work on. She knew that she would recent Hilary if they really did take all night because she didn't want to say no to Jordan's proposal.  
  
"My boss gave me some light work to do tonight," Mariah pointed over to the desk, "at least I hope it's light."  
  
"That's a pretty tall pile you got there to consider it light." Jordan laughed.  
  
"I'm trying to be optimistic." She joined her in the laugh.  
  
"Well it wasn't what I had in mind, but I could come over and help you with your pile of papers if you want."  
  
Mariah smiled as she had not thought of that idea. "I'm sure there's stapling involved and highlighting that you could help out with."  
  
"Worse comes to worse I'll just sit on your couch and watch you do all the work." They shared another long, flirty look. "Just text me a time and your address."  
  
Mariah could feel her cheeks getting warmer. "Will do."  
  
Jordan walked back over to the set and started packing up her equipment.  
  
Mariah looked at her phone to see if she had any messages and to stop herself from staring at Jordan while she was still there.  
  
**Noah**  
_Text Message (3)_  
  
She opened up the messages.  
  
Noah Newman: _"What time are you getting here tonight? The earlier the better so you can help with putting up decorations."_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Can you pick up some candles on your way over here?"_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Don't forget your own present! I'm sure you've had your gift planned out for weeks now, but just a reminder to not forget it."_  
  
Mariah looked up at the calendar that was being held up by a few magnets on the fridge in the GC Buzz kitchen area. She scanned it to find the date that her subconscious already knew that it was.  
  
_C r a p._  
  
_It's July 29th._  
  
_It's Tessa's birthday._  
  
Mariah thought about lying to Noah. Saying that she would be there an hour early to help with decorations because of course she was prepared on her end with Tessa's present already wrapped and ready to go. The thought didn't last long because she knew Noah would find out soon enough when she showed up present-less.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I completely forgot that was tonight, Noah. What time and where at?"_  
  
Noah Newman: _"You forgot?? How? It's Tessa's birthday."_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Yes and I feel bad enough for forgetting, can you tell me the details?"_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Eight-thirty at Crimson Lights. Can you still help with decorations?"_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I would but now I have to go get a present."_  
  
Noah Newman: _"You don't even have a present?! You must've known her birthday was coming up, at the very least."_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I have a life outside of Tessa!"_  
  
Mariah felt herself fill up with irritation. Since that was only partly true.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I feel bad enough as it is alright. I have to at least attempt at showing up with a present. Can't you ask Sharon to help?"_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Yeah I'll ask her instead. Good luck on getting the perfect gift in three hours."_  
  
She knew he really meant that. That he hoped that would be enough time.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Thanks, I'll see you there."_  
  
_Three hours minus working on some of the paperwork I have to do will leave me with maybe one hour._ Once Jordan offered to help with the work Mariah had to do that night, Mariah decided she would get most of it done before she came over so that they could hang out some without Hilary's busy work getting in the way. _Now I have to get home and do some paperwork, go and find Tessa a present, get candles for Noah, go to the birthday party, come back home and do more paperwork, and hope that Jordan might still come over. Kind of missing the days when no one wanted to hang out with me._  
  
_What is the universe up to now? First they send me Jordan and then they leave me with piles of papers and presents I have yet to purchase?_  
  
Mariah looked over at Jordan who was wrapping up a cord. She walked over to her and tapped on her shoulder from behind.  
  
Jordan turned around. "Hey."  
  
"My brother just informed me on a birthday party that I forgot about that's happening later tonight. I can still text you after and you could come over then, but it probably won't be till after 9:30-10:00."  
  
"It's no problem. Just text me and if it's not like, midnight, I can still come over for a bit."  
  
"Really?" Mariah sounded pleasantly surprised.  
  
"Yeah, really." Jordan took a tiny step closer to Mariah. "If you haven't gathered, I don't want to pass up an opportunity to hang out with you."  
  
Mariah's face turned bright red as she just nodded. Too afraid to say something wrong.  
  
"Just let me know when you're free." Jordan smiled as she tucked the cord in her back pack before zipping it up.  
  
Mariah nodded some more and slowly backed away before turning around. _How is she so smooth with her words? How am I so not? I probably look so lame in her eyes. At least I have something to look forward to tonight after all this madness is over with. Not referring to Tessa's birthday, just the events leading up to it._  
  
x  
  
Mariah went home after work and did the majority of her "homework," curtesy of Hilary. It was around 8:02 pm when she finished getting dressed in a simple blue dress with black heels. Forgetting to ask Noah the level of causality this birthday was at, she knew it wouldn't matter a whole lot since it was Genoa City. A place where people dress up for a trip to the library when someone not from this town would think they were going to the Ritz.  
  
Mariah only had so much time left and knew that Noah still needed her to get candles. _You know for a Newman you think he could have someone else fetch these for him._ Mariah thought to herself as she entered a grocery store a few blocks from Crimson Lights. She made her way to the baking isle, as that was often where candles could be found. _Maybe I could say I ordered something online and has yet to arrive. Yeah, that's totally believable in this day and age._ She grabbed a pack of multi colored candles and stared at the candles that formed giant numbers. _I think Tessa is the same age as me.._  
  
_I'm truly the worse best friend ever today. To be fair, I don't remember her ever mentioning her age before so who's really to blame here. Still me, but still._ She decided it best not to guess, or to show up with a few numbers to be on the safe side and then Noah scold her some more for not knowing. _Multi color will do just fine._ She made her way to the register but stopped when she passed some of the eye catchers they always placed near the checkouts. The little trinkets that customers purchased but don't really need or will lose in their car on the way home. One of the larger items caught her eye. _Is this lame?_ She thought to herself as picked up one of the items. _I have a feeling she would laugh, but also be thankful._  
  
Mariah picked out the last black one, knowing Tessa prefers the darker shades, and went to the register. After checking out, she walked to her car and opened up the trunk. In the off chance that she did end up finding a present, she threw wrapping paper, tape, and scissors in her car for a quick wrapping job. When she was done wrapping her "present" in the grocery store parking lot, she held it up feeling a little underwhelmed.  
  
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to need to order something for delivery."  
  
She threw the gift in her trunk with the rest of her last minute supplies and made her way over to the coffee shop.  
  



	12. i like talking to her

Mariah was able to make it to Crimson Lights in a matter of minutes and somehow made it there on time. As she walked towards the front door she looked down at her present in her hands. _To think, I was planning on getting Tessa a new microphone stand because hers had broken a few weeks back. She had been borrowing one of The Underground ones when she would perform or practice. That would've been a perfect gift for her, and would have shown that actual thought was put into the present itself._ She opened up a new tab on her phone and typed in "microphone stand express delivery." She clicked the side of her phone which turned it off and decided she could browse that title later.   
  
As she walked through the doors she saw a color theme of navy blue and black encompassing the coffee shop. There were streamers, table covers, napkins, cups, utensils, balloons, and a banner that fittingly read, "Happy Birthday, Tessa!" The room was packed, and everyone was already socializing and enjoying the food and beverages.  
  
Noah walked up to her through the people that filled the room, which was quite a bit.  
  
"Hey." Noah said in a little bit of a shout as he slide past yet another person Mariah had never seen before.  
  
"Hey." Mariah said at the same volume and handed him the multicolored candles. "I didn't know Tessa even knew this many people." She laughed nervously, wondering if she had forgotten yet another aspect of Tessa's life recently.  
  
"Some are friends of a friend, but these are also her regulars for when she performs here and at The Underground."  
  
Mariah observed the faces a little longer and did see some familiar faces from crowds she had been in while listening to Tessa perform.  
  
"It's not only strangers." Noah turned a little and pointed out their friends and family. "Sharon, Kyle, Lola, Abby, Summer, and even Nikki are here. Obviously a few only came because they heard there was party." They both laughed.  
  
"I know I forgot about her birthday because I've been so distracted, but I'm surprised that she didn't even mention it was coming. Like I literally saw her yesterday."  
  
"It's Tessa, should we be surprised? She only likes having everyones attention on her when she's on stage. Honestly she probably didn't bring it up in hopes that everyone would forget."  
  
"Yet you throw this, most likely pass the max occupancy of this room, kind of party? Good luck getting out of this one when she scolds you later for it."  
  
"I wanted her to have the best birthday party. She said she never really got to celebrate them growing up because of her upbringing."   
  
Mariah rubbed the side of his arm. "That's really sweet of you, Noah. I'm sure she'll appreciate the effort then." She knew Tessa was mostly going to despise this kind of party thrown in celebration of her birth, but she also knew it was too late to kick people out. "Where do I put my gift?"  
  
"You found one? I underestimated you." He pointed at one of the booths they were using to hold all of the presents and cards.  
  
She made her way over there and set it down. Her phone vibrated in her purse. The only reason she heard it in this crowd of people was because Mariah had enough pens in her purse to rewrite the Declaration of Independence. They made a clacking sound as they hit the vibrating phone. After she ran out of ink the other day while writing in her journal, she never wanted to not finish her thought again and had multiple ones just in case.  
  
**Jordan**  
_Text Message_  
  
She was about to open it when Noah started waving his hands around and telling everyone to be quiet. "Tessa just texted me saying that she will be here in a few minutes. She thinks we’re having dinner here just the two of us." He started lighting the candles on the cake he had gotten. "When she walks in we're just going to start singing Happy Birthday, I don't want to freak her out by yelling surprise." The room collectively chuckled at the idea of Tessa jumping. "Can someone hit the lights?"  
  
They all remained quiet while Kyle, who was closest to the light switch flipped it, setting the room in complete darkness.  
  
The first door opened and a moment of pause followed before the second door opened. Mariah figured it was because Tessa realized the coffee shop was pitch black. They heard the second door open slowly. Noah stepped out behind one of the figures in the room and started to sing "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you. ... " Everyone joined in, including Mariah. Noah made his way closer to Tessa who hadn't moved since she made that first step, and the light from the flickering candles started to brighten up her face a little more as he got closer. Her dimples could be seen first before the rest of her face followed. She was smiling, but only at Noah because she couldn't really see anyone else.  
  
The group came to a close on their subpar rendition. "Happy Birthday dear Tessa, Happy Birthday to youuuu."  
  
Noah was standing in front of her at this point. She looked up and started tapping her pointer finger on her chin as if really contemplating her wish. Bringing her attention back to the candles, in one swift move she blew them all out.  
  
Mariah was trying to count how many candles Noah had put on the cake before they were blown out but fell short a few before Tessa made her wish. _Well I suppose I may never know her age, but I can conclude with how far I got that she's over 22 years old._  
  
Kyle hit the lights back on and everyone started clapping. Tessa's eyes got big as she finally saw how many people were in the room. She could tell Noah was surrounded by the candle light, but not this surrounded. As she scanned the room she locked eyes with Mariah, who was still standing near the gift booth. They shared a smile before Noah placed a hand on Tessa's back and walked her over to the table he designated to her.  
  
Mariah saw some of the people in the room make their way to the table while other's went back to their conversations. She wanted to be able to say hi and talk to Tessa, especially after seeing all these people here and realizing that time together may be short. As she slid past a few people she was stopped by Devon who stepped in front of her before she made it to the chair next to Tessa.  
  
"Hey." He said it at the same volume Mariah and Noah were talking to each other at earlier.  
  
Mariah looked past him to see that Kyle and Lola had made their way over to Tessa and were sitting across from her. She figured why not get this awkward, first conversation since the break up, out of the way with Devon.  
  
"Hey." She wanted to make sure she sounded as okay as she felt. "Look I know you and Hilary are getting back together, or were together, and I want you to know I'm okay with it."  
  
"Oh she ah, told you about that?" He rubbed the back of his head and looked slightly embarrassed.  
  
"I mean it is Hilary."  
  
They both nodded in knowing what that meant.  
  
"Well I appreciate you saying that, because I do want us to be on good terms with each other and it not be this weird thing when we're in the same room."  
  
Mariah glanced over at Tessa before looking back at Devon. "There is truly no tension. Especially when compared to other encounters I've had with even less history involved."  
  
He smiled at the fact that Mariah was so easy going about everything. "Glad to hear it. Would you want to get lunch sometime soon? Get back to what we had going on before."  
  
Mariah really appreciated having an ex that was so understanding and nice. "I would love to."  
  
They gave each other a hug before Devon made his way over to talk to Noah.  
  
Mariah looked back over at Tessa's table and not only were Kyle and Lola still there, but Nikki was clearly hovering near by in order to talk to her next. _I forgot they worked everything out after Tessa left the main house. If Nikki Newman can sustain a relationship with Tessa then I absolutely can too. At the moment though I'll have to wait, since I don't want to seem like I rushed our conversation just to get out of here sooner._ She sat in the booth next to the gift booth and pulled her phone out of her purse.  
  
**Jordan**  
_Text Message (3)_  
  
_It's so noisy in here I must not have felt the vibration of the other two messages come in._ She opened the messages.  
  
Jordan: _"So for later tonight - should I wear this shirt or this shirt?"_  
  
Mariah clicked on the first image to have it load. It was a picture of a black long sleeve shirt. She clicked on the second image to load and it was also a picture of a black long sleeve shirt. She laughed out loud.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Are these just two different angles of the same shirt?"_  
  
Jordan: _"Of course not! Come on, I really can't decide."_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Well with the first shirt you have long sleeves, which is good because the living room is the coldest room in the house. On the other hand the second shirt also has long sleeves, so you really can't lose either way."_  
  
Jordan: _"Excellent point. What about the colors then? Decide off of those."_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Hmm... Maybe it's the lighting in the room but the second shirt does have more of a pop to it. In a black-that-can-pop kind of way."_  
  
Jordan: _"I thought the same thing! Okay cool, glad we agree."_  
  
Mariah left her messages and opened her camera on her phone. She held it up above her and smiled as the flash went off. If there was anything Mariah was sure of, it's how good she could pull of a dress and heels.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Well this is how I dress when I bring home work to do. With or without company around."_  
  
She attached the picture with her message and sent it.  
  
_Am I, Mariah Copeland, actually flirting successfully right now?_ She would quite literally give herself a pat on the back if there weren't so many people around.  
  
Jordan: _"No one is worthy enough to be in the presence of someone who looks that good in a dress. Especially not me with my 100% cotton shirt."_  
  
Mariah kept her face from expressing her giddiness, but she had no control over the butterflies in her stomach.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I'll change before you come over, don't worry! Wouldn't want you to get distracted from the work we need to do."_  
  
Jordan: _"Okay good, I'm not trying to die tonight."_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"I'll text you when I leave."_  
  
Jordan: _"Sounds like a plan."_  
  
x  
  
Mariah spent the next thirty minutes scrolling online looking for a back up gift for Tessa so she wouldn't forget to do it tomorrow. It seemed like a good time to do it since the only person she came to talk to tonight was Tessa. So until she was able to she was debating between a few of the different microphone stands, until she found one she liked. After putting in her card information, she clicked on the "Done" button. She felt a little better about her lack of effort with the first gift she got Tessa.  
  
She stood up and put her phone back in her purse, but not before looking at the time.  
  
_9:17 pm_  
  
_So long as I get out of here and text Jordan before ten, we can have some time to hang out before it's too late._ Mariah looked over at the table Tessa was sitting at and saw that Abby was just now getting up from a chair, leaving the table empty except for Tessa. She wasted no time walking over there as this was her chance to say Happy Birthday to Tessa.  
Taking the seat next to Tessa, she had a moment of pause after opening her mouth to speak. Forgetting what it was like to be in close quarters with her.  
  
Tessa tilted her head and smiled, waiting for Mariah to say what she was just about to say.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Tessa." She managed to get out.  
  
"You say that like you don't know that you're at my birthday party." She brought her head straight up again and kept smiling.  
  
"Sorry no, it's just that I feel like I haven't seen you in days. You look - " Mariah looked Tessa up and down to admire the simple black dress she had on. It was her face that really caught her off guard though, and she observed it longer than necessary. Tessa had green eye shadow on, which made her eyes look even more emerald, and she had applied her foundation so lightly that her freckles were standing out all along her cheeks and across her nose. "You look radiant."  
  
_It's like I forgot how breath taking she looks when she barely tries._  
  
"Well thank you. You look like a million bucks, as usual." Tessa was definitely trying to continue the long looks they were sharing since Mariah sat down. She felt like it had been days since she had last seen Mariah as well. Beyond looking at her, she missed just being near her.  
  
In that moment, Mariah felt the same butterflies she felt earlier when texting Jordan. _Is it possible to have two crushes at the same time? Why is Tessa looking at me the same way Jordan was looking at me earlier?_ She looked down at the table to break the silent stare that was going on. _I'm not going to let myself think too much into this again. Tessa is exactly where she wants to be, with Noah._  
  
She made eye contact with Tessa again, but with less intensity. "I didn't know you liked navy so much." She raised both of her hands to show that she was referring to the party's color theme.  
  
"I don't." They both laughed realizing how little Noah knew about Tessa's favorite and least favorite colors. "There's so many people here too. You think anyone can tell this is mortifying to me?"  
  
"No I think you're handling it very well. You've been so social since you arrived."  
  
"Well I wasn't given much of a choice seeing that this is my party, and this table was designated for me to sit at and for people to come join me at."  
  
"For being so introverted, you're doing a great job."  
  
"Thanks. I knew you would understand out of everyone." Tessa looked over Mariah's shoulder for a moment at Devon. "How are you doing? I saw you talking to Devon earlier."  
  
"I'm good, yeah, we had a good talk. Going to get lunch together soon and get back to Mariah and Devon, the friends."  
  
"That's awesome. Glad there's no weirdness."  
  
"You and me both."  
  
Mariah's phone vibrated in her purse and she took it out to look at it. The alarm she had set back at the house for 9:25 pm was going off. It was set so that she wouldn't stay too long and would make it back to the house to finish her work and hang out with Jordan. She clicked the snooze button and set it on the table.  
  
"Is it time to apply your face mask?" Tessa grinned and Mariah laughed. Only Tessa knew about her sacred nightly ritual.  
  
"No not yet. This is actually a reminder to go get some work done at home that Hilary gave me the task of doing."  
  
Mariah's phone vibrated again and they both glanced at it since it was facing up on the table.  
  
**Jordan**  
_Text Message_  
  
The smile that Tessa had since Mariah sat down faded slightly. Mariah looked back at Tessa who was looking at her.  
  
"You going to see what it says?"  
  
Mariah shifted in her seat a little, because she remembered how Tessa reacted when she met Jordan. "It's probably just her thanking me about performing earlier on GC Buzz."  
  
"Noah mentioned she was on the show." Tessa looked away. "That must've been why you got her number at the bar the other night. To discuss her performing."  
  
"Yeah that's why." Mariah realized how much sadder Tessa seemed since her phone lit up. "Why else would I have gotten it?"  
  
Tessa met her gaze again. "You guys seemed to have really been hitting it off. I thought you might be interested in seeing her."  
  
Mariah gulped. "Well that's possibly another reason why."  
  
"So you do like her?" Tessa said it in a slightly accusing voice.  
  
"I like talking to her. I know that much."  
  
Tessa just nodded with an expression on her face that Mariah was having trouble reading. _Is Tessa, like, jealous?_  
  
"Who wants to dance?" They both glanced at Noah who had yelled that over the crowd's noise. The folks in the room cheered him on. He and some of the other guys then proceeded to move tables and chairs for the next few minutes to make room.  
  
Mariah picked up her phone to check her messages since Tessa had yet to respond and she was still looking over at Noah.  
  
Jordan: _"I'm officially waiting for your text to tell me to come over. How lame am I?"_  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"No more lame than me. I've been looking forward to texting you that I’m leaving. Which I'm about to do. I heard the word dancing which means it's my cue to go."_  
  
Tessa shifted her gaze from Noah to Mariah who was smiling at her phone. Which made dancing, especially with Noah, the last thing she wanted to do. Mariah looked away from her phone and back to Tessa. Tessa's face holding only transparency. She was sad.  
  
_I'm not even sure why this is bothering her so much, unless she really thinks Jordan is going to replace her spot as my best friend._ "She also offered to help with the work I have yet to finish. I do have a deadline, which is tomorrow morning." Mariah looked at the glass of water that was sitting near Tessa. "May I?" Tessa nodded and pushed the glass towards her. She watched Mariah take a sip. "My throat is starting to hurt from how loud I have had to talk since arriving. Not that I've even talked to many people."  
  
Tessa was of course not even thinking about her own throat that had begun to get soar as well. Or the headache that was forming from the noise level. _So now they're going to be hanging out outside of The Underground. Why wouldn't Mariah have asked me to help her?_  
  
Mariah set the glass back on the table, noticing how Tessa was looking off to the side a little in deep thought. "I would've asked you but it's your birthday and all and I didn't want you to do paperwork after your party."  
  
Tessa looked up at her again. "She's helping you tonight?" She looked up at the clock hanging on the wall above the coffee machines. "It's going to be past 10:00 by the time you get home."  
  
"Well I actually was going to leave sooner, hence the alarm. This way I can get everything done before tomorrow and Jordan and I can hang out some so she didn't drive all that way just to help me staple papers together."  
  
"She's meeting you at Sharon's?" The hurt in Tessa's voice was back and Mariah didn't think that her wording had anything to do with it anymore. _She really doesn't want me around Jordan, no matter how innocent I make our hang out sound._  
  
"Yeah, because that's where all my stuff from work is."  
  
Tessa only blinked at that response.  
  
"I'm sorry, maybe I’m reading you wrong, but do you have an issue with Jordan that I don't know about? Something I might not be aware of?"  
  
"I have no issue with her. How can I? I don't even know her."  
  
"You seemed off when I introduced you two to one another. Then me mentioning her now sort of shifted your mood."  
  
Tessa’s eyes looked to a spot on the floor. "You guys just got really close really fast."  
  
Mariah placed a hand on top of Tessa's knee. She waited for Tessa to look her in the eyes again. "I'm not going to replace you." She brought her hand back and picked up her phone to look at her calendar. "To prove it, lets hang out.." She looked at the next two days. "I'm free tomorrow night and the following night. Just let me know when you can hang out and we can have a girls night. What do you say?"  
  
Tessa knew she couldn't let Jordan just swoop in and take Mariah from her, in any sense. She wasn't going out without a fight. "Let's do it. I'll let you know when the best time for me would be."  
  
Mariah's phone vibrated in her hand and she looked down at it.  
  
**Jordan**  
_Text Message_  
  
She slid open the message.  
  
Jordan: _"I'm sure you're capable of busting out some dance moves. Maybe you just never had the right partner for it."_  
  
Mariah's cheeks blushed slightly and Tessa didn't see any reason to prolong the inevitable of where the night was going. More so, she didn't want to keep seeing Mariah react to every text message that Jordan sent her. "Well you should get going then. Don't want you to miss your deadline." She said it in a friendly way, even though inside it was said sarcastically.  
  
Noah put his hand on Tessa's shoulder and she turned her head to look at him. "Come on babe, people want to start dancing. We have to move your table and chairs out of the way too."  
  
Mariah and Tessa shared another look before they both stood up. "Enjoy the rest of your party. Happy Birthday, Tessa." Mariah reached her arms out to initiate a hug. Tessa took the step needed to receive Mariah's hug that only lasted but a second. Mariah smiled before she turned around and was out the door.  
  
She texted Jordan her address when she got into her car. Letting her know that she was on her way home. 


	13. i'd flirt with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate Tessa after this chapter you guys! Haha. I’m trying to write her sort of like the show did, where there’s a lot of blurry lines. We didn’t know what she was thinking in the show, but had they shown her self reflection more, I think it would’ve been slightly selfish like this. She will have character development don’t worry!

Tessa danced with Noah for about four songs before she said she needed a break. She went into the smaller room that was adjacent to the coffee shop's main room and sat in one of the chairs. Closing her eyes and leaning back into the slight bend her chair back had, she let out a heavy breath. One sigh that had been lingering within her for the last twenty minutes. Since Mariah had left to go back to Sharon's. The company at the party was good and the music was even better, but she didn't care about any of it.  
  
_Mariah should be home by now. Work papers laying around her, warm tea in hand, and the television on for some light background noise. I would usually assume that she would be in her pajamas at this point, but since she has company coming over, I'm going to guess that's not the case._  
  
_Jordan, who has clearly made quite the impression on Mariah already. They've talked like twice in person? Who knows however else more through text, and have known each other for all of ten seconds._  
  
Tessa let out the another long breath and opened her eyes again. She looked around the room to see the tables and chairs they had moved in there so there would be room for dancing. The presents she had completely forgotten about were also moved in the room and stacked on one of the tables. _I mean they are my presents, who's going to get mad if I open one?_ She got up from where she was sitting and walked over to the table with the presents on it. There was only one that she really wanted to open in that moment, but with each one she picked up she didn't see "To: Tessa, From: Mariah" on any of them. Though she did find one that had no writing on it and she set it aside while she looked through the rest. When she didn't see Mariah's name anywhere, she looked back at the one she had separated from the bunch. _Maybe this one is hers.._  
  
The present was about the size of her forearm, and she began to pull at the taped areas to unwrap it.  
  
"Typical Mariah." She said out loud and followed it with a smile.  
  
Mariah had gotten her a black umbrella. For no other reason but because Tessa had thrown hers out the front door that night that it rained. She never went back out to get it and by the morning when she left for work it was gone. Probably from the gusts of wind that was accompanying the rain.  
  
Tessa felt like the gift was sentimental, even though it was a result of Mariah's terrible memory to get one sooner. Despite the truth behind the gift, Tessa didn't care, or had she known, wouldn't have cared. Something so simple made her feel special. Even something as mundane as an umbrella made Tessa realize that it meant that Mariah remembered each moment of that night. The night that Mariah was sitting at the table in the living room and Tessa had just come home after grabbing a bite to eat. Her umbrella had turned inside out and so she thought to hell with it and threw it back outside. The same night they had finally talked about what almost happened in San Francisco. Where Mariah denied the meaning behind it and they agreed to let the weird tension between them finally die out.  
  
_Even if Mariah wants to say San Francisco wasn't about her and I and was actually about her and Devon, I have yet to be convinced. Even with Jordan's presence in her life now, that doesn't take away from what I know she was feeling with me then. Not that this umbrella is her way of referring to what we talked about that night. Though, I like to think that this is her subconscious referring to it._  
  
She peered into the other room through the window squares in the door. Everyone was still dancing just as she had left them. She looked back down at the umbrella in her hands. The feeling of wanting to go back to Sharon's rushed over her. She wanted to see what Mariah and Jordan were doing. If all the work Mariah had to do was already done. If they were upstairs or downstairs.  
  
_Everyone here should at least be tipsy by now. How big of a deal would it be if the birthday girl slipped out of here? I have been here for an hour and a half. That's considerably long enough, right?_  
  
Tessa walked back into the larger room and shuffled though the crowd again, making her way over to where Noah was. He was talking to Sharon who was pointing towards the door. As Tessa got closer she heard Sharon say she was going to call it a night and head back home. She gave Noah a hug and turned to make her way back to the counter when Tessa grabbed her wrist. Tessa leaned in so Sharon could hear her over the music.  
  
"I'm pretty exhausted from all the dancing, do you think I could catch a ride with you?"  
  
"Sure honey. I'm just going to grab my purse behind the counter and we can head out."  
  
Tessa nodded and then turned to Noah who didn't quite catch what she said.  
  
"Did you say you're leaving?" He reached for his keys in his pocket. "I can drive you, I haven't had anything to drink but water."  
  
"No it's fine, you stay and have fun! Besides, Sharon is already heading where I'm going, might as well catch a ride with her."  
  
"Okay, but text me when you guys get there. So I know you made it back safely."  
  
"I will." She gave him a kiss before meeting Sharon at the doorway where they then made their way to the car.  
  
x ** _(This next scene is happening at the same time as the last one)_**  
  
_I got the majority of my paperwork done when I got home from work a few hours ago thanks to my excellent work ethic. That and the speeding that I did on the highway coming home from GC Buzz. With what little work I have left, I'm going to get some done before Jordan gets here. Then hopefully be in a good enough place so that I can say I'm all done and can just hate myself tomorrow for it when I wake up early to actually finish it._  
  
_Now if I could just figure out what to wear with sweatpants. I want it to look like yeah, this is always what I dress like at home, but the cute version of that._  
  
Mariah put her hair in a messy bun and started shifting through her sweaters. She stopped when she came across a dark purple one that she hadn't worn in a while. _This'll do. I won't be too cold and I'll still look appealing._ She slipped it over her head and looked in her body mirror.  
  
_I'd flirt with me._  
  
The doorbell rang throughout the house.  
  
_Well, scratch my entire plan of getting anything done. I guess I'm going to hate myself even more tomorrow, but I much rather get to know Jordan tonight._ Mariah went down the stairs and looked around the living room to make sure she didn't miss anything when she did her five minute clean up when she got home. She pulled up her sleeves till they stopped mid forearm and made her way to the front door. Letting out a nervous breath right before she opened it.  
  
"Hi." They said it at the same time and giggled at their simultaneous greeting.  
  
Mariah looked down at Jordan's hands. "You brought food?"  
  
"I was eating when you texted me. So I brought it with me."  
  
"You could've finished eating!"  
  
"I didn't want to waste our hang out time."  
  
They both looked down at the ground as they blushed.  
  
"You're not the only one. I was planning on finishing my workload in the wee hours of the morning just so all of our time wouldn't be spent on that."  
  
Their eyes met again.  
  
"What'd you have in mind? For what we would be spending our time doing."  
  
Mariah opened her mouth to respond but was only able to shrug.  
  
"Whatever your answer was going to be, I'm sure it wouldn't be too far off from mine." Jordan smiled as she tightened her grip on the brown paper bag that she was holding with both of her hands. "Are you going to invite me in?"  
  
"Oh, oh my god, yes come in." Mariah stepped aside allowing Jordan to walked pass her. As she closed the door she tried to calm her nerves.  
  
_Already distracted by her presence and she hasn't even sat down yet. Come on, Copeland._  
  
Jordan walked around the room. Mostly looking at the faces in the picture frames and the decor. "This place is so elegant. Remind me to never invite you over to my one bedroom apartment." Jordan laughed and Mariah joined. "Who's this woman?" She was pointing at a picture of Mariah and Sharon.  
  
"Oh that's my mom. Sharon. This is her house." Mariah walked over to the couch and turned the television on.  
  
"I'd live with my mom too if she lived here."  
  
Mariah began looking for something they could watch. "Well it wasn't always that way. She only learned of my existence within the past few years. After she thought I was my dead sister, which is my fault because I was pretending to be her. I was kind of spiteful after seeing how she got to grow up in such a nice place with such wonderful people while I, on the other hand, was in a cult for the majority of my life - "  
  
She stopped talking when she felt Jordan sit on the other end of the couch. Jordan was pressing one of her hands against her cheek in shock. "I'm sorry you what? We're in a cult, and that was before you pretended to be your dead sister?"  
  
Mariah smiled, as she knew how crazy her life sounded. "We have a lot to discuss."  
  
"I'll say." Jordan took off her shoes and set them on the floor. She crisscrossed her legs and leaned back into the couches cushions. "So if you were able to pretend to be her that must mean that you two were.. "  
  
"Twins. Yes. No one even knew that Cassie had a twin when we were born, which means no one knew I existed for the longest time."  
  
Jordan opened her bag of food and pulled out a French fry. "This is like something out of a soap opera. I don't think we even need the television when compared to your life story." She began eating her fries and pulled out the other half of the burger she was previously munching on.  
  
Mariah left the television on an old Law & Order episode and turned the volume down so it wouldn't be too distracting from their conversation. She lifted her legs up on the couch as well and pulled them to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees. "What else do you want to know?"  
  
Jordan finished chewing before she responded. "Anything, like, everything!"  
  
Mariah felt spontaneous for once when it came to talking about her past. She was willing to since Jordan found her upbringing cool rather than weird. Which was usually the response she got from other people. She told Jordan the short version of her life story for the next twenty-five minutes. Jordan's eyes were like a deer in the headlights whenever Mariah said something bewildering, and her eyebrows were raised for the majority of the time.  
  
x  
  
Mariah was just getting more in depth about who Alice Johnson was when the lock on the door began to turn. Both her and Jordan looked over to see who was just now getting home. Mariah figured it was Sharon, but was surprised when she saw Tessa follow in right behind her.  
  
_This doesn't look like work to me._ Tessa thought to herself upon seeing the two of them on the couch, with not a piece of paperwork in sight.  
  
"Back so soon from the party?" Mariah made it sound like a question to both of them but was looking at Tessa.  
  
Sharon took off her heels which made her a few inches shorter and look more relieved overall. "You'll realize that as you get older, home sounds like more fun than a party." She looked at Tessa. "No offense."  
  
"Oh no, I agree. Noah threw a great party, but I much rather be here than there." Tessa looked at Jordan momentarily while she said that. No one picked up on her passive aggressiveness except for Mariah, of course.  
  
Sharon walked over to the side of the couch that Jordan was sitting on. "I don't believe we've met." She extended the hand that wasn't holding her shoes. "I'm Sharon, Mariah's mom."  
  
"Mariah told me all about you, it's nice to meet you." Jordan shook her hand.  
  
"Oh she has, has she?" Sharon's eyebrows narrowed as she looked at Mariah.  
  
"Nothing bad." Mariah turned the television off, since they hadn't really been watching it and just became aware that it was still on. "I was just telling her a cliff notes version of my life, so that includes you."  
  
"Which is wild by the way." Jordan laughed.  
  
Tessa grunted to herself and rolled her eyes. "I need to shower after being around all of those people. You guys have a good rest of your night." She had no intention of showering but rather brushing her teeth and heading straight to bed. Reluctantly, she gave a half grin to both Mariah and Jordan before she made her way upstairs. Before she got into her room she texted Noah saying that they got home safely like she said she would.  
  
Downstairs, Sharon said goodnight to the girls and also made her way upstairs.  
  
Jordan glanced at her phone for the time before looking up at Mariah with disappointment on her face. "It's getting pretty late."  
  
Mariah looked at her phone too. "You going to head out?" She placed her phone on the coffee table and picked up the cup of tea she had made.  
  
"Yeah, I probably should since I have a shift at The Underground from early morning to mid-evening." Jordan looked around for somewhere she could dispose of her bag that was once full of food.  
  
Mariah set the tea down after taking a long sip. "Just leave it here, I'll clean up after you leave."  
  
"Oh okay, thanks." They both got up and made their way over to the front door.  
  
While walking Mariah rubbed her hand against the side of her neck. "I'm definitely going to lose my voice tomorrow before the show even starts. Between basically yelling while at the party whenever I talked to someone, and then going on and on about myself since you've been here." They stopped at the front door.  
  
"You didn't have to talk that whole time.." Jordan let her sentence trail off as she took a hold of one of Mariah's hands. "I would've been fine with less talking."  
  
Mariah felt slightly self-conscious about her making the whole night about her. "I should've asked you more about yourself! I'm so sorry."  
  
Jordan looked down at the space between them and took a step closer to Mariah. Seeing that Mariah wasn't picking up on the move she was trying to make, she needed to make another. Her blue eyes met Mariah's green, and the realization hit. Mariah leaned in first, which made Jordan smile before leaning in as well. Their lips met and Mariah placed a hand on Jordan's neck which pulled them even closer together. The kiss lasted a few seconds and when they pulled apart, Mariah blushed within an instant. _Her lips are so soft and she smells so good -_  
  
"Text me." Jordan interrupted Mariah's inner thoughts. She opened the door and squeezed Mariah's hand before she left.  
  
Mariah closed the door the rest of the way and left her hand on the handle for a moment. _Well that was.._  
  
_Worth finishing the rest of my work in the morning._  
  
Mariah went back over to the couch and started straightening up the area. Her mind was in another place as she folded the blanket they had been sharing that was draped over their legs. She placed it back over the back of the couch and put the throw pillows back in their rightful corners. After that, she set her tea mug in the sink and threw Jordan's bag away. As she went up the stairs she was grinning from ear to ear. She didn't even notice Tessa walking out of the bathroom towards her room till she was a few feet away from her as she approached her own room.  
  
Tessa noticed the bounce in Mariah's step before they were standing in front of each of their doors. The school girl crush that Mariah was feeling for Jordan was very apparent, and making Tessa's skin boil.  
  
"How'd your night go?" Tessa asked, part of her wanting to know and part of her not wanting to know.  
  
Mariah leaned her head against the wall and crossed her arms. She looked up towards the ceiling with a stupid look on her face. "I'd say it went better than expected."  
  
Tessa leaned her back against the opposite wall and also crossed her arms. "What were you expecting?"  
  
Mariah met eyes with Tessa again, her smile still beaming. "I don't know. I didn't expect to be so smooth with my words. Or for her to even like me, let alone make a move."  
  
Tessa dug her fingernails into the skin on her arms. "Did you reciprocate that move?"  
  
Mariah stared at Tessa before answering, but not because she was anxious to answer her. It was because of how Tessa worded the question. Like it would be the wrong answer to say yes to. However apprehensive she was to tell her the truth, it was still the truth.   
  
"Yes. I kissed her back."  
  
Tessa's jaw clenched involuntarily. "You guys are moving very fast."  
  
Mariah's grin was fading and she brought her eyebrows together. "Why does the pace we're moving at bother you? I told you that I knew Devon wasn't right for me. All I'm doing is trying to find someone who is."  
  
As a response, Tessa's mouth curved into a smile, trying to seem happy for Mariah. Of course Mariah picked up on Tessa holding back, and then noticed her nails clenching her skin so tightly that the paleness around them was turning a light red color.  
  
"Tessa." Mariah took a step forward and unwrapped Tessa's arms, relieving her skin from the pressure. "What is with you when I talk about Jordan?" Mariah held each of Tessa's hands in her own. "You get all tense and distant and upset. Kind of like how I was whenever Devon mentioned Hilary, and I couldn't understand why at first."  
  
She stopped talking, as she was processing what she was saying as she was saying it. Tessa's face relaxed and she gave the grip Mariah had on her hands a little squeeze. She kept looking from one of Mariah's eyes to the other. Mariah tried to swallow so that she could finish her thought but her mouth became dry.  
  
Tessa knew she couldn't completely given to her feelings for Mariah. More so act on them in any way. At the same time, she rather keep Mariah all to herself than lose her completely to Jordan.  
  
"I'm free tomorrow night, so we can do something then." Tessa said it as if there was no tension floating between them, though they were both fully aware of it. "Noah said the renovation will be done by tomorrow so I'll be out of your hair." She let go of one of Mariah's hands. "Speaking of." Reaching around Mariah's head, she pulled on the hairband that was holding her hair in the messy bun she had put it in earlier. "You know I prefer when your hair is down." She tucked one side of Mariah's lioness mane behind her ear, and let her hand slightly graze Mariah's neck before she retracted it.  
  
Mariah gasped slightly, and her mind was running a mile a minute.  
  
_Wha - What is going on right now?_  
  
"Tessa, I - "  
  
"Is tomorrow night not good for you?" Tessa's eyes glistened in the well lit hallway. Her forest green eyes made Mariah question why she ever hated the idea of being one with nature.  
  
"Tomorrow night is fine." Mariah heard herself speak the words but didn't remember processing them before talking.  
  
_How can being so close to her always pull me right back in? I was doing so good. My progress of not liking my brother's girlfriend was going so well, but I mean, look at her. It's impossible to not be drawn to this face._  
  
_These eyes, those freckles, her lips._  
  
Mariah shifted her gaze from Tessa's eyes to her lips which in turn made the corners of Tessa's mouth turn upwards. Tessa used her free hand to find the doorknob to her room behind her and then let go of Mariah's other hand. Mariah just blinked, but unbeknownst to Tessa, her heart rate was speeding up.  
  
"I look forward to it." Tessa averted her gaze to Mariah's lips momentarily before turning her body into the door as it opened, and then shutting it behind her.  
  
Mariah stood in the hall questioning everything she was so sure of ten minutes ago.  
  
Tessa sat on the end of her bed and let herself collapse into it, letting her arms hang out to the sides as she laid there.  
  
_I'm not even sure where I was going with that._ She thought to herself as she let out a shaky breath. _I hope I have as much self-control as I think I do when it comes to pulling Mariah back into this. Without it actually leading to a "this."_


	14. never know who may be listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for everyone who liked Jordan. This is a Teriah fic before anything else!

**Mariah's Journal ~**  
  
**I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss this. Tessa and I had what I can only refer to as a moment last night where everything around us sort of disappeared. Even after Jordan and I kissed, oh yeah I should've started with that... we kissed. But that moment between Tessa and I... The fact that I opened my journal to write about Tessa I suppose means something in itself. I kissed a gorgeous, hilarious, badass bartender last night and it was wonderful. That happened, and all I can think about was a moment with Tessa. A look shared, one that we have shared many times before. One that I use to not understand the meaning behind. I'm back to where I started but like I just said, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss this. It feels like a tug and pull and then suddenly she lets go of the rope and I fall. We both grab hold of each end of the rope once more and begin the dance all over again.**  
  
**At least I don't feel crazy anymore about what is going on between us. Tessa was flirting with me last night, and I'm sure of it now. All last night as I was tossing and turning trying to fall asleep, I tried to figure out why this is her approach to the situation. I'm not even sure what she feels for me, but its more than a platonic misunderstanding like she had been claiming. Obviously me making a move on her in San Francisco wasn't a wise approach either, but this back and forth that she's doing isn't any better. Worse, even. Because at least with what I did, it was upfront. I'm the one who said to forget about what happened in San Francisco, and I would say that I've done a very good job at doing just that.**  
  
**Tessa can't say the same. She has been nothing but hostile and distant one minute, and then approachable and touchy the next...**  
  
**I would hate to think that Tessa is flirting with me just to keep me away from Jordan. What makes Jordan so different from Devon? I was in a relationship before and it didn't bother her, so why would this one? I guess it could be possible that she's using my feelings for her as a way to keep me all to herself. Even if I never admitted to having any for her, I'm starting to sense that she knows. Why else would she act like she likes me? She's using my feeling for her own personal gain. I really don't know her angle anymore, but I'm going to try and redirect mine because that's all I have control over. I can't like her. It's not right because she's with Noah.**  
  
Mariah put her pen down and unlocked her phone to text Kyle.  
  
Mariah Copland: _"We need to meet up soon because we have some major catching up to do. In the meantime though, I have a question."_  
  
Kyle: _"I can meet for lunch? What's the question?"_  
  
Mariah Copland: _"Awesome. We can do lunch at Crimson. As for my question.. How do you get over someone you really shouldn't be into?"_  
  
Kyle: _"Ah, is this about Tessa?"_  
  
Mariah Copland: _"Just give me advice, Kyle, I'll catch you up later."_  
  
Kyle: _"Fine, fine. This isn't something that I've ever tried but Lola was telling me about it one time when she was trying to let go of one of her more toxic friendships. This girl was always taking advantage of how nice Lola was and never really gave anything in return in the friendship. Anyway, one day she wrote down every bad trait, or thing that bothered her about this friend. She said she would look at it whenever she missed the friendship. Although she wanted to go back to that friend, she knew she couldn't. I know this might not be the same situation, but it's suppose to help with keeping boundaries from what Lola said. It could help you out too with your 'not' Tessa situation."_  
  
Mariah thought about it.  
  
Mariah Copland: _"I guess there's no harm in giving it a try."_  
  
Kyle: _"I'll see you at lunchtime. We can talk more about it then."_  
  
Mariah looked back down at her journal. She flipped to a new page and wrote at the top -  
  
**Tessa's Worse Traits :**  
  
Mariah bit the side of her lip as she tried to think of something she didn't like about Tessa.  
  
She thought for an entire minute.  
  
_You know what, this'll be more of a group effort. Kyle can just help me think of something at lunch._  
  
After she closed her journal she looked at the time on her phone.  
  
_Ugh. I almost forgot. There's still work to be done._  
  
Mariah got ready for the day and left the house sooner than usual so that she could finish all that she had left undone last night.  
  
x  
  
When Tessa woke up it was around eleven o'clock in the morning. She decided to sleep in since Devon wasn't expecting her today and she had nowhere else to be. Well, that's only half true. Today was the day that the renovation at Noah's was going to be complete and she was expected to move back in.  
  
_How weird would it be if I suggested that I keep living here instead..._  
  
It was a fleeting thought, since she knew it wasn't a reality that could actually happen. She pulled out her phone from under her pillow and texted Noah.  
  
Tessa Porter: _"What time would be best for me to bring my things over to your place?"_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Our place** :) "_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Well in about an hour we should be good to go but do you think you could hold out until tonight? I know you're probably dying to see me sooner, but I have a surprise for you for the night."_  
  
Tessa looked up at her ceiling momentarily as she laid in bed. _I'm not sure if Mariah remembers that today was the day I was going to head back to Noah's but I should probably talk to her before I head out.._  
  
Tessa Porter: _"Later is better for me too. That way I can get my things packed without rushing and can thank Mariah and Sharon for giving me a place to stay."_  
  
Noah Newman: _"Okay cool! See you later, I love you <3 "_  
  
She hesitated with trying to choose the right words. She went with the usual lie.   
  
Tessa Porter: _"Love you too."_  
  
She set her phone next to her on top of her comforter. _Why is that getting harder and harder to fake say these days.._  
  
While looking up at the ceiling she thought back to last night.  
  
_Being that close to Mariah again was so fulfilling. I miss that feeling. I miss her. What happened last night between us.. was.. selfish. I know that, and I don't want to manipulate Mariah into having a thing for me for the next forty years while Noah and I live 'slightly' happily ever after. Not that I need to stay with Noah for that long to get a marriage, divorce, and settlement out of him. Mariah would never date me after marrying her brother though. Which is honestly the only 'plan' I've had since I realized I had feelings for her. I'm kidding myself if I ever truly thought we would end up together after everything was said and done. I guess there is still a small part of me hoping that maybe it could still happen.. Which is exactly why Mariah can't be falling in love with random bartenders in case that day ever comes. There's something about Jordan too, that just doesn't sit right. I'm sure no one else has picked up on it yet since the folks in this town don't operate like I do, but I know a sneaky person when I see one. Hell, because I am one myself. When I have to be.._  
  
_How much do we really know about her? Where does she live? When and why did she come to Genoa City? Does she even have a last name?_  
  
_I know I'm one to talk... but at the same time... is there anyone better to look into her than someone like me?_  
  
Tessa pulled her pillow out from under her head and laid it on top of her face pressing her hands into it.  
  
_Ugh_. She let out a grunt and took the pillow off of her head.  
  
_Mariah is already aware of how I feel about Jordan. Keeping them apart is only going to make that more apparent and may even make Mariah want to pull away from me altogether. I need to try and be the bigger person, as much as I don't want to be. I'm going to give Jordan the benefit of the doubt, but only for Mariah's sake. Though, I do sense something in her that I can't explain... and my gut feeling about people is hardly ever wrong._

She looked at the time and realized it was around lunchtime, which means Jordan should be at The Underground by now, if not already working.

 _Since I have no plans for the day... maybe I should pay Jordan a visit... Just to see if her heart is in the right place. So I can let this gut feeling go and conclude that maybe she isn't who I sense she is._  
  
Tessa sat up in bed feeling renewed. If she couldn't be with Mariah, she should at least see if the one other person Mariah is interested in deserves that spot.   
  
x  
  
Mariah had been at the coffee shop for fifteen minutes waiting for Kyle to arrive. She had gotten her usual drink and had taken a seat at one of the booths. Her fingers were uncapping her pen and then recapping it every few minutes. Her journal laid upside down on the table in front of her open on the page she had started earlier, **"Tessa's Worse Traits."** Every time she thought of something to add she soon found reason to justify why it shouldn't be written down. Like the fact that Tessa doesn't fold her laundry, but Mariah realized that tendency isn't a reason to distant herself from Tessa. She thought about the weird laugh Tessa does when she's nervous, and after some thought, Mariah became aware of the fact that she likes that laugh. It helps her know when Tessa needs saving from a conversation and then she can swoop in and save the day. She had just capped it once more when Kyle came to the table and took a seat.  
  
"Sorry I'm a little late, I have less time than I was expecting to have."  
  
Mariah felt bad for taking up what little time left Kyle had for lunch. "Oh well if you rather go grab a bite somewhere real quick we can do this another time."  
  
"I'm not hungry." Kyle looked at Mariah's hands that wouldn't stop twisting the pen in them. "Besides, you clearly need my expertise."  
  
Since there was no time to waste Mariah skipped right to it. "Remember that list you told me to make." Kyle nodded his head. "Well I can't think of anything to add to it." Mariah flipped her journal over again and looked at the mostly blank page.  
  
Kyle looked at the top of the page. "As I suspected, this is about Tessa."  
  
"I know before you said that anyone with eyes could see what was going on between us. Well I just became one of those people and sense that Tessa likes me back. I'm not sure with this clarity that I'm in the right mindset to think of anything negative about her. The fact that a small part of her might want to be with me too, I've only been daydreaming about what that would be like. I even kissed someone else last night, and it's as if it never happened because after that Tessa and I had a moment in the hallway and I got sucked back into her forcefield once again."  
  
"Wait, what exactly happened last night? This may be of use to us."  
  
"I'm not sure I can define it but basically I was going upstairs after Jordan had left, and Tessa was coming down the hall from the bathroom. We talked a bit and I told her that Jordan wasn't going to replace her, best friend wise, because she seemed on edge about Jordan. Then she did this thing with my hair and took it out of it's ponytail and said she liked my hair down - "  
  
Kyle held up his hand indicating that he found what he needed. "Maybe you should write about how she leads you on."  
  
Mariah was going to say that's insane but within seconds thought about all the times that very well could have been the case. In the living room. San Francisco. Upstairs in the hallway. "How did I not see this sooner? That's exactly what she's been doing." A crease formed in her forehead as she felt more and more bothered by that being the case. "Why though? I mean why not break up with Noah? Or tell me that she's only flirting with me for fun? Or I don't know, enjoys hating on people I'm interested in?"  
  
Kyle's expression saddened at seeing how this was all just now hitting Mariah. "That's something you would have to ask her. For now though." He tapped his pointer finger on the page in front of her. "Write it down. Looking at everything you overlooked could help you see her for who she is more clearly. Not that Tessa is all bad, but the way she treats you, only you can figure out if it's something you want to continue or not."  
  
Mariah uncapped her pen again and underlined the title before she started writing a few things that came to mind.  
  
**Tessa's Worse Traits**  
  
**\- Takes advantage of my feelings**  
**\- Unfair to Noah**  
**\- Wishy washy with what she wants**  
**\- Leaves us in a state of uncertainty**  
  
Kyle was reading what Mariah was writing upside down. She looked back up at him. "That's a good start." He said before looking at his watch. "I've got to go, but I think you can handle it from here."  
  
Mariah gave him a reassuring smile, and he squeezed her shoulder before leaving the coffee shop. She took a sip of her drink and looked down at the page.  
  
_How was I so unaware of all of this?_  
  
She wrote one more sentence after rereading the others.  
  
**\- Makes me question my worth**  
  
After placing the long string that she used as a bookmark on top of the page she closed her journal.  
  
She felt disappointed in herself as she placed a hand on top of the journal.  
  
_I can't let this go. I have to confront her about this if we're ever going to stay friends. Obviously I can't word it the way I did just now, but we have to talk about it never the less._  
  
Checking the time Mariah realized that she still had forty-five minutes before she was expected back at the office. Since Kyle had to jet, she figured she could take this time to go see Jordan real quick. She mentioned last night that she'd be working at The Underground during lunch so she figured why not. Gulping down the last bit of her coffee she grabbed her things and made her way over there.  
  
x  
  
When Tessa made it to The Underground, there were only a few people in there eating lunch. She saw Jordan sitting on the stages step with her face in her phone. Her fingers were moving incredibly fast as she typed a text, and Tessa slowly made her way over to her. She was trying to sneak up on her so that she could possibly read some of the messages, but Jordan looked up as she heard Tessa's foot steps come closer and closer.   
  
Jordan's face looked very displeased, and Tessa knew her bringing up Mariah was not going to help. She still needed to know, what she was about and what her intentions were with Mariah. As she was just about to say something she looked at Jordan's backpack that was laying next to her. There were a few wads of cash that were rolled into cylinders and held together with rubber bands. Jordan followed Tessa's gaze and then quickly picked up her backpack to zip it closed. She stood up and threw one strap over her shoulder, she looked even more annoyed.  
  
Tessa looked at the grip Jordan had on the bag before looking her in the eyes again. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."  
  
"I'm sitting here by myself, what would you be interrupting?" Jordan said it stand offish and Tessa realized this was the first time she's ever seen Jordan not overwhelmingly happy.  
  
Tessa squinted her eyes together when she realized that she recognized the tone in Jordan's voice. It's the same one she uses whenever anyone in Genoa City asks her about her past, parts of her past that she can't talk about.  
  
Jordan could see and sense that she was being analyzed. "What is your problem with me?"  
  
"I haven't decided yet." Tessa gave a half smile, indicating that there were so many things she didn't like, that she has yet to choose which one bothers her the most. "I don't really know you and if you're going to be _lurking_ around Mariah, I'd like to know more about you."  
  
Tessa knew her approach had shifted from what she had promised herself to earlier. To be the bigger person and give Jordan a chance for Mariah's happiness. It's just that the energy that Jordan was giving off had become very intense, defensive, and all to familiar to Tessa. The trouble she sensed upon first meeting Jordan was back.  
  
"Please. This isn't some best friend checking on whether I'm treating her well. There is more to this visit. Mariah might not be able to see it, but I see the way you look at her."  
  
Tessa went white in the face and gulped ever so slightly. Trying not to indicate that she was spot on. "Mariah is my friend." She said each word slowly as she was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Jordan.  
  
"Sure she isn't more than that in your eyes?"  
  
"What's that suppose to mean?"  
  
"Do you need me to explain jealousy to you?" Jordan looked around the room to make sure she didn't need to tend to any customers. She let her face ease up on how tense it was getting so that no one would notice their conversation. "Every interaction we've had, you've been less than friendly to me. What am I suppose to think?"  
  
"You can think what you want, but Mariah doesn't really know you. That's why I'm here, and also why I'm not your biggest fan."  
  
"Oh and you think you do know me?"  
  
Tessa looked at Jordan's backpack that was still hanging off of her shoulder. "I'd say I'm starting to get a pretty good idea."  
  
Jordan's expression hardened again, knowing fully well that Tessa knew that money wasn't just her savings or along those lines.  
  
"Well not that it's any of your concern, but Mariah and I got to know each other pretty well the other night." She winked at Tessa and it took everything in Tessa not to show Jordan the Chicago side of her. "I'm assuming she already told you about it though. Why else would you be here all riled up about your _friend_ kissing someone else?"  
  
The emphasis that Jordan put on the word "friend" was more than apparent. Tessa knew that Jordan was beyond aware of how she felt about Mariah and that there was no point in continuing with the charade. She took a small step closer to Jordan and set her jaw, holding their stare off without one blink. "You should keep in mind that anything you do with her, she thought about doing with me first." She looked Jordan up and down. "Heck, she might still be thinking about me, when she's doing anything with you."  
  
Jordan looked unfazed. "Must suck to see her happy with someone else."  
  
Tessa tried not to let her intimidation face falter. "I don't know what you're about, and I really don't give a damn. Just stay away from her if that backpack is holding cash for illegal reasons."  
  
"So long as Mariah wants me around, I'm going to be around." Jordan looked Tessa up and down now. "You're telling me that there isn't something that Mariah doesn't know about you. She knows everything there is to know about you?"  
  
"Of course she does. We're best friends. We tell each other everything."  
  
Jordan scoffed. "I heard you on the phone the other day. Barely thought about it till now. I think I remember you saying something along the lines of.." Jordan rubbed her chin like she really was trying to recall the conversation. "Something about getting the money from your 'boy toy' and then you'll be out of town."  
  
Tessa's face froze. She had performed a set a few weeks ago at The Underground. Not knowing that after her performance while on the phone with Crystal that anyone was standing close enough to hear what she was saying.   
  
"Of course Mariah knows about that. Like I said, we tell each other everything."  
  
Jordan gave Tessa a smug look. "Oh so you won't mind if I bring it up in conversation next time we're hanging out. Since she knows that you're here to get money out of her brother and then leave town. You're _best friend_ is aware of that and is okay with it?"  
  
Tessa chocked on her words as she almost said something then decided against it. Jordan saw her hesitation and laughed.  
  
"I thought as much." She backed away from Tessa. "How about you don't say anything to Mariah about this, and in return I'll pay you the same courtesy about you skipping town."  
  
Tessa just stared back at Jordan with her eyebrows narrowed and her eyes flaming with anger. She didn't want to confirm anything Jordan had just accused her of, so she chose silence as the best response.  
  
"Glad we're on the same page." Jordan walked past Tessa, making sure their arms hit as she did. She turned her head to the side as she walked back over to the bar. "Oh and you might want to be quieter when you take your phone calls from now on. Never know who may be listening."  
  
Tessa squeezed her eyes shut while she was still facing away from Jordan.  
  
_Mariah can't find out about what I've been up to. It would devastate her and she would probably never speak to me again._  
  
Tessa left The Underground to go back to Sharon's house to pack. Noah was expecting her back tonight now that his place was in livable conditions again, and honestly, she needed the space between her and Mariah back. She was going to wait around to thank Mariah and Sharon for their hospitality and then head out. Then spend the rest of the night thinking of a new game plan in case Jordan decides to talk.


	15. microphone stand, i assume

Mariah made her way over to The Underground with the time she had left for lunch. She wasn't very hungry, not that it would matter anyway because she just wanted to see Jordan. Last night with Tessa in the hallway made her feel.. like she was cheating on their budding romance. It's not even as if they're girlfriends yet, but because Mariah is such a loyal person, she felt such guilt. Her body may have been interacting with Jordan last night, but her heart was elsewhere.  
  
As she entered she saw Jordan right away behind the counter talking to a couple she was serving mimosas to. She made her way to the seat she was sitting in the night she had met Jordan. After taking a seat Jordan gave her a quick, big smile while still talking to the couple. Mariah returned the smile, then felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"You haven't come here for my lunch special in like forever and now you're here all of a sudden." Noah gave his sister a hug.  
  
"Well since you pointed that out the other day I wanted to come and show support for your lunch menu and not just your night one."  
  
"Sure it doesn't have anything to do with the bartender that's making eyes at you at this very moment?" He nudged his sisters shoulder and she looked down embarrassed.  
  
"I'm trying to seem cool. Do you think you could beat it?"  
  
Noah put up his hands. "I would hate to kill your chance. Then again if you plan on flirting it would manifest the same results." He laughed at his own joke.  
  
Mariah pushed his chest to make him take a step back. "Not helping with the confidence!"  
  
"My bad." He gave her a wink and walked back towards the kitchen.  
  
Mariah turned to look over at Jordan again who was walking over to her with a drink in her hand. She set it down and slid it in front of Mariah. "I don't want to assume that you're here for me, so I'll just assume that you're a day drinker instead and save the embarrassment."  
  
Mariah looked at the glass which had a light red color in it, accompanied by a cherry and a straw. "If you keep giving me free Shirley Temples you're going to get fired."  
  
Jordan placed a small bowl next to the glass that contained more cherries, just as Mariah had ordered last time. "Not if I'm dating the owners sister."  
  
Mariah took a sip of her drink. "Oh so we're dating now?"  
  
Jordan crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. "We can be anything you want to be."  
  
Mariah couldn't help herself from blushing and Jordan smiled widely because of the effects she had on Mariah.  
  
"No really though, I'm sure you didn't drive all this way just to see me." Jordan stood straight up again and started placing clean wine glasses on the holder above them. "If you're looking for your friend you just missed her."  
  
Mariah blinked. Trying to think of how many friends that could be implying since she didn't consider many to be a friend of hers.  
  
"Tessa.'' Jordan clarified. "She came by earlier."  
  
"Why - was she here to see Noah?" Mariah thought even that was strange because neither of them ever came to The Underground during the day. Not for any particular reason except that they never really had any desire to.  
  
"Not exactly..." Jordan looked off to the side sort of uncomfortably.  
  
The only thing that came to Mariah's mind about her being here to talk to Jordan would be because she didn't like her. _Tessa wouldn't do that.. would she? Again, why though? Why have such a hatred for Jordan in the first place but beyond that confront her about that hatred?_  
  
"What did she say to you?" Mariah's voice became defensive.  
  
"I don't want to get in-between you guys. I shouldn't have even mentioned it." Jordan smiled slyly to herself for a moment when she turned around to get something, then became sad when she turned to face Mariah again.  
  
Mariah shook her head. "You're not getting in-between anything. Tessa brought this onto herself."  
  
"Well she said how I shouldn't be hanging around you. That I should stay away from you. I don't know where it was coming from, she just came here and confronted me about being no good for you. I already sensed that she didn't like me, but I didn't know it was to the extent of her needing to say something to me. Especially before we've even started anything between us."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Jordan. I don't know what has come over her or why she would do that. I'm absolutely going to have a talk with her about it though." Mariah looked down at Jordan's hands that were resting on the counter and took them into her own. "I hope that didn't scare you off from this. From us."  
  
Jordan graciously took Mariah's hands and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Luckily for you it'll take more than that to get rid of me."  
  
Mariah leaned across the counter and Jordan did as well. They kissed, and this time Mariah really gave into the moment. She smiled when Jordan placed a hand on the back of her neck pulling her in even closer. The smile broke up the kiss and Mariah's face turned scarlet. Jordan felt triumphant in her ability to always make Mariah blush like she was twelve years old.  
  
Mariah pulled away to try and salvage what coolness she had left. "Want to redeem yourself?" She slid the bowl of cherries to Jordan's side of the counter.  
  
"You know I would, but if I fail again that would be even more embarrassing and you could then hold it over my head forever." Jordan slid them back to Mariah.  
  
"Fair enough." Mariah got up from her chair and threw her bag over her shoulder. "You never needed to pass the cherry challenge to prove yourself anyway." She flashed Jordan a beaming smile before she turned on her heel and headed towards the door.  
  
Though feeling like their courtship was renewed, Mariah's smile faded on her ride back over to GC Buzz. She thought about the many words that she planned to exchange with Tessa. Unfortunately she had to go back to work for a few hours before that, but maybe with that time she will have thought of the perfect way to phrase what she needed to say. No more beating around the bush and verbally attacking nice people like Jordan.  
  
It wasn't just the topic of Jordan they needed to discuss either, no.  
  
She was going to bring up _everything_ they haven't been saying.  
  
x  
  
Tessa was waiting for Mariah in the living room, duffel bag packed and placed near the door. Noah was coming by to pick her up sometime within the next ten to fifteen minutes and she was just hoping that Mariah would come home before that. Leaving without saying goodbye was nothing new to her, but she had to say something to Mariah before she left. She owed her that much even though she was looking forward to having space between them again. Space she very much needed, if she was going to let Mariah and Jordan be happy. That's not something she could really handle being around, especially knowing if they're downstairs and she's up in her room.  
  
Tessa walked over to the couch and stood behind it for a moment, "Oh hey Mariah." She said to herself out loud in a low voice. "Oh yeah remember that past I never talk about, well it's because it involves using your brother now." She walked to the other side of the couch and stood there. "Also, Jordan, super shady. She's definitely not worth your time." She walked back again. "Oh yes how could I forget, I'm leaving town after all is said and done. Never to be heard from again because I wouldn't want the men coming after me to be able to track me down through anyone here ratting me out."  
  
The door opened and Tessa was still mumbling to herself when Mariah walked through it. She was holding a package and giving Tessa a strange look. Understandably so since she was just talking to herself.  
  
"Hi." Tessa smoothed out the creases in her pants. Mostly just to calm her nerves by finding something for her hands to do. "What's that?" She looked at the package Mariah was holding.  
  
"Microphone stand, I assume. It was just sitting on the porch." Mariah's voice was very monotone, and Tessa couldn't make out what emotion she was emulating. It seemed reserved and upset, but Tessa wouldn't know why that may be unless she had a bad day at work.  
  
"What do you need that for?"  
  
"It's for you, actually. I didn't feel like the umbrella was sufficient enough so I ordered this and gave you that to kind of hold you over."  
  
Tessa was flattered. No one has ever gotten her two gifts before, let alone something as nice as a microphone stand. "I really liked the umbrella too. I thought it was sentimental. For the night my umbrella broke." They stared at one another as they both recalled the conversation that followed that night. The night Mariah said the almost kiss meant nothing.  
  
Mariah didn't let the look last long as she recalled that she was mad at Tessa. "Well I know you needed a new one, so. Same with the microphone stand." Mariah looked down at Tessa's duffel bag that was laying near her by the door. She leaned down and placed the package on top of it. "Almost forgot you're leaving tonight."  
  
"You didn't remember?" Tessa took another step forward as Mariah made her way into the living room, throwing her purse on the coffee table.  
  
Mariah joined Tessa who was standing behind the couch. She let out a heavy sigh and pushed her hair out of her face. "Of course I remembered, Tessa." She paused, which made Tessa feel uneasy. "I only slightly forgot because I've been distracted all day by something Jordan mentioned to me earlier."  
  
_Did she rat me out already?_ Tessa's mind was racing with ways she could explain herself.  
  
Mariah waited to see if Tessa would respond to that and when she just continued to stare with a neutral look on her face Mariah continued. "About you confronting her. About you telling her to stay away from me. Was there a good reason for that?"  
  
_Oh thank god it's only the fact that I don't like her. Nothing I can't talk myself out of._  
  
"I may have jumped the gun on that one. I shouldn't have said anything." Mariah gave a disapproving look. "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe I don't know her as well as I thought I did." Tessa tried to back pedal to stop this from becoming a thing, but knowing Mariah, nothing gets left unresolved.  
  
"You seemed pretty sure earlier. Sure enough to go all the way to The Underground and start a war between my best friend and my _potential_ girlfriend all because of what, a gut feeling? One you haven't even talked to me about yet."  
  
Tessa mentally vomited inside hearing Mariah refer to Jordan as possibly being her girlfriend. "How well do you really know her?"  
  
Mariah just shook her head and looked down, laughing slightly out of annoyance. "I could ask you the same thing, Tessa. We met her on the same night and I've definitely been talking to her more than you have so if anyone knows more about her it would be me. I also know for a fact that I have a good judge of character when it comes to meeting people and knowing whether they're good or bad for me."  
  
Tessa almost used herself as an example as to why that wasn't true but remembered Mariah didn't know the real Tessa either.  
  
"I wanted to get to know the person who was worth leaving my birthday early for to go hangout with." Tessa's voice was breaking up because her eyes started to well up and her throat was becoming dry. "A birthday in which you didn't even remember."  
  
Mariah was taken back by the actuation because she thought that she would be leading this conversation elsewhere, and be the one accusing, not being accused. "I didn't forget your - "  
  
"Noah told me."  
  
Mariah rolled her eyes. _Great, just add him to the list of people I need to talk to._  
  
Before Mariah could defend her poor memory, Tessa kept talking. "You know what I wished for on my birthday in that room full of people? My wish was that you were among those people. Upon walking in I couldn't see hardly anyone, especially not you standing towards the back. I wanted you there more than anyone else, and there was a chance I thought you might not be there because of recent events. So I used my wish on you."  
  
Mariah felt awful knowing that Tessa thought that she wouldn't show up. "Tessa, you know I wouldn't purposely miss your birthday. You're my best - "  
  
"I feel like I'm losing my best friend.” Tessa interrupted. “Which I don't feel like we are anymore, or that it's slipping away."  
  
The honesty in Tessa's voice made Mariah's heart ache. She said it in such a way that Mariah knew she had something to do with why Tessa felt that way. As guilty as she felt for allowing it to come to this, Mariah recognized the feeling all to well, and had also been feeling it. "I feel like I lost my best friend months ago." She responded.  
  
Tessa's forehead furrowed as she felt offended that the blame was being put on her, though unaware of what Mariah was referring to. "What is that suppose to mean?"  
  
Mariah took a tiny step forward as tears filled her eyes. "You know what it means."  
  
Tessa's mouth trembled and she tried to hold back from crying. Which was impossible whenever she saw Mariah crying. "Please don't look at me like that."  
  
One single tear went down Mariah's right check and Tessa watched it like a hawk as it slowly ran over every freckle it encountered. "What's really bothering you, Tessa? That I'm looking at you?" Mariah let her gaze drop to Tessa's lips before looking back into her eyes. "Or how I've been looking at you?"  
  
Recognition dawned on Tessa's face as she realized what Mariah was implying. Not only implying but seemingly ready to talk about. "Last time we brought this up, you didn't want to get into it. You said San Francisco was about you and Devon."  
  
Mariah was done with tip toeing around the topic. Done with the entire conversations they have had through only sharing a look. Done with being a good sister and lying to herself and to Tessa.  
  
"San Francisco was not about anything else other than you and me."  
  
Tessa gulped, trying to come to terms with the fact that they were finally going to talk about what's been going on beneath the surface. That they were finally going to try being honest with each other.  
  
"Are you saying that you tried to kiss me that night because.. " Tessa couldn't say it out loud. Instead she looked back at the tear that had made its way to the end of Mariah's face, hanging on the edge of her chin. She brought her hand up and brushed it away with her thumb before bringing her hand back down to her side.  
  
"Because I wanted to know what it was like to kiss you." Mariah finished the sentence for her.  
  
She wanted nothing more than to take Tessa's hand and place it back on her face so she could lean into it. So she could feel close to Tessa the way they had been that night.  
  
"Then why didn't you talk about it when I asked you about it? Because I tried that night, in this very living room, and you said it was a misunderstanding. Why didn't you just tell me then?"  
  
"I didn't want this to happen." Mariah motioned between the two of them. "The uncertainty of knowing where the truth might leave us. Not knowing where we stood with one another. I was also unaware of whether you felt the same way.. "  
  
Mariah waited for Tessa to say something. She needed to hear her say it so she would stop feeling like she was losing her mind every time she considered it being a possibility. "This is where you swoop in, Tessa, and tell me if I'm wrong. You don't know how many times I've wanted to know what you were thinking. Now that we're here having this conversation, you can just say it. "Was this all in my head?"  
  
Tessa looked at the space between them, which hadn't changed since Mariah last moved closer. Even though it had been a minute, it felt like some gap was closing and Tessa felt drawn to move closer. To be closer with Mariah.. but she stopped herself and looked her in the eyes again.  
  
"I don't want to cheat on Noah."  
  
Mariah was expecting more of a one word answer, but this still answered the question. "Nothing has actually happened between us."  
  
Tessa smiled and shook her head from side to side, realizing that they had different perceptions of what has happened. Still trying to hold back tears and failing with each one that trickled down her face. "Hasn't it though?"  
  
Mariah studied Tessa's facial expression and came to the conclusion that she was referring to the emotional side of their relationship.  
  
Tessa took one of Mariah's hands into her own. "I don't want to lose our friendship." She squeezed the hand she was holding. "I can't lose you."  
  
True sadness clouded all the features on Mariah's face. Her eyes blazed with fear and sorrow at the same time. While her eyelids dropped down to the hand that was holding onto Tessa's, she sniffled. As her lips trembled she desperately wanted to find words better than the ones she was thinking. Nothing came to mind and so she had to say them.  
  
"What is even left of this friendship? You say you don't want to lose the friendship." Mariah was still fixated on their hands. "What is there to lose that hasn't already been lost if we're fighting what we're feeling?"  
  
"What - " Tessa's mouth was quivering so much that words were only coming out after every short breath she took. "What are.. we.. if we’re.. not.. friends?"  
  
Mariah let go of Tessa's hand and looked past her momentarily as she tried to compose herself before looking into Tessa's eyes again. "You know we can't ever be - " She let the sentence trail off into the silence, where the ending didn't need to be said to be known. " - and if we can't be that, and we have this tension between us. What other options are there?"  
  
"We.. we can get past this, Mariah." Tessa used both of her hands to wipe off the liquid gathering beneath her eyes. "It's not any different from any other crush we've ever had."  
  
Mariah wanted to argue that it was, but she didn't want to get too into the feelings she had for Tessa. Even if they did prove her point as to why they can't be friends. So she phrased it another way.  
  
"If this were a simple fix, Tessa, we wouldn't both be crying right now. We wouldn't be feeling such devastation about the idea of never knowing what being with one another would actually be like." Mariah placed her arm across her stomach to emphasis her words but to also hold herself together in that moment. "It wouldn't hurt this bad if we were simple, Tessa."  
  
They both stood still as they heard the sound of a car honking in the drive way. Their eyes were trying to figure out what the other one was thinking before talking, but Tessa gave in first. "That's probably Noah." She waited to see if Mariah would object to her moving back in with Noah after the conversation they just had. Or say everything she just said wasn't how she wanted things to be. She waited, and was given nothing in return. She used the collar of her shirt to get rid of the rest of the residue beneath her eyes so Noah wouldn't suspect anything. "I suppose it's a good thing I'm leaving tonight then. Since this isn't simple."  
  
Mariah closed her eyes when Tessa walked past her as she made her way to the door. After hearing it open she turned around as Tessa picked up her duffel bag and the package off the floor. "Could you thank Sharon for me for giving me a place to stay? I don't want to keep Noah waiting."  
  
Mariah nodded.  
  
Tessa stood there briefly and observed the look on Mariah's face. Given how the talk went, she suddenly became overwhelmed by the thought of not knowing when she was going to see Mariah again. She didn't want to stop looking at her, but she knew she had to go. She slowly walked out the door and once it was shut Mariah pressed one hand to her mouth, trying not let her tears turn into whimpers, or yells. Making her way over to the other side of the couch, she sat down and pulled a pillow into her embarrass. Her nails dug into the fabric and her breathing became frantic. Her chest was heaving up and down as she tried to catch her breath. The cries turned into muffled screams when she pressed the pillow into her face. This only lasted for a few minutes because she remembered that Sharon was going to come home soon and then find her this way and she would have to explain what happened. After pulling herself off the couch, she finally made her way up to her room. She dragged the comforter off her bed and wrapped herself within it. Then she laid down on the floor and curled up into a ball. The shallow breaths and cries continued until she fell asleep half an hour later. Only falling asleep so early because she had physically drained herself from all the crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you guys to vote in the comments for an event that happens in the next chapter by choosing from either A, B, or C to be added to it. You will be deciding the fate of a character, but you won't know which character you're affecting! 
> 
> Choose one of the following: 
> 
> A. Someone reads one of Mariah's journal entries  
> B. Someone makes a big gesture  
> C. Someone is incredibly drunk and says something they shouldn't


	16. i thought you didn't like licorice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like to add story lines from the show from time to time. Fiction mixing with fiction is my favorite kind of writing. This chapter will include Sharon’s “I’m fine party.” 
> 
> Oh and -
> 
> (A. Someone reads one of Mariah's journal entries) - won in the comments!

The next morning Mariah felt an extreme kind of exhaustion as she rolled over in bed, facing away from the light beaming through her bedroom window as if it were summoning her to participate in the day. Thanks to her work schedule, even though it was Friday, she was given a long weekend. As was Hilary. Something about maintenance that was happening on the set. Mariah didn't even question it, she just took her time off as it was given.  
  
_I can't believe last night even happened.. I can't believe we finally talked about the unspeakable._ Still baffled and confused, Mariah felt unsettled with how their talk had ended. _There was a lot more crying involved than I was expecting when I use to imagine this moment between us. I thought the reality of us only being able to be friends would be sad, but not this kind of sad. Not the kind that sticks with you hours later and keeps you up all night. It only goes to show that I may feel more for Tessa than even I was aware of._ Mariah was taken away from her inner thought when she heard a knock on her door.  
  
Carrying a cup of cocoa, Sharon leaned into the door, barely cracking it open.  
  
The aroma of the chocolaty drink traveled over to Mariah's bed. "You haven't brought cocoa to my room in years." She said as she sat up in bed.  
  
"I heard you crying last night." The gesture brought Mariah back to all the other times since she moved in that Sharon had done this for her. Usually after she had a nightmare in the middle of the night about events that have happened in the past. "By the time I got back after whipping up a cup, the cries had died down so I figured you had fallen asleep and didn't want to wake you." Opening the door the rest of the way, she went to sit at the end of Mariah's bed. "I sense you might still want this given the bags under your eyes." The corner of her mouth quirked up into a sympathetic smile as it always did when she wanted to be there for Mariah, even when she didn't know what she was there for.  
  
Never in her life had Mariah talked to a parental figure about her love life. Never in life though had Mariah considered herself to be in love. Until recently..  
  
"Thank you." She took the cup out of Sharon's hands and took a long first sip. "I don't know if I'm ready to talk about this yet. Not just with you, but with anyone."  
  
Despite her disappointment, Sharon nodded. "As your mother, hearing you crying like that.. It pains me to think I can't solve whatever is going on with you. I'm always one floor away if you want to talk about it."  
  
The second sip was longer than the first before she placed the cup on her nightstand. Turmoil swirled within her as she met her mother's gaze again. "I do have one question."  
  
Sharon would take what she could get. "Go for it!"  
  
Pushing aside her fear of even bringing this up, curiosity simmered to the top. "How do you know when you're in love?"  
  
Seconds ticked by and Mariah raised a brow as Sharon continued to stare at her with uncertainty in her eyes.  
  
"Sharon?"  
  
Skeptical of the possibility, she asked anyway. "Is this about Jordan?"  
  
"Wha - no! This isn't about Jordan."  
  
The corners of her eyelids crinkled as she became more puzzled. "This isn't about Jordan yet you're dating Jordan..."  
  
"We're not dating.. per say.. if you could just answer the question!"  
  
"Alright alight!" Sharon took her daughters hands into her own. "You asked me the one question in the world that I can't really answer."  
  
Mariah squinted her eyes now. "What do you mean? You've been in love before."  
  
"Yes." Fighting her smile, Sharon looked down at her hands as she thought back to the feeling. "There is no answer to what defines love. Everyone experiences it differently, and there are different variations of it. There are people in our lives that we love more than others, but that's easier to sort through. Being in love though.. it's a whole other sensation." She looked back up at Mariah. "When you know, you'll know. It just hits you one day, and every crush or relationship before that day falls short."  
  
The answer had left Mariah blinking as she tried to decipher all of that.   
  
Wary of what she saw in her daughters face, Sharon tried to help her understand if this might apply to her current state. "If you were crying about someone else last night.. the way I could hear it from a whole floor away.. I would say it has something to do with love."  
  
Helpless to stop the emotion, tears shimmered in Mariah's eyes.  
  
Sharon went on. "I don't know if you're in love, but I think love is involved. One of those variations I was talking about." She wiped away a tear going down Mariah's cheek. "You still being able to cry about it tells me it may be even more serious than you've realized."  
  
Mariah's face was becoming flushed again, as it had been last night. To lighten the mood, seeing that Mariah had nothing more to say after getting an answer, Sharon switched the conversation to herself.  
  
"I'm throwing a party today. You're more than welcome to come."  
  
No matter what she did, Mariah figured today was going to suck anyway given her mood. She looked over her shoulder at the time that was displayed on her digital clock. _11:32 AM._  
  
_I almost slept till noon?!_ The thought didn't last for too long, as Mariah realized she didn't have anything to do anyway.  
  
"Yeah I'll come. What time is it at?"  
  
"One o'clock."  
  
"What kind of party is at one in the afternoon?"  
  
"The "I'm fine" kind!"  
  
Free from her emotional confines after that comment, Mariah chuckled a little.  
  
The half-laugh took Sharon by surprise. "What? I am fine. I don't need Nick, or any man."  
  
_I hear that._ Mariah thought to herself.  
  
"Are you sure this is the way you want to go about it? By proving to whoever you invited that you're fine?"  
  
"Yes I'm sure because it will get back to him that I'm fine and then he'll know I don't need him to be fine."  
  
"Okay." Mariah said slowly, "I'll be there then, supporting you and you being fine."  
  
"You will be fine too. I know you're not fine now, but you will be. Heck, maybe this party will even help you get there." She gave Mariah's hands a quick squeeze before getting off her bed and walking towards the door. "One o'clock!" She reminded her before closing the door behind her.  
  
Comfortable in her pajamas, Mariah almost regretted her decision. Trying to smooth out the creases in her comforter, her pity party came to an end with one singular thought. _Tessa. She's probably doing something today as if last night never happened. I'll be damned if she thinks I'm just going to sulk around all day._  
  
Mariah threw the covers off her legs and hopped out of bed. She sprang into action as she tried to find a cute dress to wear in her closet.  
  
_Just like with Nick, the news will spread to Tessa that I'm fine too._  
  
x  
  
The first order of business was to look impeccable for pictures that might be taken at the party. _Who puts in all this effort when you're not fine?_ Mariah thought to herself as she turned to look at her white dress from every angle in the downstairs bathroom mirror. _Okay well basically our whole generation is built on the social construct of seeming better off than you actually are, but I digress. Look impeccable, check. Have an excuse to leave.._ She opened up her phone and texted Kyle to call her in exactly thirty minutes. _Check._  
  
It was 1:15 when Mariah opened the bathroom door, after touching up her make up and making sure she heard a few people arrive before _arriving_ her self.  
  
Before she could move after opening the door, peering into the living room she saw not only Summer and Hilary there, but that Tessa was walking through the front door.  
  
_There goes my plan of avoiding her for the next 15 years._  
  
She made a bee line straight for Sharon, who was closing the door behind Tessa after letting her in.  
  
Mariah could hear the conversation as she got closer.  
  
"How was moving back in with Noah last night?"  
  
"It went well, he made me dinner and - "  
  
Through her peripheral vision, Mariah could feel Tessa looking at her as she approached them. Which made Tessa stop talking as Mariah looked stunning. Mariah kept her gaze on Sharon as she grabbed her arm and spoke through clenched teeth. "A word?"  
  
"I'm sorry." Sharon said to Tessa as Mariah pulled her into a back corner of the room. A room that not only had two of Mariah's nemesis in, but her crush, love, whatever it was, as well. Phyllis, Chelsea, and Abby were also in attendance and Mariah was beginning to wonder if her and her mom should move because who left in this town was either of their friends.   
  
"Why would you invite Tessa here?" Mariah let go of Sharon's arm.  
  
"Besides the fact that she's dating your brother and has become one of your closest friends, oh I don't know." She sarcastically held up her hands like she really didn't know. "It seemed like two perfectly good reasons, neither of which that would warrant this sort of reaction out of you." Looking her daughter up and down and finally taking in her outfit. "It's not like I invited Jordan, who I'm assuming is the reason why you were crying last night. Even if you won't admit it. Then this morning you want nothing to do with the day. Then you get ready as if you've been invited to the Met Ball. Now you're upset I invited your best friend. I don't know what's gotten into you to cause this behavior but if you would just talk to me -"  
  
"No. You're right, I'm freaking out over nothing. Let's just forget it." She couldn't even say the truth out loud to Sharon, let alone would she want to in this setting.  
  
Mariah walked over to the coffee table where Sharon had laid out an assortment of snacks and pulled a straw of licorice off one of the plates. She hated licorice, but that's exactly why she wanted it. Since Kyle hadn't texted her back, she didn't know if she was going to need a plan B for getting out of this thing (becoming nausea). Which by the company she now shared, an escape plan became more and more of a necessity. She leaned against the fireplace and took a small bite off the straw. _As awful as I remember it to be._ She texted Kyle.  
  
Mariah Copeland: _"Now an emergency. Not the hospital kind, but close to it if I'm here for the next hour."_  
  
"So are you not talking to me anymore?"  
  
Hearing Tessa speak to her made heat creep up the back of her neck.  
  
Shutting out the voice of reason, she answered honestly. All while still looking at her phone. "I don't know how to talk to you."  
  
The color was slowly draining out of Tessa's face as she realized that Mariah meant what she said last night, that they couldn't just be friends.  
  
"I don't understand. Why can't we just talk to one another like we would have before all of this?"  
  
Mariah pressed her lips together to keep herself from going into a full on monologue like she had last night. Mostly because they were in a room with others, but also because she thought she made her point last night. Tilting her head to one side and crossing her arms in front of her, she finally turned to face Tessa. "What about last night wasn't clear to you, Tessa? We decided - " She paused her sentence when Hilary walked past them, clearly trying to ease drop but Mariah just gave her a half-smile indicating that she wasn't going to keep talking till she fully past them. When she did Mariah fixed her eyes on Tessa again. "We decided that this is how it has to be."  
  
Disappoint churned in Tessa's stomach. "No, you decided that all on your own. I never wanted this." As she motioned between them she looked down at what was in one of Mariah's hands which made her change her train of thought completely. "I - I thought you didn't like licorice?"  
  
Mariah flashed a smile. One that she knew would bother Tessa because it made her look smug. "Well sometimes people say something just so it seems like a similarity is shared. When actuality, they have nothing in common." She bit off another bite, chewed it a little, and swallowed it. "But I don't have to do that anymore, do I?"  
  
Trembling with annoyance, Tessa rolled her eyes as Mariah walked past her to go stand next to her mother who was talking to Phyllis by the coat closet.  
  
Phyllis's voice got louder as Mariah got closer. "Why would you invite a group full of women who can't stand to be around one another to a party?"  
  
Everyone in the room turned to listen.  
  
"Believe it or not Phyllis, this isn't about you." Sharon tried to keep her voice sounding friendly.  
  
"Then is it about all of us? Are we trying to resolve everything in one evening?" Abby chimed in.  
  
"Well that's not going to happen. I refuse to forgive those who've wronged me just because I'm stuck in a room with them." Chelsea said as she looked at everyone she felt that applied to before taking a sip of her wine.  
  
Tessa pointed around the room at no one in particular, but was referring to everyone. "This clearly runs deep. So how are you suppose to get past it if one of you is still avoiding the conversation to do so?"  
  
"Because sometimes there is no getting past "it." Mariah said while looking down at her phone so she didn't have to look at Tessa.  
  
Sharon's eyebrows drew together at Mariah's response to Tessa as it was out of character and further made her believe she was unaware of something that happened between them.   
  
"Look, I'm not opposed to trying." Hilary said as she leaned forward on the couch to take one of the cupcakes that were available on the coffee table. "I'll talk to anyone who feels like we have something to resolve." She gave Mariah a once-over before taking a bite of her cupcake. To which prompted Mariah to crinkle her nose at her.  
  
Abby looked at everyone, seeing if anyone else was going to take the next leap of faith. "I'm in too." She sat next to Hilary on the couch who nodded in approval at her maturity.  
  
"Mom?" Summer asked Phyllis to see if she would also be willing to try.  
  
"Sure, why not? I can't be the only one who doesn't want to participate so you guys can hold it over me later."  
  
Chelsea sighed loudly, because that meant she would have to try too.  
  
The corner of Summer's mouth twitched cause she knew that meant she had to stay as well. "Fine. Come on Mariah." She motioned for Mariah to follow her over to the table near the windows in the back of the living room where they could talk.  
  
Mariah didn't like being summoned by Summer, but she rather talk to her than get stuck with Tessa, so she followed and took a seat.  
  
Sharon observed everyone in the room. "This wasn't even about breaking bread, but sure, why not? So long as someone tells Nick I'm doing fine."  
  
"Oh dear God." Phyllis sneered. "That's what this is about?"  
  
"Come on Phillis." Sharon pressed her hand against her back to motion her to the kitchen. "I think we should kick this thing off by talking to one another first." They left the room and everyone paired up with Abby and Chelsea talking and Hilary looking over her shoulder at Tessa, signaling that they were left to pair up with one another.  
  
"I'll be back in five minutes. I need to pee." Tessa looked over at Mariah who looked beyond bored with whatever Summer was saying to her. She knew there was a bathroom downstairs, but she didn't actually need to go. Under the circumstances of everyone being trapped downstairs at the moment, Tessa felt this was the only chance she may ever get to get inside of Mariah's head. More specifically, her journal.  
  
After reaching Mariah's room, she waited to make sure she didn't hear anyone follow her before she went inside. There was silence, so she started looking around. Her nightstand, under her pillow, and beneath her bed were all dead ends. Tessa peered around the room trying to channel where Mariah would hide something. _The closet. No pun intended about Mariah hiding her sexuality, it's just a spot where a lot of people place stuff they don't want out in the open._  
  
Holding her breath, she opened the closet doors. There it sat on the top shelf that went all the way across the width of the closet. Tessa grabbed it and looked at the spot where the bookmark was indicating Mariah's last entry. _I don't have time to read the whole thing, and I don't want to. Present day Mariah is what I'm dealing with right now, and that's who I want to know the thoughts of._ She figured reading a page or two would catch her up on where Mariah's head was really at. _No way she's sold on the idea of us not being friends._ _I know this isn't her talking but rather the side of her that wants to keep the peace with her brother._  
  
Still filled with a little bit of fear that she might be wrong, she ran her finger along the two pages the bookmark was laying between, opening the journal as a result. The date and time at the top of the page let her know that Mariah's last entry was yesterday around lunch. _Before we talked.. I wonder._ Tessa read to herself what was written beneath it.  
  
_**Tessa's Worse Traits**_  
  
_**\- Takes advantage of my feelings**_  
_**\- Unfair to Noah**_  
_**\- Wishy washy with what she wants**_  
_**\- Leaves us in a state of uncertainty**_  
_**\- Makes me question my worth**_  
  
She felt unsteady on her feet all of a sudden, knowing that Mariah had written this. That she had thought this about Tessa. _There's no way she wrote this... but it's in her hand writing._ Like a fool, she reread the last sentence. The one that bothered her the most.  
  
" **\- Makes me question my worth** " She quietly read out loud to herself.

_Do I make her feel... worthless?_

The thought overwhelmed her as that was never her intention. Pressing a hand to her chest, while her eyes flooded with tears, she shut the journal and threw it back on the shelf where she had found it. She kept wiping under her eyes so that no one would be able to tell that she was crying as she made her way down the stairs. Not even making eye contact with anyone, including Hilary when she sat in the armchair that was adjacent from the couch where she was sitting.  
  
"Could you drive me home?" She said as she kept her gaze fixed on the floor in front of them. Knowing that it wasn't ideal to ask Hilary, whom she has had beef in the past with just for sticking up for Mariah.  
  
Still, Hilary could tell with one look at Tessa that whatever was going on with her was worth not questioning. The relief in her tone put Tessa slightly at ease, as Hilary deep, deep down, would help anyone in need. "Sure. Let me get my coat and purse and we can go."  
  
"Thank you." They stood up and Tessa cracked her knuckles nervously as she followed Hilary to the closet, and then to the door. A habit she never did kick that helped relax her when she felt upset.  
  
"Hey. We all agreed to stay here." Summer said out loud so that everyone in the living room heard, leaving Phyllis and Sharon unaware since they were still in the kitchen. Mariah turned around in her chair only now realizing Tessa was back in the room and now trying to leave the house all together. Tessa was facing the door on purpose, so that Mariah couldn't see her face.  
  
Regardless of the people present that were all looking at them now, Tessa wasn't going to say anything. Luckily, she had Hilary.  
  
"Well our healing is between us, and we decided that we need a different setting to do it in." Hilary said with snark in her voice since it was Summer who was questioning her. Someone she didn't really care for in general. She opened the front door and her in Tessa were out in two heartbeats.  
  
Mariah just stared at the spot on the floor that Tessa was just standing at.  
  
_What the actual heck was that? What business do they need to attend to together when they slightly, despise one another?_  
  
Her phone on the table vibrated and she turned back around in her seat to see Kyle's name flash across indicating that a call was coming in. She answered despite the fact that Summer still had her nose stuck up in the air and hands outwards clearly not satisfied with Hilary's answer and attitude. Ignoring the disrespect that Summer wanted everyone else to be mad about as well, she held the phone against her ear.  
  
"Am I right on time?" Kyle said jokingly.  
  
"Something like that." Mariah looked at the clock on the wall. "Can you meet up for coffee later?"  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
"I'll text you after the party and we can work out a time."  
  
"Sounds good. Talk to you later."  
  
"Bye." She hung up the call and looked at Summer who had since picked up her own phone and was texting someone. Clearly not giving a damn about this whole exercise either. For the rest of the time they were seated there Mariah went over every possible reason Tessa and Hilary would both be willing to leave so abruptly. _I mean besides the obvious of being in a room full of people they have a tainted past with... but the way they left... was so... sudden and... mutual. Tessa also never agrees to what Hilary says, mostly just to show her solidarity with me. Which means it must of been Tessa's idea to leave._  
  
_But why if she chose to come here in the first place?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll make this one less vague and add names. 
> 
> Next choice: 
> 
> A. Sharon finds out about Mariah and Tessa's feelings for one another  
> B. Tessa's past comes into the story line  
> C. Noah and Tessa break up


	17. i'm not threatened by you, porter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winner in the poll - 
> 
> B. Tessa's past comes into the story line

"You've been stirring your coffee for five minutes straight and haven't said a word since we got out of that ridiculous party." Hilary tilted her head to the side and lifted a brow at the muted Tessa who sat across from her.  
  
As she continued to stir, the blank stare on Tessa's face held it's ground.  
  
Hilary crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back in her chair. "As your scapegoat, I think I deserve an explanation as to what you were escaping from."  
  
Her poker-face switched to a clenched jaw, knowing that she might regret talking to Hilary about this, but who else could she talk to. _It's not fair that Mariah could literally confide to anyone in this town, besides Noah... and Summer... obviously. Then there's me, who literally can't call one person in this city family, and after reading that journal entry, no one I can call a friend either._ Tessa picked up her phone and Hilary groaned as a result of this action because Tessa wasn't answering her. She opened up her messages between her and Crystal.  
  
Tessa Porter: _"I miss you. Call me later tonight if you get the chance."_  
  
"Would you prefer I just guess?" Hilary took a sip of her coffee.  
  
Tessa needed to talk about it, but not to it's fullest extent. She clicked her phone off and set it down on the table. "Mariah and I got into a fight. We - had a disagreement about something. Weren't seeing eye to eye."  
  
"That's it? I thought this had something to do with the feelings you guys have for one another."  
  
The faintest flush began to creep up onto Tessa's cheeks as her expressionless facial features began to shift into a deer in the headlights.  
  
"Ah, as I had suspected. Hadn't concluded until now, but definitely suspected."  
  
"How - how did you know?"  
  
"How did I know? Where should I start? The longing looks, the conversations cut short because someone walked by, the way Mariah shifts in her seat or turns on her heel when she hears your name. Or how about the way you two acted at Sharon's house just now? I think the real question is how does everyone else not know."  
  
Given the fact that Hilary already knows, she figured why not try to get something out of it. There's no point in denying it now. "What do you think I should do? I mean she won't talk to me, or if she does, she doesn't even look at me."  
  
"I think the problem is that you're asking yourself what you want, when you should be asking yourself what you can handle."  
  
"As in?"  
  
"You think that you want to be friends with Mariah, but is that what you can handle? Seeing her with this Jordan character, them being all intimidate. I mean can you honestly say that you can handle that? Because, and if you ever tell anyone I'll deny it, seeing her with Devon tore me up. I thought I could handle it and by _handling_ it I would be extra mean to her. You know more than usual, to try and make myself feel better. Though it did nothing for me but make me feel even more abandoned. I know you're dating her brother - which is a messed up situation in itself, but the wrong person in your arms can make you feel more isolated then no one."  
  
"That's comforting." Tessa said sarcastically.  
  
"It's not suppose to be comfortable to hear. The reality of a situation usually isn't. I'm telling you this because if I figured it out, others will soon figure it out as well. I think saving as many bystanders from this before it becomes bigger than what you can handle is the best idea."  
  
"You think I should break up with Noah?"  
  
"Like I said, you need to figure out what you can handle. If you can handle a fallout with Noah if he were to find out, then keep being obvious whenever Mariah is in a room. If you think you can handle seeing Mariah and Jordan being all couple-ish with one another, then keep letting them embrace that side of their relationship. What I don't think you should do is keep waiting on the sidelines if you can't handle being in the game. Waiting around for situations that you can't handle, that's what I don't think you should do. Just a thought from my own experience."  
  
The bell on the door of the coffee shop rang as someone pushed through it. Tessa looked up to see Kyle standing there and holding the door open with one arm while he unbuttoned his jacket with the other hand. Hilary turned around in her chair as well and saw Mariah walk through the door looking down at her phone as she made her way to the counter.  
  
Letting out a laugh only her and Tessa could hear, Hilary turned back around in her seat. "I guess we're not the only ones who cut the party short."  
  
"She hasn't noticed us yet. Do you think it's too late to slip out the back?" Tessa looked behind her to see how far the short sprint would be.  
  
"Honey." Hilary placed her hand on top of Tessa's momentarily. "Do you not see what's wrong here? Decide right now. Mariah or no Mariah? Because for an average sized city, you're bound to run into someone you don't want to at least three days a week. Are you going to let this effect whether you stay or go?"  
  
As Tessa was about to say yes, and Hilary could tell by the way she was already nodding before answering, she cut her off and answered for her.  
  
"No! No you are not going to let this decide when you can and can't be somewhere. If you're going to be the person that can handle Noah finding out, then keep making suggestive looks at her when she sits down in twenty seconds, wait for her to make plans with you so you two can pretend to be platonic, and then avoid each other for half a day anticipating the other to cave first."  
  
Tessa just blinked as she realized how accurate Hilary was with their current dynamic.   
  
She went on. "If you're going to be the person who doesn't care who she's dating, then stay in that seat, talk to me about first world problems like everyone else does in this town, and for the love of God, keep your eyes either on me or your phone but don't let them drift."  
  
The time in which she had to choose was far too small of a window, and it became that much smaller when Tessa could feel Mariah looking her way after turning around with the drink she had ordered.  
  
_The journal. The journal. The journal._ Tessa kept repeating this to herself as she picked up her own cup and took a sip, continuing to stare off to the side. _Remember what she wrote in the journal._ As if the memory was enough to give her a strength she didn't know she had within her, she looked back up at Hilary.  
  
"I'm choosing what I can handle." Tessa said as she crossed one leg over the other, not even bothering to see which table Kyle and Mariah sat at after they past by them.  
  
"Well let's hear it." Hilary raised her cup in unity for whatever Tessa was about to say.  
  
"I'm letting her do her own thing, and I can do my own. I can't let her presence dictate my life." Tessa checked the time on her phone. "Would you want to go get lunch somewhere? I haven't had the best experience with the sandwiches here."  
  
"I thought you were taking the high road? The high road is you staying here and not letting her drive you out of every place you two are breathing in the same air."  
  
"I know, and I'll get there in time. Given recent findings on what Mariah really thinks of me, I just don't want to be in the same space as her right now."  
  
"Is that the reason why you wanted to leave the party so quickly?"  
  
Tessa stood up and Hilary followed suit, suddenly more interested seeing that there was something she wasn't aware of.  
  
"I'll tell you about it over lunch. Only if we can change the subject and get into first world problems afterwards."  
  
Tucking in her chair and throwing her purse's strap over her shoulder, she followed Tessa out the front door. "Deal!"  
  
Over at another table, the one in the small room that was connected to the main room, sat Kyle and Mariah.  
  
"Alright, they just left." Kyle informed Mariah as he was the one facing in the direction that Tessa and Hilary were just sitting in. "I didn't know those two were friends."  
  
"They're not." Mariah said through clinched teeth, clearly bothered by the inclination.  
  
"It looks that way seeing how they were just all smiles leaving here. Are you going to tell me what's going on now that they're gone?"  
  
"Sharon just had a small party, and the three of us were all just there. Along with a few others that also didn't want to be there. Everyone paired up and then all of a sudden Tessa just got up and left the party and took Hilary with her. Hilary! Of all people."  
  
"Well what happened before she left? Was she just talking to Hilary?"  
  
"Yeah they were sitting on the couch and - "  
  
"And - what?"  
  
"Well I don't remember when she came back into the room, but she did leave the room right after we all partnered up for a little while."  
  
"Where could she have gone in that time frame?"  
  
Mariah thought about the layout of the house for a moment. "I suppose the kitchen.. or the bathroom.. or upstairs."  
  
"Is there anything in those locations that would send her running out of the house?"  
  
"Not that I can think of off the top of my head."  
  
Kyle looked at Mariah knowingly. "Something in that house obviously triggered her. Something made her leave."   
  
Mariah thought about her journal momentarily, but let the thought slip away given that it was Tessa she was talking about after all. _She would never go into my closet.. no. That's really out of character.._  
  
_Wait. Before I left the house, I went upstairs to get my purse and the closet door was open._  
  
As if reading her mind as she thought her thoughts, Kyle sensed Mariah's revelation. "You thought of something that could of triggered her didn't you?"  
  
"My closet was slightly open when I went upstairs. Before I came here."  
  
"Is this a metaphor or - "  
  
"I never leave my closet door open because it drives me crazy. I didn't even think twice about it when I walked past it because I was so distracted by all that's been going on but it was definitely open oh my god Kyle.. she had to of read my journal. I don't even know what part or how much she read but that has to be it."  
  
"Well let's think of it this way - what's the worse thing you could've written? Don't you just gush about her or write about how devastating it is to not be with her? What would send her out the door - "  
  
Kyle's eyes grew large at the same time as Mariah's did.  
  
"The list." They said at the same time in low voices.  
  
"Please tell me you didn't leave your journal open on that page."  
  
"No, it's always closed." Mariah took a moment to think if she had written in the journal since that last entry that her and Kyle conspired together. She realized that she hadn't. "That was my last entry though."  
  
"Hey, maybe she didn't read the last one. Maybe she's one of those people who opened up to a random page, or started at the beginning."  
  
Mariah began shaking her head from side to side at her own actions. "Not only did I leave the bookmark string in-between a blank page and that page, but I haven't written anything in there since that list!" Mariah reached across the table and slapped Kyle on the arm. "Why did you have me make that list? Now Tessa is going to think that I think those things about her."  
  
"You did write them, so in a way you do think those things about her."  
  
"Not exclusively. Certainly not above everything else. I forget about those traits all the time. Heck, I wish I harped on them more because if anything I think far too much about all of her good traits. Like her intoxicating personality, her love for vintage records, and her dry humor. She has too many good traits to ever think that I think those bad ones that I wrote down outshine the rest of her. The best things about her, that list would be endless." Mariah let her mind wander off and her eyes followed as they averted up to the ceiling.  
  
"I think you're forgetting one thing." Even though in a blissful thought of Tessa's most endearing qualities, Mariah looked Kyle in the eyes again. "The reason why we made the list. You wanted to get over her. To create some distance. Should we be seeing her reaction as possibly what you wanted all along?"  
  
The thought of that being true made Mariah huff out loud. Realizing that her plan both backfired, and worked.   
  
The sunlight that streaked across the table that they were sitting at was beginning to fade and Mariah looked towards the stain glassed windows in which it was shinning through. The day was becoming gloomy as thunder crackled, and clouds overtook the suns rays. Mariah felt like the sky and her had a lot in common in that moment, as she looked back at Kyle. "I know it's self-serving to feel this way but.. I want distance just as much as I want us to be close again, and I know that in Tessa's eyes, I've been very back and forth between those two. She wants everything to go back to the way that it was, as do I, but unlike her, I can't forget about all of this. I can't look at her the same way as if I never looked at her in any other way before. I don't know what to do if this is the new normal, where we act like we were never best friends before. I also don't know how to create more distance in a town where everyone is practically neighbors because we run into each other so much. I mean shoot, she was just here!"  
  
"It seems to me that right now your biggest dilemma isn't whether or not Tessa read your journal. I think it has more to do with you, and figuring out if you two are going to be friends, or nothing, because it seems that there is no third choice. Making a decision is the first step you should take."  
  
"No yeah, I know, you're right. I just can't make up my mind on the matter."  
  
"Do some sort of test run. Go somewhere that she's going to be at but only this time go into the situation with no bias towards seeing her. Don't let the side of you that misses her, or the side of you that wants to push her away, dictate your reaction to seeing her. Just show up with a clear mindset, and whatever side of you takes over, that's probably your answer. That'll be the side of you that clearly resonates with you over the other."  
  
"You think that'll be the answer revealing itself?"  
  
Kyle nodded. "I really do."  
  
x  
  
As the storm roared, the patrons entered The Underground. In the hallway that lead to the bathrooms, Tessa was pacing, as she does, when contemplating a situation.  
  
_Noah said that Mariah was going to be here tonight. Why is beyond me. It's not like Jordan is performing again, which means she either knows that I am or she's just coming to see her. Neither thought is more comforting than the other._ She stopped pacing _. I'm going to be the person who doesn't want Noah to find out about us. I'm going to be the person who doesn't care who Mariah is dating. What would Hilary do? That should be my new mantra. She's really not that bad either, once you talk with her more. I mean yeah she's very blunt. So much so that once she says something you're not even sure if it was an insult or a compliment because the directness is so unfamiliar. I think if her and Mariah had met under other circumstances, and not shared an ex, they would actually get along very well -_  
  
"You!" Tessa heard the voice from behind her and soon after felt hands on both of her shoulders. Jordan pushed Tessa into the employee locker room across from the men's bathroom. "I heard you had a talk with Mariah the other day about me." With a slam Jordan shut the door.  
  
Placing her hands on her hips, Tessa took a step closer to Jordan to show that she wasn't at all intimidated by her words or actions. "I'm allowed to talk to Mariah whenever I want. We are friends you know."  
  
"Yeah, that's what you both keep saying."  
  
Seeing how bothered that made her, Tessa just wanted to push her buttons that much more. "It sounds to me like this is less about what is going on with Mariah and I, and more about how jealous it makes you."  
  
This time Jordan took a step forward. "I'm not the one who told you to stay away from Mariah, because I'm not threatened by you, Porter."  
  
"You literally just pushed me into an employees locker room to confront me about talking to her. Something must be bothering you."  
  
Just as she was going to say something, Jordan's phone buzzed in her back pocket and she grunted as she pulled it out to look at it. After taking a moment to read what Tessa assumed to be a text, Jordan looked back up at her as she slid her phone back into her pocket. "Well, that's unexpected. I didn't think the boss would give me the go ahead so soon."  
  
A line appeared between her brows, as she looked at Jordan with confusion. "Noah gave you the go ahead for what?"  
  
The corner of her mouth lifted as she took on the most conceited look Tessa has ever seen on her face, and that's saying something. Since Jordan always looks vain. "Not that boss."  
  
There was something almost eerie about how Jordan phrased her sentence. As if Tessa should be frightened by the idea that she wasn't referring to Noah.  
  
"You see I work for someone else as well. Someone you already know." Jordan leaned forward and pulled up Tessa's sleeve on her right arm, revealing her shoulder. "The man who gave you this."  
  
Terror overtook Tessa's face since no one in this town, up until now, knew about the burn mark on her shoulder. Besides Noah. Strapless was never her thing to begin with, but after she was given this burn, she made sure that everything she owned would never reveal her shoulders. There was already a sixth sense feeling Tessa was getting when she was around Jordan, and now she understood why. "What did he send you here for? To harass me? To follow me? Is that why you had all that money last time I saw you? Are you getting paid to do away with me?"  
  
Jordan smiled widely, which creeped Tessa out even more. "He wants you to know that he knows where you are, that he can come after you at anytime. That if you don't pay your debt to him, Crystal will pay for your short comings."  
  
The vein in Tessa's forehead popped out as her uneasiness turned to frustration. She shoved Jordan a few steps back which resulted in her slamming into the door. Tessa then got into her face. "You don't get to say my sister's name like you know her."  
  
Jordan's face didn't change after Tessa's aggressive act, and she ignored her response as well. "I asked if I could stop doing surveillance with you and could finally deliver the message so we could speed this thing up and I can get out of this pretentious town sooner rather than later. Later being when you finally do what's asked of you. He said yes, and now that you know that I'm here as his eyes and ears, we're hoping it'll make this whole transaction much quicker."  
  
Tessa was fuming, inside and out. "I'm working as fast as I can. The Newman's are the answer, and I finally have a way into their fortune. You can tell him that he's going to get more than what he's asking for if he gives me enough time to marry Noah."  
  
Tilting her head to the side Jordan laughed. "Yeah, I'll let him know. Though given your past encounters with him, you know how time sensitive he is." Jordan looked at Tessa's burn where the sleeve was still raised and ran her thumb over the few inches long that it was, which made Tessa wince in slight pain. "I am curious though. Where do you say you got this from? To Noah and others you've been with?"  
  
Tessa cringed at the question, annoyed by how irrelevant it was compared to all that was just said. "I say it was from a bon fire accident that happened when I was a kid."  
  
Jordan's face contorted with amusement. "We both know this was no accident." She reached for the door handle behind her and turned it. "I am also curious about whether or not he'll be more upset with how much about your past that you've lied to him about, or the fact that you have yet to mention that you're gay."  
  
Tessa's nostrils flared and her face began to turn red. _The nerve this woman has._  
  
Jordan opened the door, which made Tessa have to back up from being so close to her. "I heard you're playing a set tonight. Try not to let this conversation become apparent during that. I wouldn't want Noah, you're only chance at digging yourself out of this, to catch on to your plan." With that, Jordan left the employees locker room, closing the door with a loud thud just as she had when she had entered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will it be, gentle readers? A for angst, B for betrayal, or C for Crystal? 
> 
> A. Mariah sleeps with Jordan and Tessa finds out  
> B. Noah is caught flirting with another girl  
> C. Crystal becomes a part of Tessa's main story line


	18. you know what kind of capacity, tessa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> C. Crystal becomes a part of Tessa's main story line - Won!

The thunderstorm had yet to let up since Mariah and Kyle were in the coffee shop earlier that day. It had been raining so hard that puddles were forming all along the roads and highways. The kind of rain puddles that make you feel like your car is going in slow motion once driving through it. The clear mindset that Kyle had suggested to her was still present as she entered The Underground, but her subconscious was starting to feel weary about how the night would play out. Lately the weather has been predicting how her evenings would end. The timing was too spot on in her mind, and that was that whenever it rained, her and Tessa got into some sort of argument.  
  
Making her way over to Jordan, she sat in her usual seat. Right where she could see Tessa play. She talked to Jordan whenever she had a free moment while she also tended the bar.  
  
x  
  
While still in the employees locker room, and beginning to pace again as she weighed her options on what to do about Jordan's roll in all of this, Tessa's phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out to see an unknown number flashing across the screen. Unknown usually meant it was Crystal, so she answered.  
  
Her heart hammered in her chest while a knot began to form in her stomach. Chain reactions that always happened when she received one of these calls, as it wasn't always Crystal who was calling. Waiting to hear a voice to confirm who the caller was, she stopped pacing and sat in a chair.  
  
"Te- Tessa?" Her sisters voice was trembling, which made the knots in Tessa's stomach only grow tighter.  
  
"I'm here. How are you? Do they know you're calling? Is it safe to talk?"  
  
By the quacking in her speech, Tessa knew tears were trailing down Crystal's cheeks on the other end. "It's safe to talk.. and.. I was thinking," Tessa could hear the hesitation between the light sobs. "After all of this is over. Ma- maybe I should go home. Maybe things will be different this time."  
  
"Why would you even think that? I know where you're at right now isn't the solution but for the time being, it's better than going back. People don't just stop being abusive, Crystal. You won't understand this now because you haven't seen the world fully to know this about people, but they don't change. There are good people, better people than him that you can live with. You've only lived a life that has been restricted and controlled and that leaves you unaware to the possibilities. I can't wait to tell you more about what's going on here, even more so because I know it will change your perspective completely on what awaits once you're free - "  
  
There was some muffled sounds and movement heard on the other end before a new voice came onto the line. It was certainly not Crystal, and not one Tessa had heard before either, which made her clinch her teeth in rage as it spoke.  
  
"I'm going to have to cut this short." A raspy woman's voice said. "We wanted to make contact with you after hearing from Jordan. Consider this the last time you'll hear from your sister till you make good on our bargain." The cynical manner in which she spoke sent shivers down Tessa's spine.  
  
"I want your word that she will not be harmed." She stood up quickly from where she was sitting and pressed the fingertips of her free hand to her forehead, as her head began to feel heavier with the worry she felt.  
  
The cackle that projected through the phone was uneasy. "We've _barely_ touched the girl since you left her side." Tessa gritted her teeth at the remark as if there were another option then for her to have left Crystal behind. "She will remain in solitary confinement as she has been since you parted ways."  
  
_Solitary confinement? No wonder she thinks moving back home is best. She's probably losing her damn mind in there._  
  
The velvety voice continued. "That will however change if we don't get a little down payment in the mean time."  
  
"We never agreed to that! I can't even do that!"  
  
"I'm sure you'll think of something. It's for your sisters livelihood after all. Details will soon follow this call."  
  
"When I get my hands on y - "  
  
The call disconnected and Tessa griped the phone with all her might before throwing it against one of the lockers that were lined against the walls.  
  
She didn't know how she was going to do it but she needed to figure out a way. There was no time to waste, which meant she needed to get a move on it before her next set of instructions came in. Before leaving the locker room, she picked up her phone and looked around for anything she could use. Her phone buzzed again in her hand.  
  
Devon Hamilton: _"The producer just got here. I hope you're ready to sing your heart out."_  
  
_Just what I needed. One more person looking for me while I try to sneak out of here._ Looking around the room once more Tessa spotted a black trench coat hanging inside one of the lockers and threw it over her shoulders. _This'll have to do._ Opening the door with ease she peaked out to see if anyone was coming. The hallway was empty, so she slowly made her way back into the main room of The Underground. She was about ten feet from the doorway she needed to get to and as she peered into the room before moving. She saw Devon and the producer standing near the stage. Noah and Jordan were behind the bar, and Mariah sat at her usual seat.  
  
She couldn't tell Noah she needed a ride because she was ditching her performance so she figured she could call a cab. She had the number to a cab service readily available for any city she went to in case she needed to make a quick escape. After ducking back behind the wall, she dialed the number and waited rather impatiently, biting her nails till the ringing stopped.  
  
A man’s voice filled her ear within a moment of placing the call. “Genoa City’s Taxi Express, how may I help you?”  
  
“Hi, can I have a cab sent to Third and Grant?”  
  
“No problem. One should arrive in about - ” She heard the sound of buttons clicking on the other end. “Ten minutes or so.”  
  
“Great. Thank you.”  
  
After ending the call, she peered around the corner again to see how her odds of getting out without being seen were. No one had moved and so she sped to the entrance of the restaurant and didn’t let out the breath she was holding until she got to the street in front of the building. She had told the man on the phone to go to Third and Grant, which was a block over. _Only takes a few escape plans to go awry before you learn to wait somewhere far from where you’re escaping from._ She thought about this wise concept she’d created as she began to walk away from the only place she’s ever wanted to stay.  
  
“Hey!” Tessa’s eyes widened as the voice she recognized coming from behind her was accompanied with footsteps that were getting closer.  
  
“Were you just going to leave and not tell anyone? Devon is looking for you, you can’t bail on him like this!”  
  
Tessa reluctantly stopped walking and turned around slowly to face Mariah. As her mind was buzzing with a million lies, she couldn’t decide on which one to tell as she was looking at the one person who made her want to be more honest.  
  
Mariah went into her purse and pulled out her umbrella as she waited for a response, and rain persisted to fall heavily onto them. Tessa watched one of the droplets of water splash onto Mariah’s red umbrella and free fall down till it joined the rest of the fallen drops in a puddle on the ground. She was distracted momentarily by the thought of Mariah having such a grasp on her, that she would consider staying.  
  
Mariah didn’t know it was possible to feel more annoyed than she already did at seeing Tessa leave abruptly, but now with Tessa zoning out and not answering her, she found herself even more crossed with the woman before her.  
  
“Well?” She beckoned.  
  
Tessa looked back up to meet eyes with Mariah. “Wish I had the umbrella you got me right about now, but I left it at Noa - I mean mine and Noah’s place.” The rain was drenching her, and she figured she had several more minutes before the cab were to arrive. She took the few steps needed to be standing under Mariah’s umbrella to keep what was left of her dry.  
  
Mariah was taken back by the motion and it was apparent in her eyes, though she didn’t step away. Tessa’s bangs were sticking to her forehead and the lampposts made the water on her face glow. _Stay focused._ The trance Tessa had on her was broken when she remembered why she chased her out here.  
  
“Are you going to preform tonight or not? Also, what’s going on with you calling Jordan out?” Mariah finally realized what Tessa was wearing with their close proximity. “What - and why are you wearing a trench coat?”  
  
Tessa didn’t bother to answer the questions that were going to give away her plan. Even though she was clearly trying to sneak out.  
  
“She's trying to tear us apart. That’s why she told you that I talked to her. Surely she didn’t tell you everything about the conversation.”  
  
“Either you need to give me a good reason to not talk to Jordan or you need to drop it.”  
  
There’s no way Tessa could put Mariah in a position she couldn’t get her out of. Telling her anything could make her a target and that wasn’t going to happen. Besides, the next time Mariah and her were going to talk, she had another topic already in mind.  
  
“Do you really think those things of me?” She blurted out.  
  
Mariah’s eyebrows raised as she tried to decipher what that response had to do with the topic.  
  
Tessa clarified. “What you wrote in your notebook? Do you think I’m unfair to Noah? Wishy washy? That I take advantage of your feelings?”  
  
Mariah began shaking her head in the middle of Tessa’s inquiry. Then she thought for a moment and realized she had no reason to lie. Those things felt like the truth to her, and now that it had been brought up, why not get some answers? She decided to tread carefully.  
  
“That's not all that is said about you in that journal and what you read was out of context.”  
  
“Leaves you in a state of uncertainty?” Tessa went on with the last part of the list. “Makes you question your worth?”  
  
Mariah gulped when she realized Tessa had just recited the whole list back to her. “Did you memorize it word for word?”  
  
“How could I not? Their words that you wrote about me. How could I forget that I make you question your worth as a person.”  
  
“That’s - “ Mariah was taken back by how there was any confusion on what she meant by that. “That’s not what I was referring to. I meant that you make me question how much I’m worth to you.”  
  
Tessa was also taken aback. “In what capacity?”  
  
“You know what kind of capacity, Tessa.”  
  
Tessa averted her gaze to the ground beneath them and tried to fight the butterflies she felt in her stomach whenever Mariah acknowledge the spark between them.  
  
Mariah on the other hand wanted to take the attention off of the journal so she wouldn’t have to explain the obvious any further. “Why did you confide in Hilary about us?”  
  
Lifting her gaze back up to meet Mariah’s, Tessa’s eyebrows furrowed. “You won't talk to me so I had to talk to someone. It’s not like I can talk to Noah about this.”  
  
“So you went to Hilary?” Mariah then looked at Tessa’s cheeks that were beginning to turn slightly pink due to the cold weather. “You don't talk to anyone about this.”  
  
Tessa noticed Mariah’s pale complexion was beginning to change in color as well. “I'm confused then. You wanted distance between us, but now you're mad when I get close to other people. I need other friends if you're opting out. I can’t not have someone to talk to.”  
  
Mariah took a moment as she continued to stare into Tessa’s eyes, thinking about something Kyle had suggested to her earlier that day. _There’s a side of me who misses Tessa always being around, and there’s a side of me that wants to create distance. He told me to go into the next situation with her with a clear mind and see which one trumps the other but she’s right. The side of me that wants distance is overwhelming. While the side of me that misses her cares enough to have me chase her into a parking lot where it's pouring rain._  
  
While Mariah thought back to what Kyle had said, Tessa was thinking about what Hilary had said to her earlier as well. _Hilary is right. I can either be the person who doesn’t care about who Mariah is with, or I can “keep being obvious” and be the person who does something about it._  
  
Mariah broke up her train of thought. “Why are you looking at me like that?”  
  
They both continued to stare but the expression on Tessa’s face softened. “It’s hard not to look at you, Mariah. I mean look at you!” Tessa gestured to Mariah’s whole being by waving her hand up and down in-between them. A blush crept across Mariah’s face and she hoped that the bitter weather would be seen as the culprit instead of her own feelings. “I want to be with you, but I’m not going to leave Noah."  
  
Mariah just blinked. Shocked for not only the bluntness of Tessa admitting that she would want to be with her, but also for her ending it so harshly. “Why are you telling me this then?” There was disdain in her words and she hoped Tessa had picked up on it.  
  
Tessa wrapped her hands around Mariah’s as they held tightly onto the umbrella sheltering them. The little bit of warmth left in Mariah’s hand’s gave Tessa the strength to go on. She knew where she was going, and she wasn’t sure when, or if she would ever feel Mariah’s touch again.  
  
“I don’t know why exactly, I just know that I had to tell you.”  
  
Mariah loosened her grip on the umbrella’s handle which in turn made Tessa loosen her own grip as well and they both backed up from the sudden move. “Well when you have a better answer, come find me." Mariah began to turn away.  
  
“We may never get that chance.” Tessa stepped forward once more.  
  
Mariah stood in silence for a moment. “What - what do you mean by th - ”  
  
Placing one hand on Mariah’s back and the other on the back of her neck, Tessa pulled the other woman towards her till they were so close that the only thing that each of them heard was the other one breathing. As if she were a puzzle piece falling into place, Mariah placed one hand on Tessa’s lower back while the other one slowly let the grip it had on her umbrella loosen even more than it had before. Each finger slowly unraveled from the handle and within seconds she let the one thing keeping them dry fall to the ground. As the rain hit both of their faces, neither of them blinked. The free hand Mariah had hanging out to the side came up to rest against Tessa’s cheek, and Tessa tilted her head slightly, leaning into it. Mariah pushed her heels off the ground gradually, allowing her height to increase as she stood only on the tips of her toes. This brought her lips in direct contact with Tessa’s and she let them graze over each other. Tessa’s breath hitched and this made Mariah smile. The waiting was torturous and Tessa didn’t let it last much longer as she pressed the hand that rested against Mariah’s back with more force, bridging the small gap that remained in between them.  
  
There was a pause at first when their lips touched. A sensation neither of them had ever felt flooded them completely. Tessa was the first to press into it and she could taste a bit of the red wine Mariah must have been drinking earlier, but it was fleeting for it went away just as fast as it had come on. Mariah felt her body pushing fully into Tessa’s as she let her curious demeanor turn into more of a quest. Their lips moved in rhythm with one another’s and Mariah took her chance when Tessa let her mouth part momentarily, allowing their tongues to brush against the others. The kiss turned from sensual to aggressive in seconds, each running their hands along the others body trying to find territory they hadn’t yet touched. Mariah hands wrapped around Tessa’s neck, as her fingernails dug slightly into the skin beneath them. Tessa’s hands went into Mariah’s red locks and found herself gripping handfuls of hair.  
  
They both heard the sound of a car horn as a car approached them. As they pulled away to look at it, Tessa let out a breathy sigh as she knew the yellow vehicle was meant for her.  
  
They both still clung to each other as the window rolled down only a few inches, the driver clearly trying to keep as little rain as possible from getting in.  
  
“Did either of you call a cab?” The driver said out the small opening in the window.  
  
Mariah only looked at Tessa when she felt the hands that were gripping her hair so tightly begin to retract. Her eyebrows narrowed when Tessa let all contact end as she took a step away from her, all while still looking at the driver.  
  
“I did.” Tessa responded before looking Mariah in the eyes one last time.  
  
Mariah’s mouth opened to object but fell short of actually saying anything.  
  
Fishing in her pocket for keys, Tessa pulled out the spare Noah had given her to their apartment. Without thinking Mariah reached forward and took them, unaware of what was even happening. Tessa gulped as she took in the view of the woman before her, as she feared it might be the last time she would be able to. Walking over to the taxi they hadn’t broken the look they shared. Tessa pulled on the door handle and finally looked away as she got into the cab. The door closed after her and the vehicle disappeared into the dreary night.  
  
Mariah watched the car till it was out of sight and then looked down at her umbrella that had now gathered a small puddle within it.  
  
_What just happened?_


	19. the newman and the copeland who are both in love with her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The writers must be reading fanfic because now Mariah has a bartender flirting with her on the show ....  
> If any writers from Y&R are reading this at the moment, BRING TESSA HOME FROM TOUR, THANKS.

In the cab, Tessa made sure to keep her head down till she was out of Mariah’s sight. Not because she didn’t want to keep looking at her, but because she didn’t want to put Mariah through anymore pain than she had already caused. She knew what kissing and leaving her like that would do to the both of them, the questions it would answer, and the new questions it brought about. Even still, it didn’t matter in that moment. If she would’ve left Genoa City without knowing what kissing Mariah was like, the wondering might have drove her mad. Anything more than that moment, any explanation at all - that would’ve only made it that much harder to leave. The kiss needed to happen for her, and as she had suspected since that night in San Francisco where it almost happened for the first time, it felt like -

 _Love_. 

She pulled out a piece of paper from her pants pocket and held onto either side of it. The paper had the lyrics to a song she wrote about her and Mariah. She gripped the corners with such force that her fingertips went from their usual pale to red. Scanning each lyric with tears forming in her eyes made her gasp loudly. Part of her wanted Mariah to hear her sing this, but a larger part of her feared what it would do to their friendship, and her relationship with Noah. 

The cab driver looked back at her in the rear view mirror at the sound. “Are you alright miss?” There was sincerity in his voice that made Tessa feel a little less alone in that moment. 

“I’ll be alright.” Tessa said, still looking at the song in her hands. “It’ll just take some time to get there.” 

“You know,” the cab driver started and sighed a bit as if remembering a similar time in his life he was reflecting on, “time doesn’t heal all wounds.” This made Tessa look up to meet his gaze in the rear view mirror. “The best you can hope for is a foggy memory of what had happened, so when you do think of it, its easier to cope with. It’s hard to forget the things that once mattered the most to you, but repressing the memory, even though its not the healthiest thing to do, will help ease the burden.” 

The slight pain in his voice took Tessa away from thinking about Mariah for a moment. She laughed lightly, in a way that was more reflective and not at all disrespectful to his grievances. 

“Maybe I should be asking you if you’re alright.” She said in a whisper that was just loud enough for him to hear it. 

This made him laugh which took them both out of their own thoughts to enjoy a joke. The cab came to a stop as they reached a stoplight. The driver glanced at his GPS screen. “We’re almost there, give or take fifteen minutes with the traffic we will hit on the other side of town.” 

Tessa just nodded to this as the cab began to move again when the light turned green. As she looked out the window on the side she was sitting on, she saw another car about twenty feet ahead of them that was moving at an alarming speed. 

The cab driver looked in the rear view mirror to strike up conversation once again. “So where are you originally fr - “ 

Tessa looked to the rear view mirror at the cab driver momentarily before looking back out her window to see the headlights of the car beaming into her window like a spotlight. Brighter than any light that ever cast her shadow on stage. 

“STOP!” She yelled, but besides her efforts being too late, she wasn’t even sure who she was yelling stop to. If anything the cab should have sped up, not stopped, and the other car clearly didn’t have the intentions of stopping. 

The next thing she heard was the collision of the car smashing into the rear of the cab she was in. There was a ringing she heard, but she wasn't sure if she could hear it in one ear or both of them. After that moment, she had no control when her body jolted forward, then backwards, and finally slamming up against the door closest to her before she blacked out. 

x 

Mariah stirred her coffee in a counter clock-ward motion as she waited for Devon to show up for lunch. They still hadn’t met up since they last talked about it back when they ran into each other at Tessa’s party, but last night after Tessa bailed on her performance, Mariah felt she needed to make it up to Devon on Tessa’s behalf. Devon had inquired where Tessa had run off to since he saw Mariah leave The Underground looking concerned, and then returning minutes later looking confused, he put two and two together. All Mariah could come with as an excuse for Tessa was that she went to see her sister, that it was a family emergency, and that she should be checking back in within the next couple of days. Devon, being a family man, wasn’t too bothered with that being the reason Tessa left so abruptly. He was more upset that they missed the opportunity for Tessa to be seen by the talent agent, but was hoping they could reschedule when she came back into town. Mariah didn’t know if any of what she had told anyone was even slightly true, seeing that Tessa has clearly been hiding parts of herself from those in Genoa City. She doesn’t even remember speaking to Devon, Noah, or even Jordan about where Tessa had run off to. Her mind was in such a daze after Tessa had kissed her, it’s amazing she was able to hold a conversion with anyone. Let alone make lunch plans.

This morning there was a new journal entry Mariah had written about the ordeal, although it was brief. She thought back to the few sentences she was able to muster putting together given what had happened. What had _finally_ happened.

**Tessa kissed me in the pouring rain, like a dream that came true. I hope I never forget what it felt like, but even more so, I wonder if I’ll ever feel it again. What was the point of kissing me and then taking off like that? I just can’t wrap my head around what happened, and what it implies.**

Mariah shifted in her chair a little, trying to think of ways she could give the moment between them more substance. 

_I don’t doubt that she was on her way to see her sister, but the way she left… what other life could Tessa possibly be living? I know Tessa.. The Tessa I know prefers hot chocolate over coffee, thinks all stairwells are haunted, and wears two pairs of socks to bed because she’s always cold. How much more could be going on with her? What don’t I know about her?_

_Unless all of this was her way of escaping both the Newman and the Copeland who are both in love with her. Maybe she can’t choose, maybe she doesn’t want to, or doesn’t know how to. She could just be sparing all of us the heartbreak that surely would have followed last night. Whether she would’ve chosen to break my heart, or Noah’s, there would inevitably be a rift between siblings. Regardless of her reason for leaving, and her reason for the kiss, I now know I wasn’t crazy. She’s been feeling for me what I’ve been feeling for her. That’s really the only comfort I’ve gotten over the last sixteen hours._

__

Mariah laughed out loud to herself, for ever believing this thing with Tessa could be easy and painless for all involved. 

The door of the Crimson Lights swung open and Mariah knew it was Devon before she even looked up from the spot on the floor she had fixated her gaze on. 

Mariah noticed right away the slightly frantic look on Devon’s face as he came over to where she was sitting. “Hey, is everything alright?” She asked to be polite, but knew Devon was about to cancel lunch. 

“You must not have heard since you’re still here.” Devon said, slightly out of breath. 

Mariah drew her eyebrows close to one another as she realized this wasn’t going to be town gossip but rather upsetting news. “Heard what?” 

“I just got off of the phone with Nate,” Mariah gulped in fear of what that was already implying given what Nate’s job was. 

"Sharon?" Mariah asked frantically. 

He shook his head. “Tessa got into a car accident last night.” 

Mariah shot up from her seat. “Wha - what happened? Why hasn’t anyone called me yet? Is she okay?” 

Devon placed a hand on each of Mariah’s shoulders to try and give her some comfort. “Well according to what Nate said, Tessa asked him not to call anyone. To include you, Noah, and me. I think he knew the backlash he would get from all of us had we found out another way, so he gave me a call, asking me to let all of you know. I already called Noah on my way here and he’s heading over there right now.” 

Mariah began to gather her things quickly. “Well she must be okay since she’s stubborn enough to make requests that no one be told she’s there.” She said out loud, trying to convince herself more than Devon. 

“Nate said she was stable, yes, but she does have a concussion because she blacked out.” Mariah eyes grew wide as she followed Devon to the door. She tried not to cry as she drove to the hospital, and when she arrived in the parking lot, she still hadn’t decided on what she was even going to say to Tessa. All she knew was that she needed to see her for herself to make sure she was alright. 


	20. this isn’t the time, or even the place

As her eyes began to open slowly for the second time that day, all Tessa saw was the same bright hospital lights shining above her that she had been looking at right before she took a nap. There was another presence in the room and she knew by the sniffling sound she heard coming from one of the corners farthest from her. Shifting her gaze over to that corner she saw Noah look up from his hands that he was fiddling with. His face instantly switched from despairing to glee. He placed a hand on either arm rest and immediately pushed his weight off of the chair. When he took a hold of Tessa’s hand, she could see that his eyes were glossy from tears that had since subsided.

“How are you? I’ve been so worried you weren’t going to wake up again. Nate said you woke up when they brought you in, but you never know how head injuries can go after hearing horrible stories from others. Can I get you anything?”

Tessa stared at him for a moment as she tried to process everything he had just said, but decided to only focus on the first sentence. “I have the worst headache.” She shifted in her bed as she tried to sit up a little more and he helped her reposition herself. “Worse than when you tried to sing to me that one time in the car." She hissed at the pain that radiated down her left forearm all the way to her wrist, only now realizing the sling her arm was in.

Noah laughed, but still looked nervous in the face. “I can’t believe you’re making a joke right now. Although, the cab driver you got in the crash with was apparently also joking with Nate - “

“How is he?” Tessa blurted out, switching her expression from discomfort to concern.

“He’s fine. I would even go as far as to say that he’s better than you are. The other car chipped the back of the cab, and you were closer to the impact.” He squeezed her hand a little. “Do you remember anything about what happened?”

Tessa just stared at him, realizing that she really didn’t remember much of anything after the impact. “I remember he was talking to me, the driver, and then I remember hearing a loud noise, like a bang, before feeling my body slam into the door.”

“It was the window you slammed into, too.” Noah reached up and pushed Tessa’s bangs away from her left eyebrow which now had a small cut going through it. “That’s probably how you got your concussion.”

“That would explain the ringing in my ear that wouldn’t go away when I woke up earlier.” Tessa looked over to the window of her hospital room to see Nate talking to one of the nurses. “Remind me to have a word with Nate when I get out of here.”

Noah’s face got more stern in that moment. “Why did you tell him not to call anyone? I talked to Mariah last night and she said you went to go see your sister, but even that doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t seem like you to just leave like that, not say goodbye, and then not want anyone here after this accident.”

_There’s so much you don’t know about me. Couldn’t even begin to imagine in your safe and sturdy, Newman world._

Tessa didn’t have an answer to any of that, and began to sigh heavily but stopped when the action made her head hurt more.

“Did I do something wrong?” Noah spoke softly, which made Tessa feel that much more terrible for kissing his sister last night. If anyone did anything wrong, it was her.

“No, Noah, you didn’t do anything to upset me. I just needed to get to my sister - “ As she spoke about her sister it finally hit her since she got to the hospital that that’s where she was headed to last night. “My sister - I need to - “ Tessa tried to get up slowly but Noah gently eased her back on to the bed. “I’ve got to get to my sister!"

“Whoa there.” Noah began to look even more confused. “Mariah said there was a family emergency, but if you hadn’t noticed, you’re probably going to be here for another night or two.”

“You don’t understand Noah, I have to get to her she’s in danger.” Tessa spoke before thinking and regretted it the moment she finished talking.

“What kind of danger?” Noah let go of her hand and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I can send someone to check on her, or help her out.” He looked to her again. “You just have to tell me what’s going on so I can help.”

Tessa couldn’t think of a decent lie so she tried to be as vague as possible. “There’s nothing you can do, it’s just some guy she’s been seeing that she doesn’t feel safe around anymore.” _It’s not a complete and total lie._ She credited herself.

“I can still help. I can go over there and bring her back to you.”

“No offense Noah, but the last thing she would want right now is for some guy she’s never met to show up and try and save the day. She needs me, she needs her sister.”

As Tessa tries to get up, Noah once again stops her from leaving her bed. “Okay, okay. How about I go figure out where your phone is and you can call her. This way you’ll both feel better till you can actually go get her. That’s all I’m going to let you do at the moment because Nate said that you need to stay here for observation for at least one more night.”

Tessa weighed her options. _I’m clearly not making a clean break with him here, so I may have to wait until he leaves to get out of here._ Her arm radiated again with pain. _Then there’s this I have to worry about. Not sure how I’m going to save Crystal anyway when I’m down an arm. No, no it can’t wait. I’ll just have to wait until later tonight when he should be gone and the night crew is on to get out of here._

“Okay, you win.” She lied.

“Thank you.” He leaned down to kiss her and Tessa wrapped one hand around the back of his head as he did. They exchanged a smile before he made his way out to go and look for Tessa’s belonging from the accident. Only when he walked through the doorway and greeted the person who was standing on the other side of it looking through her room’s window did she notice them.

_You have got to be kidding me. Did Nate literally call everyone I told him not to?_

Mariah exchanged some words with Noah before stepping into the room.

Tessa could sense Mariah’s apprehension to approach her by how slow she made her way to her bedside. Mariah looked around the room and grabbed a swivel chair to sit in near the edge of Tessa’s bed. As Tessa took in the sight of the other woman, she took a moment to really look at her before Mariah yelled at her for getting into a car crash.

Mariah eyes were gleaming even brighter than usual since she had applied green eye shadow. The black romper she had on along with her straightened hair made Tessa wonder if she had just come from some sort of brunch, or if she was going out to eat dinner later. _Not that Mariah doesn’t ever look as though she is lacking any effort when she gets ready. Maybe it’s more about how I see her. There’s always a glow about her in my eyes, no matter how she looks on any given day._ Her lipstick color was a dark red, which made Tessa tempted to ask how she goes about choosing her lipstick shade. Whether it’s the first decision she makes with an outfit, or the last. If its the part of her look that's making the biggest statement, or if its just following the rest of the look.

Mariah hadn’t said anything since she stepped in the room, and with the way that Tessa was examining her, she wasn’t sure she wanted to stop the extra attention she was getting in that moment. After last night, she’s not even sure what sort of conversation they should be starting off with but given Tessa’s current state, she just started talking. Their gazes met after Mariah studied the area above Tessa’s right eyebrow for a moment.

“Looks like you’ll be getting a pretty badass scar there.” Mariah motioned towards Tessa’s eyebrow.

Tessa was taken back by the comment. She grazed the cut with her fingertips, almost thankful for the blemish that was gaining her Mariah’s sympathy. “You’re not mad at me?”

There was a moment of pause for both of them as they realized this could be referring to several things. The bailing on her performance, the kiss, the leaving, the secrecy, and getting into a car crash (even if it wasn’t her fault). Mariah decided to stay in the direction she had already planned on going in.

“You have a concussion, Tessa. Even if I was upset about something - ” Mariah absent mindlessly looked down at Tessa’s lips before she caught herself and met with her eyes again. “This isn’t the time,” she glanced over her shoulder a moment before looking back at Tessa, “or even the place, to focus on that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poll Question: Do you want Tessa to tell Mariah about Jordan's motives? 
> 
> A. Yes, she needs to know  
> B. No, let it play out


	21. you can’t tell me that’s not suspicious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa DOES tell Mariah who Jordan really is - won in the poll! 

Tessa had just continued to hold Mariah’s gaze, which made Mariah feel like she was slowly losing control of the situation. There was nothing she wanted more than for them to talk about everything they’ve been putting off. It’s been months that she had been waiting for something to be done or said, even if it was only her initiating the conversation. With all the mixed signals that she’s received from Tessa, there are answers she feels she deserves from the other woman. Answers she wished to receive without having to ask, but knowing who Tessa is, most aspects of her remain a mystery. Mariah is starting to think Tessa prefers a life of anonymity - 

“I’m doing fine as you can see.” Tessa interrupted Mariah’s inner thoughts. 

There was an unconvinced laugh Mariah had to suppress. “They said you blacked out.” 

“I remember everything.” Tessa sat up a little more so that her back wasn’t resting against the elevated mattress. “They tried to hit us.” She then reenacted two cars hitting one another by pounding the knuckles of one hand against the open palm of the other to emphasize the impact. “We were this car." She held the hand that showed her palm closer to Mariah. 

“Tried to hit you.. okay so you definitely hit your head.” Mariah let herself laugh this time. 

“I’m being serious.” 

“Who would try to hit your cab?” Mariah glanced over at Tessa’s patient monitor screen to see if her vital signs indicated a raise in body temperature. _She must have a fever if she truly believes this. No one who would harm her knew she was in that cab._ “The only people who knew you even left The Underground were me, Devon, Noah, and Jordan." 

Mariah wasn’t sure what she had just said to bring about the reaction showing on Tessa’s face. With the way Tessa’s mood went from certainty to - _fear? Is that fear in her eyes?_

“Did you not want me to say anythin - “ 

“You told Jordan that I had left?” 

“Well yeah.” Mariah slowed down her speech as if any explanation should be implied already. “You were going to perform. So people noticed your absence.” 

Tessa thought back to the car that hit them and how the two might be connected. 

“What exactly did you tell Jordan? Did you tell her I was in a cab?” 

“What does Jordan have to do with _this_?” Mariah twisted her pointer finger in a circular motion to refer to the room and the fact that Tessa was in it. 

“She’s not who you think she is.” 

“Not this again - “ 

“I need to tell you something but it may put you in danger.” Tessa looked down at the state she was in and realized she needed Mariah’s help, if she was willing to offer it. “You can decide if you want to know.” 

“Wait - “ Mariah tried to decipher Tessa’s change of demeanor. “Do you think Jordan did this to you? Because Tessa, she was tending the bar for two more hours after you left. She even texted me when she got home last night, and that was long after this had happened to you. I think if I had responded she would even mention coming over to hang out. No sane person could hit someone with a car and then go socialize like they didn’t just attempt to murder someone.” 

Tessa tried to let the image of Mariah allowing Jordan into her house, into her room, possibly into her bed - disappear from her mind. _There’s more pressing matters right now to tend to. How to begin…_

Following a heavy sigh, Tessa just started talking. “You don’t really know me.” 

Mariah was quick to disagree. “I think I know you pretty well.” 

“I’m talking beyond surface level stuff. I’m a bad person. Or I like to think I was, but now it’s different. I didn’t tell you everything about my sister, and if you’re willing, I need your help to save her.” 

_Save her? What kind of emergency was this?_

“What about your parents? Can they not help?” 

Tessa shook her head before answering. “Our mom - isn’t around anymore, and our dad - is an alcoholic.” _We can get more into that later on. Or perhaps never._

The tension that was building from the infliction in Tessa’s voice was maddening to Mariah, who wanted the bandaid to just rip off already. “If you’re keeping anything else from me I rather know now than later. Of course I’ll do whatever I can, but I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you need help with.” 

“It’s selfish of me to ask this of you.” 

Mariah spoke before she fully finished thinking her thought. “Everything you have done with me has been selfish up to this point.” There was a sting in her words and she regretted the phrasing instantly, but didn’t follow up with anything else. 

Tessa’s eyes got softer, sadder, at this blow, but she let Mariah have that statement without rebuttal. _She’s not wrong._

With a lump that has now lodged itself in Tessa’s throat, she swallows hard before finally allowing Mariah in. “Jordan works for a woman who is holding my sister captive and she was sent here to keep an eye on me to make sure that I pay what I ‘owe them’ or else they’re going to harm Crystal.” 

Mariah’s mouth hung open as if there was no response in the world that could follow that sentence. “Should I call the doctor in to check your fluids or - “

Tessa reached forward and grabbed Mariah’s hands and held them. They both instantly got goosebumps up their forearms at the touch. “I swear on my guitar - ” she paused to reinforce what that meant to her. “I’m telling the truth.” 

To anyone else that would’ve seemed comical to vow honesty on an inanimate object, but to Mariah she knew it meant Tessa must have truly believed what she was saying to be true. The love that Tessa has for her guitar was unmatched. She has never let anyone even touch it, to include Mariah. 

Mariah let go of Tessa’s hands. “Okay..” She tried to find more delicate words to approach this assumption. Something was making Tessa believe it to be true. “I’m going to need more to go off of to understand not only a.. kidnapping?” Tessa nodded to confirm that was an appropriate word to use. “..and Jordan is.. involved with the kidnapping?” Tessa nodded once more. “You think Jordan has been stalking you because of her involvement with the kidnapping?” 

“I’m not sure if she had anything to do with the actual kidnapping part, but she is defiantly working with the people who took my sister. She was also sent here to keep an eye on me. Probably why she has been getting closer to you, as a way to get closer to me.” 

Mariah didn’t hold back the offense she felt that now showed on her face. She tried to even out the playing field. “Well I’m glad you told me she’s not really interested in me and was sent here to keep an eye on you before I slept with her.” 

Tessa just blinked, trying not to showcase too much of how that made her feel. In an attempt to sound as monotone and natural on the idea as possible, she responded. “You were going to sleep with her?” 

“I don’t know, maybe. We’ve sort of been dating, which can lead to other things.” 

“I’m only saying this because it’s for your best interest and safety, but I wouldn’t keep seeing her. Though you’ll have to break it off slowly and with good reason so she doesn’t suspect you know anything about her cover.” 

They both knew that Tessa was saying that for more than just Mariah’s best interest, but Mariah let it pass. 

“What do you know about the people that took your sister?” 

“Not much of anything. I don’t know if they’re even in Wisconsin, in another state, perhaps another country..” The possibility of that reality only made Tessa feel like getting her sister back will be even more impossible so she let that extended worry leave her mind. “I only know that Jordan is working with them because she told me. When I get out of here, I swear I’m going to kick her ass - “ 

“You can’t just walk up into The Underground and start harassing her, and you’re certainly not going anywhere anytime soon.” Looking Tessa up and down. “Need I remind you.” 

“I have to - Crystal needs me to save her. Everyday is too much of a risk for her to be with these people.” Tessa begins to get up again but just like before with Noah, Mariah gently pushes her back towards the bed. 

“Well this hospital gown isn’t as covert as you might think.” 

“You’re right.. I need my clothes. Noah’s suppose to be bringing me my stuff from the crash soon.. once he can track it down.” 

One of the nurses that had been tending to Tessa came into the room and they both watched her set down a bin at the foot of her bed where a small table extended out. “You can give him a call and let him know that it’s been retrieved.” She then walks over and checks Tessa’s monitor, gives her a small smile, and turns to leave the room. 

“I’m not sure if you can tell me anything but, do you know what happened with the other person in the car that hit us?” Tessa asked, eager to be wrong but weary that she was still right. 

With one hand on the door frame the nurse turned around and said, “From what I heard from the EMT’s that picked you and the driver up, there was no one in the other vehicle when they arrived.” 

“Like they fled?” Mariah questioned. 

“Seems so.” The nurse shrugged her shoulders a little before she disappeared into the hallway. 

They faced each other again and Mariah held up her hands as if that was going to stop the thought that Tessa was already thinking. “That doesn’t confirm anything.” 

It was already too late and there was no convincing Tessa otherwise. “You can’t tell me that’s not suspicious.” 

“Okay, maybe a little..” She reasoned because that means someone left their car there and are probably not coming back for it. “That doesn’t mean that it had anything to do with your sister or Jordan’s involvement." 

She pointed to her belonging where the nurse had set them down. “That’s what came of this. Me in a hospital bed and my stuff placed in a plastic container. The cab driver, also in a hospital bed. It doesn’t exclude anything either - “ 

Tessa noticed something sticking up from the bin in that instant and asked for Mariah to hand the whole container to her. 

Mariah noticed how Tessa’s eyes zeroed in on something within it and turned to give a closer examination than the once over she did when it came into the room. Rolling over the few inches she would need to reach it in her swivel chair, Mariah picks up the bin and rolls back towards the side of the bed Tessa is resting on. She handed it over but not before picking out the piece of paper that was shimming up one of the sides. 

“What’s this?” Mariah begins to unfold the corners from the creases Tessa had made but only was successful with two turns of the paper before Tessa snatched it out of her hands. 

With hardly any shock on her face as she knew this is what stopped Tessa mid sentence, Mariah just titled her head to the side. “Another secret?” 

Tessa tucked the piece of paper underneath her blanket on the side opposite of where Mariah was sitting. “Not so much of a secret anymore after last night, but I’m still not ready for you to hear it.” 

“Is it like a speech?” 

“A song.” 

“About - “ 

“You, yes.” 

Mariah narrowed her eyebrows, not believing her at first but with the silence filling up the room and the sincerity in Tessa’s eyes, she knew she wasn’t lying. Or at least, she didn’t think she was. She was second guessing her ability to read people lately. 

“I won’t push you to let me see what’s on that piece of paper right now,” she glanced at Tessa’s eyebrow once more, “since you look pitiful right now. However, I want to know what it says if it’s about me. You have to promise to let me hear it, when you get out of here. If we’re being more transparent these days.” 

“Deal.” Tessa looked over at the clock that hung above the door. “Could you possibly come back tonight? The only way I can get you to believe what I’m saying is to have you with me. Again, only if you want to be a part of all of this.” 

Mariah looked around the room sarcastically. “What’re you going to show me tonight that you can’t show me right now?” 

“I can’t show you here. I need you to come back so you can help me escape tonight.” 

Mariah gave her another sympathetic look. “Still letting that be the plan?” 

“It’s the only one I’ve got.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poll Question: Mariah themed -  
> A. Mariah continues to hang out with Jordan, still not convinced she’s bad  
> B. Mariah tells Noah about her feelings for Tessa, but doesn’t tell him about the kiss  
> C. Mariah reads the paper Tessa hid underneath the blanket


	22. I hope you like hibiscus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariah reads the paper Tessa hid underneath the blanket - won in the poll! It won’t be happening in this chapter, but it will come! 

Continuing from where we left off - 

_“I can’t show you here. I need you to come back so you can help me escape tonight.”_

_Mariah gave her another sympathetic look. “Still letting that be the plan?”_

_“It’s the only one I’ve got.”_

There were footsteps coming through the doorway behind Mariah from where she was sitting. Noah’s voice filled the room as he got closer to the bed. “Hey Mariah - oh good they found your stuff. Thought I would have to tell you they lost it since I’m empty handed.” 

Since Noah had entered the room, Mariah felt the need to appear unfamiliar to Tessa. As if the slightest bit of emotion would give away their forbidden feelings. Within seconds she had sat up a little straighter, inched her swivel chair away from the bed, and laced her fingers together in front to of her. First looking at her brother only when he came over and took Tessa’s hand into his own, forcing Mariah to back up a bit more from the bed to give him room. 

They both observed his face as it switched from a mild smile to a more tense, worried look across his face. “While I had no idea where to find your belongings, I did find out some information from the officers who are now investigating the crash.” 

“Do they think it was intentional?” Tessa asked, truly looking shocked. 

Mariah gave her a look, clearly unamused by her deer in the headlights act. 

“Apparently it’s too soon to tell. From what I was able to overhear in the waiting area between the two officers was that the license plates on the car that had hit you were removed.” 

“They were driving around without plates on?” Mariah asked. 

As Noah turned to look at her, giving her a nod to confirm, Tessa tilted her head to the side at Mariah as if to say - _“See! Suspicious.”_

When Noah looked at Tessa again she was able to turn her expression into concern once again and Mariah began to wonder if Tessa was right when she said she might not fully know her. A woman of many faces. 

“Is that Summer?” Tessa said as she looked over Noah’s shoulder toward the window. “How does she know about this?” 

Mariah didn’t even turn around to look, too bothered by the fact that Summer’s presence was about to be around. “It’s Genoa City, how surprised are you, really?” 

“Hey, Tessa.” Summer’s voice was delicate, sympathetic, as she walked in. She placed a vase full of flowers she brought next to some others that were located on a table that was opposite of where Tessa’s bed was. 

Tessa squinted a little as she realized there was a bushel of flowers laying on the table that weren’t there earlier in the day. _At least, they weren’t there before I took my nap._

“Mariah.” Summer acknowledged her adversary. “Should have figured you’d be here.” 

Mariah’s jaw was clenched, voice tight. “What is that suppose to mean?” 

“Could you guys not? At least for today?” Noah gave them both a glare. 

Mariah held up both her hands, as if laying down her fictional sword. “I was leaving anyways.” Pushing her chair back over to where she had found it, she looked at Tessa once more. “I’ll be back later tonight with your charger. Is there anything else you wanted me to pick up?” 

As if they shared one mind, Tessa picked up on Mariah’s lie. “Maybe some clothes so I have something fresh to wear when I get out of here.” 

Mariah glanced at the grip Noah and Tessa had on the other ones hand, and swallowed her envy. “You got it.” 

Before she could leave the room, Noah stood up. “Here.” He pulled his keys out of his front pocket and slid one key off of the ring where others continued to hang from. Mariah took it and held it up as if confused about it’s purpose. 

He went on. “I’d be there later to let you in, but I just got a call that I’m needed back in LA to work out some minor things.” 

“I heard about the expansion.” Summer chimed in. “Congratulations, Noah.” 

“Thanks, yeah it’s been going pretty smoothly.” He shifted his gaze back over to Tessa. “If I could send anyone else over there that I trusted with the responsibility, I would. I’m going to have to skip town for a bit, but once you get out of here tomorrow, you’ll have the apartment to yourself.” 

Mariah and Tessa shared a knowing look. The plan is a GO. 

“It’s okay, Mariah can keep her company.” Summer grinned at Mariah who gritted her teeth slightly. 

“Yeah don’t worry Noah, I’ll be back tonight with her stuff. She’ll have some company.” Mariah forced her usual tone, so that he wouldn’t catch on to what Summer was clearly becoming aware of. 

“Thanks sis.” Noah smiled. 

Mariah turned on her heel, afraid that her hands might slap Summer before her brain could stop her. 

Noah gave Tessa’s hand a squeeze once he got hold of it again. “I’ll give you a call later tonight to check up on you.” 

“Sounds good.” They share a kiss. 

“Hope you get better.” Summer says, honestly meaning it. 

“Thanks you guys.” Tessa forces the enthusiasm in her voice as she watches Noah and Summer leave the room together. 

Tessa was finally able to sit in silence. _It’s always nice when Noah leaves town for a bit, so I can hang up the facade for a while. Now however is even better timing. Sneaking out of here should be that much easier because had he still been in town tonight, he definitely would’ve tried to be here all night._

There was a vibration coming from the container at the foot of her bed where all of her belongings were. Leaning forward as slowly as possible so that she hardly had to move the arm that was in a sling, she reached inside and dug around until she pulled out her phone. 

“Unknown Caller.” Flashed across the screen. 

_While I would hope it’s Crystal, they did say she wouldn’t be calling anymore till they got their money. Probably just calling to gloat about successfully hitting me with a car. Truly sick._

Laying back down in the position she was just in to let her arm rest once more, she slid the bar across the screen to answer. 

“What do you want?” 

The snicker that came before a response already confirmed to Tessa who was calling. “That’s no way to talk to your best friends girlfriend.” 

There was a beeping sound coming from Tessa’s monitor screen, indicting that her pulse was raising. “Mariah isn’t your girlfriend, you imbecile." 

“Sounds like that’s upsetting you.” Jordan chuckled and it was then that Tessa decided she would spare no time in punching Jordan square in the face if given the chance next time she saw her. “Try not to bring the nurses attention to you right now, you can cry about that after you listen to my instructions.” 

“If you haven’t heard, I was hit by a car last night. So following your instructions isn’t really a top priority of mine.” 

“I’m well aware of your whereabouts right now and the events that lead to it. How’s Mariah taking it? She looked upset.” 

“Of course you know how I got here - wait, how do you know Mariah was just here?” 

“Look straight ahead from where you’re sitting.” 

Tessa glanced back up at the table that held all of the flowers she had received since getting admitted. Her eyes narrowed on the bushel that she had taken notice of only minutes earlier. 

“I hope you like hibiscus.” Jordan sneered. 

Tessa already knew where this was leading, so she eased her way off the bedside and made her way over to the table. “Is there a camera in these flowers, you actual psycho?” 

“Only video, unfortunately I couldn’t hear Mariah talk about me.” 

Tessa rolled her eyes as she located a small device that was placed within the flowers, but that was sticking out slightly so that it could capture the room. She clenched her fist that held it before placing it back on the table and picking up the vase Summer had just brought in. 

Jordan’s voice came across the line. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you - “ 

Tessa couldn’t hear what else was said as she slammed the vase down right on to the tiny camera. Clearly broken after one hit, but she smashed the vases base down on it a few more times for good measure. 

“Consider that added to your already outstanding bill.” 

Tessa smiled momentarily, feeling like she finally had a small victory in all of this. 

“There’s also a note you will find inside the bushel. With an address written on it.” 

Tessa pushed some of the stems aside to find a small piece of paper placed in the middle of the flowers. 

“You still owe a down payment, sooner than the rest is due. This address is where you will leave the money. In the mailbox.” 

“..and if I refuse?” Tessa knew that she should be doing all she could to get Crystal back, and she would, but there’s something about Jordan being the messenger that was starting to make her responses more defensive. 

“Let’s just say this isn’t the only camera that was planted today.” 

Tessa swung around and examined the room all along the floor and then up to the ceiling. 

Jordan suspected this when she didn’t hear a response. “Oh no, you only had the one. After Mariah didn’t answer me last night, I thought I missed my opportunity to slip one into her house. Lucky for me she needed to see her best friend in the hospital, giving me an opportunity to break in and plant one.” 

Tessa was clenching the phone with more force than before. “You monsters already have my sister, you will leave Mariah out of this.” 

“I guess that all depends on what you decided to do next, Porter. We can take down everyone you love with you. Go ahead, just keep postponing the inevitable. You saw what happened last night when you started to go off course. Do it again, and Crystal won’t be the only one missing.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No poll this chapter, I still need to write in the results from the last one, which will be next chapter. 
> 
> However, feel free to tell me what you'd like to see in the story! 
> 
> Beyond me updating more. I know you guys, I know! I'm almost graduated, so I'll have more time after that. 
> 
> I look forward to your thoughts/suggestions!


	23. here are all the side effects, plus you might die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally graduated! Which may be more of a victory to you all than me because that means I'll be able to continue this story more frequently. Thank you to those who are still checking for updates!

As she laid in her hospital bed, all Tessa could sense was cotton sheets where her skin wasn’t covered. There was also the unfortunate sensation in her arm that felt like the definition of agony. Her eyelids began to give into her reality and open, and the fluorescent lights beaming above her bed felt aggressive. Just as she was going to close her eyes once more to escape the abrasive beams, she heard wheels roll a short distance across the floor towards her, and then felt a light touch on the back of her hand. She squinted in the direction of the physical contact. 

“I was starting to think you were never going to wake up. They must have knocked you out pretty good.” Mariah glanced over to a small table next to Tessa where a glass of water and pill bottle sat. 

Tessa followed Mariah’s line of sight and scrunched her face, usually not one for taking medication. “The nurse came in and told me to take one for the pain. How long have I been asleep?” She began to reposition her body and sat up a little, leaning a bit on her uninjured arm to relieve pressure on the arm currently residing in a sling. 

Mariah had since picked up the pill bottle and paper next to it left by the nurse containing instructions and the usual _“here's all the side effects, plus you might die”_ warnings they have to put on basically every type of medication. 

Mariah’s eyes skimmed over the paper for a bit before replying. “These will definitely help with the pain, but they just as equally cause drowsiness. You should probably spread these out, and not plan on driving for a while after taking one.” 

“Driving? How far could I even get?” Tessa barley held up her arm that was resting in a sling and they both had a small chuckle. 

“As for how long you’ve been asleep,” Mariah continued on and glanced at her phone for the time, “I’d say you got in almost a full nights rest. It’s three in the morning.” 

Tessa’s eyes grew in size as she began to ruffle her covers off of the lower half of her body. “What?! How is that even possible? I wasn’t even tired, and I only took one twenty minutes after you left!” 

Tessa had managed to untangle her body from the sheet and had swung her legs over the side of the bed. Mariah swiveled back a little in her chair to give Tessa some room to sit up. 

“Clearly your body needed the rest. Given the past two days I’d say it was necessary.” Mariah clamped her hands together after setting down Tessa’s prescription on the tiny table. 

“That throws everything off! We were suppose to -“ Tessa stopped herself momentarily and drifted her gaze around the room. “Leave hours..” Her sentence never reached an end as she continued to observe the space from top to bottom. 

Mariah raised an eyebrow, unsure of whether it was her turn to speak or if there was more. Just as Mariah was turning towards the prescriptions paperwork again to see if one of the side effects was a stroke, Tessa reached towards her with her good arm and gestured for Mariah to take her hand. 

Mariah lifted her own hand to join Tessa’s, and continued to look at their hands intertwined as Tessa pulled Mariah towards her. The only sound was the wheels on her chair as they rolled forward slowly. When they came to a stop, Mariah looked up at Tessa who was now a few inches from her. Their hands remained connected and Mariah wondered if her lungs were going to breath for her like they always had, or if she was going to have to remember to do it herself. 

“I brought your charger, and some clothes.” Mariah heard herself but didn’t know how she even constructed the thought given her close proximity to the other girl. “You guys have a nice place -“ 

Her words were cut short when Tessa pulled her closer into a half hug. Given the sling it couldn’t be a full one. Mariah unlaced their fingers and brought both of her hands around Tessa to embrace the action, while Tessa’s now free hand did the same and made its way around to the small of Mariah’s back. 

_What is she doing?_ Mariah thought to herself. Nevertheless, Mariah inhaled deeply to take in the cherry blossom scent that Tessa’s shampoo provided every time Mariah got close enough to indulge in it. 

“Someone might be watching us on a camera.” Tessa whispered into Mariah’s neck. 

The soft spoken words on sensitive skin ran a shiver down Mariah’s spine for a spilt second until the words registered. Mariah began to pull away so that she could look Tessa in the eyes as she said “What??”, but Tessa stopped the action before Mariah could carry through with it and hugged her even tighter to keep her close. 

“I don’t want to say this too loudly in case the next camera is also equip with audio capabilities.” 

Mariah gulped slightly, and Tessa tried to reassure the uneasiness she knew Mariah was feeling by rubbing the hand placed on her back slightly. 

In any other scenario the act would turn Mariah into a small puddle of lovesick, but not at the moment given Tessa’s words. Mariah tried to keep her voice at a similar volume as Tessa’s. 

“What do you mean the _next_ camera?” 

“We can’t talk in here, it might not be safe. Follow me.” 

Tessa pulled away from the embrace and gave Mariah a gentle smile as anyone would after hugging, trying to keep the act going in case they were being monitored. She slid off the bed and Mariah followed her as she left the room. Tessa lead them to the nearest woman’s restroom and checked under each stall before leaning against one of the sinks. Mariah, mimicking her action on another sink, and waiting for an explanation. 

“After you left, and before I took my medicine, I got a phone call. It said Unknown caller so naturally I thought it was the woman who had always called to inform me on Crystal’s predicament but it was Jordan.” 

Mariah gave her an incredulous look. “Not this again.” 

“Please?” Tessa pulled a piece of paper out of a small pocket that Mariah hadn’t noticed on the gown prior to this moment. “Just read this.” 

Mariah took the crinkled note and read the address to herself. “What does this have to do with Jordan?” 

“That was in one of the bushels of flowers left in my room, along with a camera, which Jordan was watching me on. Don’t worry, I smashed the camera. Though now I’m convinced the whole room is bugged so we couldn’t keep discussing this in there.” 

Mariah glanced at the note again with skepticism but held her gaze there a few seconds longer than Tessa felt necessary to glance at an address twice. 

“Wait - ” Tessa tried not to get too excited by the possibility. “Do you know where this is? Who lives there?” 

Mariah clenched her eyes shut as if trying to forget what she had just been looking at. She spoke through trembling lips. “No, it’s not the address I recognize. It’s the hand writing.” 

Tessa’s body froze in place, even her arm stopped throbbing momentarily. That was just as good as knowing who lived there, so long as Mariah was sure she knew who wrote this. Tessa kept her tone gentle, seeing how the composer of the note had managed to make Mariah react so heavily. “Who wrote it?” 

“Her name is Alice.” Mariah’s eyes filled with delicate tears, trying their hardest not to trickle down her face. “I..” Mariah’s breathing picked up, her hands began to shake slightly, and Tessa automatically recognized the situation as its one she had been in many times before with her sister. Mariah still tried to go on. “She..” 

Tessa rushed forward and took Mariah’s check in with her free hand. “Hey.’’ Tessa didn’t continue to talk until Mariah met her gaze. “You’re panicking and you need to take a moment and breath with me.” 

Mariah felt her chest heave upwards and then back down but wasn’t sure she had actually inhaled any air. There was a tingling feeling in her hands and the bathroom lights seemed brighter than they had moments ago. Tessa was right. She was having a panic attack. Mariah let her knees give into the moment as she bent down closer to the floor and wrapped her hands around her ankles, trying to feel grounded. Tessa’s hand had lost contact with Mariah’s check at this movement but Tessa didn’t mind. She knew how to assist in these situations more than anyone. You have to let the person cope, and find comfort in their surroundings. The surroundings that in that moment, feel unsettling. 

“Mariah, look at me.” Tessa had knelt down so that she was at the same level as Mariah. Trying not to sound too stern, but still inflicting the importance of Mariah needing to regain herself, Tessa spoke again. “Look at me, you need to breath.” 

Mariah couldn’t hear her, or she couldn’t hear her over her own thoughts, Tessa thought. The shallow breaths Mariah was taking were becoming more and more frequent and Tessa feared she was going to hyperventilate if she didn’t take in a decent amount of air soon. 

So, Tessa thought what the heck. If anything was going to snap Mariah out of her anguish, it’d be something daring. 

Tessa leaned forward the little bit of distance that stood between them and harshly pressed her lips against Mariah’s, earning her a gasp from the other girl when she pulled away not even a second later. 

_Well, that got her to stop._ Tessa felt triumphant for a moment before feeling light headed. Her body swayed a little to each side before she let her weight shift backwards and she was sitting. “I think I need to eat. I’m feeling a little..” 

Mariah snapped back to reality and swooped in to catch Tessa’s limp body as it began to fall backwards even more, just before her head reached the floor. 

“Can someone help me!?” Mariah yelled, finally getting air back into her lungs to think more clearly. 

Two female nurses pushed open the door and shot Mariah a deer in the headlights look as they came to Tessa’s side to begin lifting her off the ground. 

“Can you tell us what happened?” The taller of the two nurses asked as Mariah followed them out of the bathroom. 

“She said something about eating. Now that I think of it I don’t think she’s eaten anything for half a day.” Mariah’s own stomach contents almost came up as she thought about Tessa’s pills. “She also took medicine on an empty stomach. 

The nurse who had addressed Mariah shot the other nurse a pointed look as Mariah directed them to her room. “We will get her on an IV and have someone bring her something solid to eat once she comes to.” 

Mariah couldn’t halt the tears now as she spoke. “You think she will be okay?” 

The taller nurse raced out of the room to fetch something for Tessa to consume. The nurse who hadn’t spoken yet began to respond as she hooked Tessa back up after laying her down on the bed. “Oh yeah, I wouldn’t worry. This happens more than you might think.” 

Mariah let out a shaky breath. Not sure if that was any more or less comforting to hear. She observed the nurse as she attended to Tessa and Mariah began to back away from where she laid. Finding her spot in the swivel chair once again she took in her first deep breath since Tessa had - kissed her. 

Mariah brought two fingers up to her lips and brushed over them, then looking over to Tessa who’s eyes were already fluttering open. One nurse still stood by her bedside and the other had just returned with some fries and a burger from the cafeteria which lucky for Tessa, was right down the hall from her room. Mariah let the smile that was creeping onto her face make an appearance as she thought back to Tessa’s best attempt at calming her nerves. 

_Had she not passed out, after my initial shock, I would have kissed her back. Just like the first time.._

Mariah was pulled out of her lust filled thoughts when she noticed something fall to the floor as one of the nurses started to cover Tessa’s lower body with the sheets. 

A single piece of paper. 

Mariah looked down at herself and then stuck a hand in her pockets and found the paper Tessa had given her with the address. She didn’t even remember sticking it in her pocket, but if that’s right here, then what was that piece of paper.. 

_The speech.._ Mariah thought to herself. _I mean the song. The song she said she wrote about me.._

Mariah didn’t care to justify her actions in that moment as she got up and walked over to the bedside again. Tessa was chewing, eyes closed, and the nurses were chatting while looking at the monitor as it did its beeping and boo-ping. Mariah knelt down and picked up the piece of paper before slowly making her way towards the door. She went back to the bathroom they were just in and locked herself in the farthest stall, as if that made any difference. 

Gripping each side of the paper with anxious fingers she took a few moments to find a rhythm to her breathing. With a quivering sigh, she unfolded the sheet until there were no more folds. 

The title caught her eye first. 

Not only because it was the first thing written, but because it was bolder than the rest of the content since Tessa seemed to have traced over it multiple times. Even creating a tiny hole that pierced through to the other side within one of the numbers. 

Numbers, that looked familiar, but weren’t easy to place.. 

In a voice so low that you could barely call it a whisper, Mariah read the title out loud. 

“1776.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many thoughts on where this is headed, but choose one of these to go along with the rest of the story - 
> 
> A. Break up Noah and Tessa sooner than later  
> B. Mariah continues to see Jordan to find out more about Alice  
> C. Sharon becomes involved in Tessa and Mariah's quest to find Crystal


	24. 1776

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> B - Mariah continues to see Jordan to find out more about Alice - won in the comments! 

“1776.” Mariah read to herself, barely auditable to her own ears. She hovered over the title, let out an unsteady breath, and continued reading on, to herself. 

_Can we go back to 1776?_  
_Where the city made something of us_  
_The wine and the excitement of the festival_  
_Is that all that, that it was?_

_I’d vow to take his hand_  
_Love him & then leave him was the plan_  
_But then you came fumbling in_  
_Now we’re swaying_  
_& the water is rising_  
_Not fully afraid_  
_That falling for each other_  
_Was only a matter of timing_

_Can we go back to 1776?_  
_Can we go back to 1776?_

_You listed off all of the things I lack_  
_As if my flaws were yours to unpack_  
_Being a grifter was who I was_  
_But in your eyes I’m worse than that_  
_What have we become?_  
_& how can we go back? _

_You can’t run away from this forever_  
_& I can’t fold under pressure_  
_Our affection is worth so much more_  
_Than what we’ve been concealing it for_  
_When I leave this town for good_  
_I’ll remember you_  
_& forget everyone else_

_Can we go back to 1776?_  
_Where the city made something of us_  
_Can we go back to your living room?_  
_Did the wine spill too soon?_

Mariah, who still had tear stains on her cheeks from minutes ago when Tessa had passed out, began to remoisten the area on her face as new tears sprang from her eyes. A gulp attempted to make its way down her throat but got lodged half way through its journey and she began to wipe her eyes to keep them from becoming more blurry with tears. 

_1776, of course, that’s where I’m remembering it from. It’s the same year that San Francisco was founded. The year is also featured on the sticker now residing on my suitcase. Which I had gotten when in San Francisco… with Tessa…_

Mariah knew that Tessa had liked her, some what at least. Enough to kiss her in the pouring rain when she could’ve just left. 

_She could’ve of just walked away but she didn’t. She took the time to turn around, to look me in the eyes and try to explain.. even without explaining everything. She didn’t want me to have nothing to go off of in the wake of her absence. She tried, in her way. She cared. She wanted me, too._

_But going off of the lyrics… Was this a love song? Or a heartbreak song?_

Mariah scanned over the lyrics once again, her finger sliding over every word to make sure she didn’t miss one. To make sure she didn’t miss the message. 

_Once factoring in Noah, and the journal entry, and the timing of it all that Tessa is referring to. It feels like she’s saying there may have been a time where we could’ve worked, but that the time for that chance has since passed._

  
_Because of who she is with._

_Because of who we were to each other._

_Because of the things I said about her._

  
A large part of Mariah wanted to flush the song down the toilet that stood a foot away from her. Another, more reasonable side of her looked at the words once again. 

_That may be how she feels about it now, but that doesn’t take away from the underlining message in the song._

_She wished she could go back, and maybe not just to San Francisco, but to another time. Maybe not to exactly 1776, oppression and all, but a time before she had met Noah. A time where she could’ve met me first. Yet she refers to wine spilling too soon, feelings blooming too early. While also believing that what we share and the reasons we don’t embrace it wouldn’t be able to hold us back forever. Perhaps another reason beyond Crystal as to why she would need to leave._

_Because as she refers to it, the city did make something of us._

Mariah nearly yelped when her phone began to buzz in her pocket. Not even remembering the last time she checked the device. 

The screen flashed a name that for the first time made Mariah tighten her jaw, and grip the phone a little tighter. 

_♫ Jordan ♫_

There still was no proof, in Mariah’s eyes anyways, that Jordan shouldn’t be trusted. Hell, given the context of this song, why should Mariah believe Tessa who clearly wouldn’t have a problem if Mariah and Jordan stopped seeing each other. That was who her source was of what Jordans true motives were. 

Then Mariah remembered the note Tessa had shown her. There wasn’t an ounce of a doubt in Mariah’s mind that the composer of that note was no other than Alice Johnson. The woman who had condemned Mariah to a childhood without her mothers presence. 

If Jordan is involved with Alice, and Alice is currently keeping Crystal hostage, Mariah would never forgive herself for not trying to help Crystal. If, that were to be the case. 

She slid her finger across the screen to take the call and held the phone up to her ear. 

“Hi.” 

_Great, a word I never use when answering her calls. It’s always ‘Heyy’ or something smart ass like ‘I see you couldn’t resist reaching out.’_

“Hey you.” Jordan said, sounding as she always had. 

Mariah thought back to her senior year of high school momentarily where she had dropped out of theater class because pretending to be someone else, that wasn’t her usual blunt self, made her irritable. She hoped she had since gotten better at fibbing and coping with the faux. 

“Hey, what’re you up to?” Mariah pulled her phone away from her face to look at the time when she remembered herself recently informing Tessa of the early morning hours. “Wait, why are you calling at this time? It’s almost four in the morning.” 

Mariah didn’t want this to make her too suspicious off the bat, and not giving Jordan a chance if she really wasn’t involved, but seriously who calls this early? 

“I couldn’t sleep and well, I missed the sound of your voice.” 

Mariah audibly gulped. 

“I know this isn’t something we do, but I figured in the off chance you answered, it would be worth the try. I overheard waitresses at The Underground mention why Tessa had missed her performance. I also figured that’s why you never got back to me about hanging out, because you were probably at her bedside taking care of her.” 

Mariah tried to remember what day it even was, and if Jordan’s story seemed legit. _I don’t see that as very suspicious. It makes sense she would’ve eventually heard about why The Underground’s main act didn’t show up to perform._

“That’s exactly why I never got back to you…” Mariah lied through her teeth. She really just didn’t want to see anyone after having kissed Tessa that night. There was no room to think of anyone else after that. 

After Jordan realized that’s the only response Mariah had for her she went on. “How is she doing? How are you doing?” 

“Tessa is..” Mariah’s thoughts couldn’t think of a good lie right away. 

_Tessa is trying to flee the city. Thinks her sisters life is in serious danger. Has been calling you a con artist. Wrote a song about her forbidden crush on me._

“Tessa is getting better.” She settled with that. “Her arm is pretty messed up but besides that she only has a few scrapes and bruises. Not sure how much longer she has to stay in here, but she is clearly not a hospital person.” 

Jordan chuckled. “Well I know it’s probably difficult for you to step away from her at the moment, but maybe you could for a few hours later today. You know, after we’ve both actually slept some.” 

Mariah really didn’t want to leave Tessa’s side. Especially since whoever was in the other car during the car crash probably wouldn’t have minded if the blow to the side Tessa was sitting on had been fatal. She also thought about Crystal, and how Mariah’s inserting herself into this may be her only chance at saving her. Whether Jordan was involved or not, Mariah decided in that moment that there was only one way to find out. 

With her most flirtatious and unnatural voice, she replied. “Are you implying we go on a date?” 

Mariah could hear Jordan smiling through the phone. 

“I mean I was just going to say we could hang out, but sure, if you want to label it, we can call it that.” 

Now Mariah was smiling, remembering how much she really did like Jordan’s personality. Tessa had been distracting her so much, that she forgot about this tiny flame that she’d been neglecting. 

_I hope she isn’t who Tessa says she is, because that would mean she probably only approached me because she was trying to get closer to Tessa. That she didn't actually like me._

“Let’s do lunch. Meet me at my place around one.” Mariah would prefer it be there so if Jordan happens to be who Tessa claims, at least she will feel safer at home. Making the meeting time not towards the night also made Mariah feel like there is less of a chance she would fall into bed with Jordan. Which otherwise, wouldn’t be something she’d oppose, but given the fact that she still didn’t know her intentions that was off the table. “Probably only for an hour or so though. I have to get some rest first and I really don’t want to leave Tessa alone for longer than that. My conscious won’t let me.” 

“Tessa is really lucky to have a friend like you. I’ll see you then.” 

Mariah hears the phone beep and knows the other girl has hung up. The paper in her hand starts to feel heavy, and she looks it over once more. 

_I can’t pretend in front of Tessa. Like I didn’t read all of these words. Like she didn’t write them…_

_Sneaking it back into Tessa’s belongings would be difficult without her knowing as well._

Mariah stood up and steadily made her way back to the other girl’s room. 

_Maybe I’ll get lucky and she will be asleep.._ Mariah peered through the window to see but instantly locked eyes with Tessa who now resided in the room alone, just finishing some fries the nurses had brought her. _No such luck_. 

Mariah knew what this meant. Knew, that Tessa would soon go throw her things and noticed the song was missing. Knew, that she was still holding it in her hand and didn’t even try to keep it tucked away in her pocket. Thus making it the first thing Tessa glanced towards upon Mariah entering the room. 

Tessa’s eyes grew big as she reached underneath her pillow, searching for an item she knew was no longer there. 

Mariah grabbed her usual seat, and swiveled next to Tessa’s bed. She placed the song on the sheets that covered Tessa’s thighs so the other girl could confirm that what she feared Mariah had been holding was in fact what Mariah had been holding. 

Tessa picked up the paper and folded it back into the creases it once rested within. She tucked it back under her pillow, as if that erased any chance that Mariah hadn’t already read it. Tessa kept her gaze towards the foot of the bed. 

“I said it wasn’t done, and you read it anyways?” 

On the way back to the room Mariah thought of the perfect response to this inevitable part of the conversation. “I’d say we're even now since you read from my journal.” 

Tessa shifted her position in the bed again. More so to relieve the sting she just received, and not so much for the pain in her arm. 

Not expecting a good answer from Tessa as to why she did that, both of them knowing there was no good answer to such as invasion of privacy, Mariah continued. 

“We’re going to save your sister, no mater what it takes.” Mariah wanted to make that point before talking about anything else so Tessa, no matter what came out of the next part of their conversation would know that she wouldn’t be alone when it came to finding Crystal. "Before that can happen though, we have to talk about those lyrics.” 


End file.
